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Original poster

2 week holiday without baby

97 replies

Bambam60 · 08/05/2019 11:19

Hi all, I'm interested in getting your views on this.

DH and I planned (and partly booked) a 2 week holiday whilst I was pregnant with DS. It's a once in a lifetime sort of trip, and unfortunately one that wouldn't be safe for a baby. We're due to go away next year when DS is 16 months old.

When we were planning it, I honestly thought I'd be okay leaving my DS. My parents have said they'd be happy to take him and we're a really close family. I trust them implicitly and I know they wouldn't do anything I wouldn't want them to. We spend so much time there I'd be happy that DS would feel comfortable and safe in their company.

Problem is, now he's here, I can't bare the thought of leaving him for that long...especially given I can't really explain to him why we won't be there. At the end of the day he probably will be fine...but it breaks my heart at the thought of him crying for me or being inconsolable. Might he even forget me?!

We haven't booked the whole trip yet, only part of it because the place we're staying in for the first week gets booked up years in advance usually. This means that week 2 of the holiday hasn't yet been booked.

My DH doesn't feel the way I do and is incredibly keen to get away just us 2. He has acknowledged that we won't be having any other solo holidays for a very long time, but I think because of that he feels he needs one more trip for just us. In some ways, I feel like to be the best parent you need to be the best version of yourself; and sometimes getting away and focusing on you and your relationship can really help with that. I also need my DH to feel like his feelings matter too, but I'm really struggling with the thought of leaving DS - and findings ways to vocalise that to DH because he just doesn't get it.

I had a thought that maybe we could do the 1st week together alone, but then spend the 2nd week away somewhere family friendly so DS could join us. That way, my DH gets his 2 week break and time alone, and I hopefully feel far less anxious...

I'm interested in people's view on this? Has anyone gone away for 2 weeks before without their child? Do you think it would really affect him at that age if I did?

Thanks for reading

OP posts:

BelulahBlanca · 08/05/2019 18:38

I’ve left my baby for weekends away but I think 2 weeks would be a push. But she is only 6 months so not sure how I would feel when she was over a year.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/05/2019 18:38

I think a week and a week like you said.

Will you fly home to get baby or are parents flying him out then going home or joining you? Or back to UK for a week away here?

user1493413286 · 08/05/2019 18:40

I did 4 nights at 16 months and it felt a lot! I’d try to only go the week

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Lazypuppy · 08/05/2019 19:25

My dd is 15 months old and i could go on a 2 week holiday, but everyone is different. If you're not happy to do it then don't, but understand your husband obviously is ok with it and you need to come to a compromise you both are happy with

riotlady · 08/05/2019 19:57

It doesn’t sound like you’d enjoy it so I’d just stick to a week.

I’ve done nights away since my daughter was 3 months old and that’s been fine, but I did 4 nights when she was 9 months old and we both struggled with it tbh

SoyDora · 08/05/2019 20:03

I couldn’t do it. The longest I’ve been away from mine (5 and 3) is 2 nights (when they were 4 and 3) and it was lovely but I was glad to get home to them.
I do think 2 weeks is too long for a baby to be away from it’s primary caregiver.

Divgirl2 · 08/05/2019 21:34

I couldn't do it. DS is 14 months and I can't even imagine how confused he'd be when I wasn't there. He's never spent a night away though (my choice).

A week and a week sounds like a good compromise, I do think two weeks is far too long.

Dandelion1993 · 08/05/2019 21:39

Go and enjoy yourself! Your baby will be fine.

I had a couple nights away when DD1 was 6 weeks old and a night away when DD2 was 4 weeks old. Best thing I did.

At your child's age, they'll be fine for a couple of weeks.

CodenameVillanelle · 08/05/2019 21:42

Please don't listen to dandelion above - having nights away when you have a newborn is very unusual and not at all common and whilst your baby will be 'fine' for 2 weeks; ie no lasting damage, he won't be happy and comfortable for that long with neither of his primary attachment figures:

One week is a good compromise.

happychange · 08/05/2019 21:47

Where are you going? Can't be that unsafe with a baby? Everyone has kids!

I couldn't leave my 2 year old for two weeks sorry

Original poster

Bambam60 · 08/05/2019 21:58

We'd be going chimp trekking in Africa and the minimum age for it is 15.

I was thinking maybe we'd do the 2nd week in somewhere like Italy, where my parents could then fly out with DS and we could all continue the holiday together. It also then wouldn't be too far to fly with a baby.

It's tough because I just have no idea how I'll feel in a year. He's currently 8 weeks old. My DH thinks once I'm back at work I'll feel differently because we'll start to have some separation. All I know is if I had to book it right now, I couldn't do it!

OP posts:

happychange · 08/05/2019 22:13

Lordy! Ok chimp trekking is pretty dangerous for a baby, I give you that

It's hard to say, I had to go to Chicago for a week for work and ended up forcing my husband to come with me so I didn't have to be apart from my 2 year old. By this time, DS had already been in nursery for a year, but I couldn't bear not having him with me at night.

Everyone is different, but I honestly find it very hard to be away from DS.

We love travelling too, and have brought DS with us to Asia, Middle East, US, New Zealand.. but life changes with a baby, we just accept we can't do too many dangerous things anymore once you have a baby.

We really love diving but haven't been ever since I've been pregnant. I guess we will just have to wait until DS is older when he can come diving with us! We have our whole life ahead of us, so why rush to do all these things now?

JaniceBattersby · 08/05/2019 22:19

There’s just no way I could’ve done this with any of my four st that age. Mine have all had separation anxiety from about 12 - 18 months and I would have felt physically ill leaving them for more than a night or so.

Two weeks is a long time in the life of a baby and he’ll be too young to understand when your parents tell him you’re coming back.

SlidingDoor · 08/05/2019 22:20

You may feel less keen once back at work, not more. You will be apart regularly so that will make the initial separation easier but when I returned to work I had huge guilt about not spending most of my free time with my baby.

Having said that I had to work away for 8 nights when DC1 was 14 months and I actually quite enjoyed it. She was fine too, a bit subdued at times but not upset. Admittedly she was with her dad but if your child is close to your parents then it won’t be that different. I even managed to continue breastfeeding on my return.

ourkidmolly · 08/05/2019 22:37

No I wouldn't do that type of separation from both parents unless necessary. I think it could lead to an attachment disorder. My goddaughter spent a long time away from her mother who was in hospital seriously ill. She is profoundly affected by that trauma even now, when she's 4 and it's 2.5 years later. If your gut says no then follow it.

Tolleshunt · 08/05/2019 22:42

Really bad idea for a child of that age to be away from its primary caregiver for any length of time. A week is also far, far too long. Attachment issues are a real risk. These can cause lifelong misery.

Read 'Why Love Matters' by Sue Gerhardt for a good introduction to how babies learn to attach to their caregivers, how this leads to them being able to regulate their emotions, and the neuroscience behind this (it's not just a theory!).

Ginger1982 · 08/05/2019 22:58

My son is 2 and I couldn't leave him for a week, let alone a fortnight, sorry!

teaandbiscuitsforme · 08/05/2019 23:02

Chimp trekking in Africa?! Wow!! But no I wouldn't leave my children for 2 weeks, not even for that.

I think you need to seriously think through what would happen in an emergency? How quickly could you get back if something serious happened?

Your DH is also completely unreasonable and unrealistic. Most people take the odd weekend here and there but it's pretty odd to go on a full two week holiday without your child. That's the reality of being a parent to young children. And going back to work won't mean you want more time away from him - pretty sure most people find it's the complete opposite.

Personally I'd cancel the trip and book a nice villa somewhere for the three of you to enjoy a family holiday.

M0reGinPlease · 08/05/2019 23:06

The fact your husband is trying to persuade you into this makes him a massive bellend IMO. your life changes when you have children. It doesn't end but it changes. He needs to accept that. Why would he want a two week holiday without his child?

AbbyHammond · 08/05/2019 23:07

Two weeks is too long, your baby won't understand where you've gone or if you're coming back.

I'm leaving all my DC for 5 nights soon and am really worried about the 20 month old!

Patienceisvirtuous · 08/05/2019 23:08

My son is 2. No way could I do this. I’ve had a rare night away from him (3 times I think), and that was enough. I feel guilt and longing when i’m not with him.

You do you OP but I would imagine you’ll struggle with 2 weeks.

DrWhy · 08/05/2019 23:10

Unlike lots of people on here I’ve been away for several nights at a time multiple times from DS who is 2.5 starting when he was 13 months, longest so far have been 5 nights. I miss him but it’s not the end of the world. However, he is at home with his dad when I’m away, which I think is massively different. I’d probably be ok with leaving him with my mum for a couple of nights now but no longer still, he’d want mummy or daddy fairly soon I think.

PirateWeasel · 09/05/2019 05:03

I'm afraid this is the reality of parenthood. As amazing as that holiday sounds, it's something you and your DH should have done before kids came along, or something to save until they're older. It sounds like your DH hasn't quite realised that sacrifices have to be made when you become a parent. It's not just about the two of you any more. You can have perfectly adequate quality relationship time in a much more modest way than two weeks away from your child.

Shmithecat2 · 09/05/2019 05:07

No, I couldn't even do that now, and my ds is 3.6y. I've left him for 5 days once, but he was with DH whilst I went away for a short break with a friend.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 09/05/2019 05:16

OP the problem is you dont know if it will affect your ds until you do it.

Personally I'd try to see if I could cancel the holiday and get my money back.

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