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Original poster

2 week holiday without baby

97 replies

Bambam60 · 08/05/2019 11:19

Hi all, I'm interested in getting your views on this.

DH and I planned (and partly booked) a 2 week holiday whilst I was pregnant with DS. It's a once in a lifetime sort of trip, and unfortunately one that wouldn't be safe for a baby. We're due to go away next year when DS is 16 months old.

When we were planning it, I honestly thought I'd be okay leaving my DS. My parents have said they'd be happy to take him and we're a really close family. I trust them implicitly and I know they wouldn't do anything I wouldn't want them to. We spend so much time there I'd be happy that DS would feel comfortable and safe in their company.

Problem is, now he's here, I can't bare the thought of leaving him for that long...especially given I can't really explain to him why we won't be there. At the end of the day he probably will be fine...but it breaks my heart at the thought of him crying for me or being inconsolable. Might he even forget me?!

We haven't booked the whole trip yet, only part of it because the place we're staying in for the first week gets booked up years in advance usually. This means that week 2 of the holiday hasn't yet been booked.

My DH doesn't feel the way I do and is incredibly keen to get away just us 2. He has acknowledged that we won't be having any other solo holidays for a very long time, but I think because of that he feels he needs one more trip for just us. In some ways, I feel like to be the best parent you need to be the best version of yourself; and sometimes getting away and focusing on you and your relationship can really help with that. I also need my DH to feel like his feelings matter too, but I'm really struggling with the thought of leaving DS - and findings ways to vocalise that to DH because he just doesn't get it.

I had a thought that maybe we could do the 1st week together alone, but then spend the 2nd week away somewhere family friendly so DS could join us. That way, my DH gets his 2 week break and time alone, and I hopefully feel far less anxious...

I'm interested in people's view on this? Has anyone gone away for 2 weeks before without their child? Do you think it would really affect him at that age if I did?

Thanks for reading

OP posts:

Amy326 · 09/05/2019 05:27

No way could I do this and mine are 4 and 2. I would feel sick saying goodbye to them for that long! The max I’ve done so far is 2 nights and that was enough. What we think we’ll be ok with before we’ve actually had a baby is irrelevant really because you have no idea how strong the love and attachment will be! I think if you need / want alone time as a couple then a weekend away will be enough, like people have said already life changes when you have kids. Also second the comments that once you’re back at work you already feel guilty leaving them for that and don’t really want to spend extra time away from them! I would worry a lot about being so far away from them geographically - what if your child has an accident or gets seriously poorly, how quick could you get home? Yes it’s unlikely hopefully but it’s something I would feel really uncomfortable with.

OneThreadOnly0101 · 09/05/2019 05:34

Where are you going? Uganda? You'll have a great time Are you seeing gorilla's too? You must.

Could you not just go for the one week of trekking and then fly home?

I think chimps can get instinctively kidnappy around small people, hence the age restrictions. Plus you need to be quiet. It's not an appropriate trip for young ones.

DCIRozHuntley · 09/05/2019 05:41

I think two weeks is far too long as others have said. At 16 months of age it'll be 3% of his life so far in one go! It's great your parents are so on board but they may well be underestimating the hard work too (although obviously they'll more than cope!) Your idea sounds like a good compromise.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds 1st trimester Families General parenting

Tulipsandroses · 09/05/2019 05:48

I wouldn’t. My son would have been distraught but mu main issue would be getting back in an emergency. We know leave him overnight with grandparents (5) but I still wouldn’t go far - imagine a phone call saying they are poorly or something.

Also if it isn’t safe for a baby, isn't safe for you guys?

edgeofheaven · 09/05/2019 05:49

That's a long time to be away from both parents. Realistically your baby will be fine in the long run - don't listen to people trying to scare you about attachment issues. To be honest the times I've traveled without mine (but DH was at home) they seem to have forgotten about me quite quickly!

But I think you will really miss the baby and struggle. I'm all for getting away with your partner if you have someone trusted to leave your DC with - we need to invest in ourselves and our relationships too. But two weeks somewhere quite far and remote seems a bit extreme. I think your compromise of a week trekking and a week at a resort with baby sounds good - although I can't figure out how that would work logistically!

Winifredgoose · 09/05/2019 05:51

I wouldn't leave mine at that age for more than a weekend(and I wouldn't even do that, though left the overnight around then).
Dont feel pressure to go along with plans that make you feel uncomfortable. It is absolutely normal not to want a holiday away from your baby.
I have a friend who was pressured into 6 nights away when baby was just 1. She found when she came back the baby was v distressed, and took ages to settle.

CodenameVillanelle · 09/05/2019 06:26

@tolleshunt a 2 week holiday won't cause attachment issues - don't be daft. It will be distressing for the child though.

Bythebeach · 09/05/2019 06:36

I couldn’t have left my three for two weeks. We left them for odd nights away and a 3/4 nights long weekend every year but even now they are all at school, I wouldn’t want to leave them for 2 weeks. I also don’t know if you will feel better once you are back at work - you might feel do but personally I found the first year back at work I desperately wanted to spend all my none work time with the baby/toddler as I felt I was missing precious moments! Two weeks away then would have been torture.

DameSylvieKrin · 09/05/2019 06:43

I wouldn’t do it. I had to go into hospital for a week when my daughter was 11 months old and it took her six months to get over it. She visited 3 times but didn’t understand. It also made leaving her at nursery much harder as she didn’t trust me to come back.

whiteroseredrose · 09/05/2019 06:43

I couldn't have done it either. I had to go away for work for 4-5 days at that age and I was desperate to get back. It was awful. I wouldn't enjoy the holiday.

Pinkprincess1978 · 09/05/2019 06:44

Nope I couldn't do it. When my youngest was a little older than yours we win an incredible trip and it meant being away from them for 5 days. It was hard and did put a dampener on the trip a little. We had an amazing time but I wouldn't have chosen to be away from them so long.

Your compromise is the best way. Two weeks away is just too long for you and baby.

HoHoHolittlepea · 09/05/2019 06:45

two weeks is a huge amount of time for them without either attachment figures. It could be pretty traumatic. I guess it depends on your usual set up..for example if the stays at granny once a week overnight then staying there for two or three nights he may take in his stride..but id imagine longer could be hard...when he's older he would be able to understand a bit more and use FaceTime etc.

Tunnockswafer · 09/05/2019 06:49

I would worry about something happening to us The more “experience of a lifetime” something is, the more likely that seems! I think one week and then a week all together in the UK reconnecting. We left ours for a wedding at 2 and managed 5 nights. Although he was fine he did start getting up in the night and coming to us - to check we were there, I think.

Doobydoodah · 09/05/2019 07:00

When you are back at work it will be worse because you'll be really looking forward to time with your baby. Even if you skip out of the door with relief when you go to work, you generally miss them when you're there!

So I'd say I was less able to leave for more than two nights or so once back at work. I would not have wanted to do it. We had a 5 day trip booked for a destination wedding when DC was 17 months. We cancelled. It wasn't just that I couldn't do it, I didn't want to.

PaddyF0dder · 09/05/2019 07:33

Is it bad to say that someone looking for 2 weeks holiday away from a young baby, is someone who hasn’t accepted their new role as parent?

I get it, we all need a break. But as a parent, your needs are secondary to your kids. 2 weeks is pretty excessive at that age. Most people would be happy to get a night off.

HumpHumpWhale · 09/05/2019 07:39

My 5.5 year old is about to go to his grandparents for 4 nights at half term. That will be the longest he's been away from both parents, and definitely pushing out of my comfort zone, tbh. I'd do a week without him if he was with his dad, and DH has been away from him for up to 6 days but he was with me. That was quite hard for DH. Yours may feel differently when you baby is a bit older and they have more of a relationship too. 2 weeks is a long time.

grumpyyetgorgeous · 09/05/2019 07:52

I did do this when my ds was 10 months old. I co parent but am not in a relationship with ds dad. Whilst pregnant we thought it was a great idea that we both plan a two week break before I returned from mat leave. Ds was fine, he was with his parents all the time of course. I hated every moment and cried daily for my baby. Not a holiday I'd recommend to any parent, but your dc will probably be fine.

Bloomburger · 09/05/2019 07:53

I think kids do need us to be the best we can for them and that dies mean taking time for ourselves, date nights, yoga classes, the odd weekend away or cinema trip but not 2 weeks away on a different continent doing something dangerous.

Sorry that's not doing something to make you the best you for your child that's doing something you want to do regardless of your parental responsibility and the impact you will have on your child.

madcatladyforever · 09/05/2019 07:53

Like confused beetle I also did this on the insistence of my then husband it was a disaster. My soon was just over one and after three days I insisted on calling my mum (no mobile phones in those days) to find my son was in hospital with pneumonia very ill. That was the end of that holiday and I refused to go on another one without him.

lrh3891 · 09/05/2019 07:57

Ooh tough one. I'm afraid to say that I agree with the majority.

You can't possibly know what the situation will be by then. 16 months can be a tough age. He may be clingy, he may still not be sleeping well at night, you may decide to breastfeed for longer than you expect (if you are bf now). And your precious boy would have no idea why you were gone.

Mine is 2.5 now, I first left him overnight when he was around 10 months to go to a close family member's wedding- but he stayed at home with his father. At around 16 months I did a couple of 2-3 night work trips but again, he was with his dad.

I now travel for work for 2-3 nights at a time, once a month or so, and I'm currently planning a 5 night holiday- again leaving him with his dad. I think that's about the max he can manage. But then, my ds is extremely attached to me, sleeps in bed with me, lives with me full time (I'm separated from his dad) and is generally quite sensitive and emotional. I've never left him overnight with anyone except his dad and I don't think I will for a long time.

If you're happy with a week, I think that sounds like a compromise and probably the max you will manage. Have fun, it sounds amazing!

ReleaseTheBats · 09/05/2019 08:06

Is it bad to say that someone looking for 2 weeks holiday away from a young baby, is someone who hasn’t accepted their new role as parent?

No, it's not bad, it's probably true.

Lozxx · 09/05/2019 08:07

I've been away the longest for 2 nights at a time since he's been a newborn. A break is needed to refresh because it's hard work. I'm going away with DH in September for 4 nights and he'll be with my mum. He'll be 27 months then. I personally think 2 weeks is long but a week is fine it just depends on your child also.

MarthasGinYard · 09/05/2019 08:10

I couldn't have left dc

TBH even now I wouldn't and I feel it's a huge ask even for close family members to look after a dc for 2 weeks.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 09/05/2019 08:14

We booked a holiday to Cuba when ds was 8 weeks for us all to go when he was 10 months.We ended up going without him as felt he was much too young,my parents looked after him.It ruined the holiday tbh we felt guilty and missed him.We do nights away,weekends etc (hes now 5) but would never do a full blown holiday again.

HoHoHolittlepea · 09/05/2019 08:15

I also agree with the others about what about emergencies...would you be contactable? and what would be the time to get home from the furthest point you go? if you do decide to go ahead with it maybe practice with a couple of UK weekends or nights away to build up to it for you all so the grandparents, you and little one get used to it a little. xx

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