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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

How many of you have a 3 year old who sleeps through the night and stays in their own bed?

78 replies

Summerdays2014 · 16/04/2019 19:26

Hi,

I have a 3 year old and he has not slept through the night in his own bed since July.
We have tried several things several times but after a few days we give in as we are so tired and it’s easier to let him in. It’s now got to the stage where I can’t take anymore and am sick of being woken up, kicked and not sharing a bed with my husband.

My husband thinks that most 3 years don’t sleep through and it’s not uncommon for them to sleep in their parents bed. Is he right?

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Didicat · 16/04/2019 19:43

Nope maybe 1 night in 7 he sleeps a whole night in his bed on his own. My DD6 needs comforting 2/7 nights due to nightmares.

JellyBook · 16/04/2019 19:44

Mine all slept in their own beds and all night from about 1 year old. It was gradual though - Moses basket by my bed, cot bed in our room, - which was then moved into our walk in wardrobe (that’s honestly not as bad as it sounds!) then into their own room. They were always good sleepers with plenty of background noise going on, eg the CD playing on a loop outside the room so they didn’t get disturbed when we came up to bed.

They only ever came in if they were ill, and then they slept on the floor in my room after the initial settling down. (Again, not as bad as it sounds, on a mattress on the floor!)

Zogthebiggestdragon · 16/04/2019 19:45

To be honest I used chocolate. Whenever anyone gave my daughter sweets or chocolate we put them in her bag and each night she spent in her own bed she chose something from the bag in the morning.
This was around 3 or so when she had a phase of wanting to come in with us. Sweets worked for us where a reward chart failed!

Good luck.

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trilbydoll · 16/04/2019 19:45

Our 6yo sleeps through 6/7 nights and the 4yo about 3/7 nights.

Original poster

Summerdays2014 · 16/04/2019 19:46

We’ve also tried a stair gate but he opens it. Bribery and stickers don’t work.
He was absolutely fine until the summer when it was so hot we took him out of the sleeping bag and he worked out he could climb out of the cot. He hasn’t slept through since.
I know we need to be firmer and more consistent. We just give up each time as it’s exhausting.
Thanks for all your advice/stories so far.

OP posts:

Youngandfree · 16/04/2019 19:47

😂😂 8 out of 10 nights my 3 yr old wakes at about 12 and comes into our bed and then sleeps for the rest of the night. The other two nights he sleeps through in his own bed... so to answer your question yes he sleeps through (he practically sleepwalks to my bed) but not always in his own bed 😂 I don’t mind though tbh

Ragwort · 16/04/2019 19:48

Does your DS sleep better at your parent’s house? Are they likely to be stricter? Does your DS know that you are more likely to ‘give in’ for an easier life? (Understandable).

Original poster

Summerdays2014 · 16/04/2019 19:52

Ragwort - he sleeps in my parents bed at their house.

He always goes to sleep in his own bed at the start of the night although we have to stay in the room widget him until he falls asleep. We tried not staying with him but he then takes hours to go to sleep running in and out of his room.
I know It’s our fault for giving in in the end each time I just don’t know how to fix it

OP posts:

Sleepforaweek · 16/04/2019 19:53

All 3 of mine slept through by 6 months and always in their own cots/ beds.

DobbysLeftSock · 16/04/2019 19:56

Have you tried doing really strict controlled crying? Everytime our dd had a sleep relapse (after being away & out of routine, after getting over an illness etc) it took 3 days of CC to crack it. Night 1 was awfiul, night 2 pretty bad, night 3 not too bad really, night 4 fine. You just have to stay the course.

Ragwort · 16/04/2019 19:57

You probably don’t want to hear this but I have a friend who’s children were still coming into the parent’s room at 10 & 12. She admitted that she was just ‘too soft’. The first time they slept away from home (at 10 &12) they slept through just fine.

Lookingforadvice123 · 16/04/2019 20:00

Yes, DS 3.3 slept through from 10 weeks and has only slept in our bed twice when poorly, the last time when he was about 15 months! He can't actually get out of his bedroom as the handles are very high, but I do t think he would. When his gro clock turns yellow he just calls for us.

He did go through a phase at 2 of calling out to us in the night but we nipped that in the bud when I was heavily pregnant with DS2.

Scotinoz · 16/04/2019 20:00

I have a nearly 4 and 5 year old, and we have one, or other, or both of them are in our bed 2 nights out of 7.

Cannyhandleit · 16/04/2019 20:04

My 4 year old still wakes through the night but he has some health issues that cause that, my 2.5 y with no health issues wakes every single night and sneaks into our bed! I have tried EVERYTHING but we have just kind of given into it for now as I have no clue what else we can do!

MissSueFlay · 16/04/2019 20:08

DD (now 6) has always been a good sleeper, but she has also has phases of appearing at the side of the 'big bed' in the early hours and wanting to climb in. We never officially co-slept, but with both of us working full time it was easier to just pull her in and then we all just went back to sleep.

Personally it's not something that concerns me. At times she finds safely and security in our bed, I love having her there to cuddle, and one day she won't want to do it any more, so I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts! Sometimes DH or I will go & sleep in her bed if we want a bit more room.

We were very routine-based when she was a baby & toddler, but I guess we're a bit 'gentle parenting' with stuff like this. If she needs the reassurance then she'll come looking for it - I don't want to send her away if she needs us just because it's night time.

Whitechocandraspberry · 16/04/2019 20:09

Reward charts for going to sleep? What next?

Laughing up ma sleeve

Original poster

Summerdays2014 · 16/04/2019 20:15

I wouldn’t mind if I got a good night sleep but he moves around all night and never stays on ‘his’ side. I’m also paranoid he’ll get too hot under our duvet or smothered by pillows so don’t sleep properly. Me and my husband take it in turns to sleep in the spare room every other night.

OP posts:

Easterbunnynearlyhere · 16/04/2019 22:29

Ime cancelling an exciting activity because YOU are too tired works well!
Negative consequences can work as well as stars +treats!
Sometimes we are made to feel so shit for punishments!!
A sleep fuelled dc is a much happier one ime!
Which in turn makes a happier dm /df!!

BedraggledBlitz · 16/04/2019 22:34

My 4yo doesn't. He slept one full night in his own bed. That's one in four years. He recently managed to go off to sleep in his bed 3 times, but each night came in with me around midnight.

I'm just going with the flow. I guess he'll get there when he's ready.

Finalyfine · 16/04/2019 22:41

Ds1 slept through the night at 6month and in his own bed. Ds2 who is three in August only does that at dm house. And one blissful night back in August, few days before his birthday. I normally just put him to sleep in his own bed and he makes his way into my bed around two am. I don't know what wakes him up in our house.

ineedaholidaynow · 16/04/2019 22:43

DS(14) never slept in our bed and was definitely sleeping through the night at 3 (probably closer to 1). We would sometimes get the shout 'is it morning time' at some ungodly hour, but we would tell him no and make sure he went back to bed.

CatToddlerUprising · 16/04/2019 22:47

DD sleeps through the night in her own bed. However, one of us lies down with her in our bed to read a story. We then lie with her for 15 minutes and leave her even if she’s awake- she settles quite quickly. When we go to bed we move her to her own bed and she stays there asleep until morning. We tried getting her to fall asleep in her bed but after 2 weeks it didn’t work so this was the middle ground.

LazyLizzy · 16/04/2019 22:48

Toddler Taming by Dr Christopher Green was a lifesaver for me many moons ago.

Sleep routine was cracked after a few nights.

cliffdiver · 16/04/2019 23:07

Both of mine were horrific sleepers when babies and young toddlers but slept through from 2 years, being asleep for 12 hours consistently. They have never (and I actually mean never!) got out of their beds during the night - as far as I know (as they have never woken us), they sleep through.

We had the same routine of calm down time - bath - story - bed from 4 months but we didn't notice an effect when they were that young.

The moat significant change in both was when I stopped breastfeeding.

HiGunny · 16/04/2019 23:17

My youngest came into our bed in the middle of the night every night until he was 3.5. Then his brother decided he wanted to share a bedroom with him, we invested in bunk beds and he's rarely come in since (only if sick or a bad dream). I actually miss him now sometimes .

So for him, he doesn't like to be alone. He also now has a special teddy who minds him if he ever is in the bedroom alone.

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