DD doesn't call me Daddy :-(

[Manc1993]

My 2 year old daughter calls me by my first name instead of Daddy. I gently tell her to call me daddy but nothing has changed and still calls me by my name. This is concerning me and I need your advice. My daughter always calls my partner mum or mummy, so is there something I am doing wrong or is it just a phase that she will eventually grow out of. I give my daughter all the love and attention I can give and feel a little aggrieved and upset that she doesn't call me daddy or dad. I need your help

Whether she uses your name or dad it is just a sound to her.

She doesn't think 'I am not calling him daddy' for any reason at all. I suspect, because you don't like it, you respond very quickly when she calls you by your name.

You could try ignoring her when she says 'name' the first time and when she repeats it say 'oh you mean 'daddy' and see to her needs without actually correcting her. Don't ignore her for any length of time and don't make a big think of it.

Otherwise, just ignore it, when she starts socialising with other children more she will realise 'daddy' is more than just a sound and will probably start using it.

Also, you could ask your partner to call you 'daddy' when talking to her or to you whilst your daughter is there.

DD has started calling me fafa well it sounds like her variation of father because I encourage her to call me father and daddy :-) at least progress is being made very proud of her. Thanks for all your help and support on here it's greatly appreciated love you all x

Awww fafa, that’s really cute! Glad things are improving for you.

Still trying to rack brains as to why she used to call me by my first name and she still does occasionally. She has always called her mum mummy as soon as she starting talking why is this? Is this because she has a closer bond to her mummy or is it due to that fact that she is used to everyone, including my partner calling me by my first name. I keep saying daddy to her and even my partner refers to me as daddy but it's not sinking in to her and it's frustrating. I love her to bits and she is still only 2 so she has plenty of time to learn to say daddy

Honestly, in the nicest possible way, I think you have some issues you need to work through.

It doesn’t mean anything. She heard you being referred to as Trevor so that’s how she addresses you. It’s not personal. She doesn’t understand what Daddy means and isn’t refusing to say it to spite you.

Neither of my 2.5 year old twins can talk at all. She’s just learning to communicate, imagine how that feels. If you keep making a huge deal out of it you’re just going to make it worse. Refer to yourself as daddy, ask your partner to do the same. If she calls you by your name, eg “Trevor I need a drink” just respond with “yes, daddy can get you a drink”.

Please relax.

My son is almost two

My partners ds used to do this when he was 5 from time to time, it's because I'd call his dad by his first name and he thought it was hilarious to copy me as it pressed dps buttons, he's stopped now thankfully!

My 3 year old used to mainly call us by our first names...I think it's cute though. In his head all adults were mummys and daddys so if he shouted Camomila at nursery pick up it was more because he wanted his mummy, not some random mummy!

Thanks for all your kind words X I am sorry that I keep going on. I understand that it is a common thing for all young children to call their parents by their name occasionally. I am far more relaxed about it now and have taken your advice and put it into practice. I have now noticed her refer to me as daddy more xx

I actively encourage my 3 y/o to call me by my first name just to give my ears a rest from usual constant stream of ‘mum, mum, mummy, mummy, muuuuum, mummy, mum....’ which drives me insane.

Does your partner refer to you as daddy or Kevin/Brian/Boris? (Whatever your first name is)

As long as your dd hears you being called Kevin, she will do the same. Could you try ignoring her when she says “Kevin play with me” or “Kevin I need juice please” ignore and if someone else is there to say “daddy, Rebecca is talking to you” then you acknowledge when she asks “daddy, can you get me juice please”

Reinforce with “what a silly daddy, I put my slipper on the wrong foot” and “would you like to come out into the garden with daddy?” at every opportunity.

I wouldn't ignore your child when she says 'Trevor'. Instead I would model using 'daddy' instead. E.g.

she says 'Trevor, want juice'.

You react more slowly and say 'Daddy is getting you juice'.
In contrast when she calls you 'Daddy' respond faster and reinforce her for it. E.g.
DD: 'daddy, want juice'
You immediately turn and smile and ticlkle, kiss etc when saying! "Of course, daddy will get you some juice, you asked so nicely'

Not sure why you are adding 'father' into the mix for a two-year old. It just sounds weirdly formal and might confuse her further.

You can also play games with her and model what you want her to say e.g. on the swings ask her to 'say "Daddy push me"!'

Also do lots of narration while you are doing things together. E.g.
Daddy is getting the eggs, oops daddy nearly dropped one, daddy is cracking the eggs in a bowl, do you want to help daddy? Ok say 'daddy lift me up!'. Etc.

If your OH has been referring to you as Trevor to your child that is highly odd. E.g. 'Trevor is putting you to bed'. You need to get her on board and let her know how uncomfortable and anxious is is making you feel.

I'm glad it seems to be improving but stressing less about it would also probably help your relationship. The amount of times you have felt you have had to say you love your daughter is telling.

Not the mama - baby Sinclair from Dinosaurs

If your partner refers to you as daddy (as in "where's daddy? Show that picture to daddy" "ask daddy to get you a drink" she will get it in the end. Your partner doesn't need to call you daddy directly though because that's nauseating and also incorrect your child doesn't call her mother "babes" even though that's what you call your partner.

If it’s winding you up in real life as much as it does here, then doubtless she’s picking up on it and doing it to wind you up. Two year olds are experts on button pushing!

I do have to pick up one of your points in your first point. An adoptive dad would have every bit as much of a right to be called ‘dad’ as you. They’ll be doing all of the same things, loving and taking care of their children and are, in every sense, a ‘real’ dad. So it was wrong of you to draw that distinction.

Yours, an adoptive mum whose children have never called me by my first name.

Really don't take this as if she is rejecting you as 'daddy'. She isn't. She obviously has a really strong bond with you if it is you she shouts for when she wakes up. She is too young to understand the implications of what daddy means vs using a first name. She is just 'labelling' you with what she has heard others call you but her bond with you is obviously as Daddy if she is shouting to you from her cot. Try responding by calling ' daddy's coming' etc. She'll get the hang of it, but if you make too much of a deal of it, then she'll sense the stress you feel and that might make her feel stressed about using the word daddy.

to Rainatnight

I apologise for the point I made about adoptive parents. IMO adoptive parents should always be held in the same regard as biological parents. my DD is calling me daddy or father more often now so the name thing was just a phase x

I would like to thank you all for all your messages and advise it has helped a lot and progress has been made. Me and DP always refer to each other as mummy and daddy infront of our DD. Our DD is getting the hang of calling me daddy now but sometimes she calls me fafa which is her way of saying father which is cute :) I am sorry about the point I made earlier about adoptive parents. They have every right to be called mummy and daddy just as much biological parents. I am on mumsnet to make friends not enemies :)

Hi Manc, just out of curiosity... in what context does your daughter hear you being referred to as 'father'. The only people I know who use 'father' as a name at the baby stage are a very formal upper middle class family.

I cannot believe what I have just read. A man jealous because his child called their mum, mummy but callled their dad by his name. Ffs. Grow up.