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Parenting

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Original poster

I hate my newborn today

90 replies

Ihatemyself2019 · 12/03/2019 17:39

Please give me a shake. DC is 2 weeks old and I regret having a baby. I want to go back to being pregnant.

DC is formula fed and is so greedy. Constantly wants to feed and will take a bottle and just hold it in their mouth without drinking it. They cry for half of the day and are unpleasant to be around.

I want to try again and make a nicer baby.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

tomhazard · 12/03/2019 17:43

Come on, you need to hang on in there your baby is tiny. Remember he has a tiny tiny tummy and he needs to feed all the time- it's not greed- he's growing. He is nice, he just doesn't know his arse from his elbow because he doesn't even know he's not part of you any more!

In a few weeks he will settle into a bit of a feeding pattern and you will get used to him and it will be okay- honestly it will. Most new parents of their first baby feel something like this. It's overwhelming. Have you got support from DH? Family? Keep in touch with your HV and be honest about your feelings, she can help reassure you.

for you, not much harder than the phase you're at

NewAccount270219 · 12/03/2019 17:43

Oh sweetheart - you don't need a shake, you need a hug. Having a newborn is really hard. Do you feel like this every day? Or just today? If every day, talk to GP or HV as soon as possible. If just today, do you have anyone to help - a partner? If so, hand over baby, go have a cry and a sleep and see if everything looks better once you have.

Tails5290 · 12/03/2019 17:47

I'm sorry you're having a rubbish day.
Newborn babies are exhausting, nothing quite prepares you for it. But it does get easier I promise.

Sending hugs and hoping tomorrow is a better day for you

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bunintheoven88 · 12/03/2019 17:49

I know exactly how you feel OP, my baby is 9 weeks now, and I felt like that some days at the beginning. I felt as though the baby was almost testing me, and I couldn't do anything right, but it's tiredness and hormones talking, it really is.
You have to remember your body has been through a huge ordeal, but it will get better, and the days where you feel shitty will get fewer.
Speak to you HV or midwife, even just to get it off your chest, feeling the way you do is a lot more common than you think

cestlavielife · 12/03/2019 17:51

Get a break.
Ask your partner to take him.for an hour
Babies are like this but it will get better

Original poster

Ihatemyself2019 · 12/03/2019 17:53

Thanks both.

I’m too scared to tell people in real life about how I feel. DC was planned and much wanted and I was so happy for the first few days. DH has man flu at the moment and isn’t great when tired so he’s snappy, not much help and not much use to be honest.

I keeping having bad thoughts about the DC. That they are probably thick as they were so overdue and can’t latch so I can’t breastfeed and that they are greedy as all they want to do is eat (which I’d get if they were breastfed but they are formula fed).

I know I shouldn’t have become a mother but I’m stuck with DC now and I’m not gonna sleep again

OP posts:

Postmanbear · 12/03/2019 17:54

Many many times I thought in my head ‘this was a mistake’ when my DS was a newborn. I have a friend who said her and her DH agreed they would happily have given back their baby until he was about 6 weeks old. It’s ok to feel this way, newborns are hard. My DS1 wouldn’t be put down at all for the first two weeks and as I was breastfeeding it was so tiring. I think I cried every day for the first 8 weeks of his life. Love the little man now though!

VaselineOnToast · 12/03/2019 17:54

It is such a huge adjustment, becoming a parent. Our culture doesn't give it the respect and consideration it deserves. Mothers need mothered too.

It can be so frustrating when you feel you can't get a moment to yourself, that your baby constantly needs something. Let me reassure you that these feelings are normal and you're doing the right thing by expressing them.

Do you have any parent & baby groups locally? They can be a life saver for talking about frustrations and hearing from other parents.

cakesandphotos · 12/03/2019 17:56

Newborns are hard. I told my mum on day 2 that I didn’t want DS, I wanted to take him back. And I meant it. Baby blues are really common, keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn’t turn in to PND. Do you have good support?

Tails5290 · 12/03/2019 17:57

Also have you tried a baby wrap sling? It saved me the first few weeks, baby would fall straight to sleep In it for hours then I could at least have a sit down

NewAccount270219 · 12/03/2019 17:58

I’m too scared to tell people in real life about how I feel

I promise you if you tell your health visitor or GP they won't judge you but they will refer you for help. You sound depressed - and the sooner you get help the sooner you'll feel better. You also need to be honest about how much you're struggling with your DP (you don't have to tell him all your thoughts if you don't want to, just tell him you're very down and struggling) - hopefully he will then step up.

Bigonesmallone3 · 12/03/2019 17:58

It's just a blip love, still such early days.. does baby have a dummy?

Petitprince · 12/03/2019 17:59

Have you tried again with the latch? BF might make things easier (it did for us as our baby just wanted comfort, not to eat all the time).

TeaforTwoBiscuitOrThree · 12/03/2019 18:03

Hi I can't work out if you had twins? You refer to them as "they" a lot. The first few weeks are so so tough, I wanted my mum to take my DD away at 2 weeks, I wanted her adopted. BUT it all fell into place. Your DH needs to pull his weight, bottle feeding is something he could do so you can get a rest. Speak to your HV or GP to get some reassurance and guidance.

Elizabeth2019 · 12/03/2019 18:07

Sending hugs! It definitely gets easier - I honestly started telling people to take my baby at 2-3 weeks. She was so nice for anyone else but just screamed at me!

Please seek some support in RL, from your HV, partner or a friend. They won’t judge you, can just help you cope with everything.

Lamkin · 12/03/2019 18:12

I locked myself in the bathroom at one point when ds was tiny, and refused to come out!

It's normal to feel overwhelmed when you're so exhausted. Don't be so hard on yourself

In the meantime please talk to your health visitor/gp. No one will judge you, they're there to help.

You don't have to suffer alone,it doesn't make you a failure, asking for help takes a lot of guts sometimes

VaselineOnToast · 12/03/2019 18:18

Just wanted to add that in the early days, I used to fantasize about being hospitalised with a minor illness, just to get away!! It's THAT hard sometimes. You are not alone.

tomhazard · 12/03/2019 18:25

You're going to sleep again. Your baby is not very likely to be thick. My DD was formula fed and she needed hourly feeds at that age. There is nothing abnormal about your feelings or your baby's behaviour but you must talk to your HV and be honest about your feelings- I suspect you have the blues but you don't want it to escalate into pnd

Original poster

Ihatemyself2019 · 12/03/2019 18:51

Thanks all. I’ve got a HV coming round this week so I’ll mention it then.

I’ve tried literally every breastfeeding position to get DC to latch and nothing has worked. I have flat nipples and now a low supply so nipple shields aren’t working. DC gets frustrated and cries so we just shove another bottle in their mouth to stop the crying. I’ve tried to only give DC a bit then get them to latch but that hasn’t worked. I feel like such a failure not being able to breastfeed. We did end up getting a dummy to keep DC quiet.

OP posts:

Whatsnewpussyhat · 12/03/2019 18:56

Not a popular opinion but if baby is just holding the bottle in mouth and not drinking it, could you try a dummy? Some babies are just sucky and it can be a comfort.

Lamkin · 12/03/2019 19:06

YOU ARE NOT A FAIlURE!!
I hate that you think that.
Give your baby a bottle and a dummy if that's what's best for YOU.

Dodgylooking · 12/03/2019 19:15

Literally every mum feels like this at some point or another! Its completely normal. Newborns are dicks. My DD is 3 now and there were so many times i had to put her down and let her scream for 5 mins while i calmed myself down and then came back to try again.
Breastfeeding didnt work out for me not matter how hard i tried and i used to cry everytime i gave DD a bottle, i felt like i was poisoning her but it turns out she grew into a happy healthy child, who is still an arsehole alot of the time, but i wouldnt change her for anything.
Being a mum is so hard especially in the early days but it does get better and you will start to like them again eventually.
I know my girl does my head in for most of the day but she'll always do one tiny thing that makes me love her more than anything in the world

Original poster

Ihatemyself2019 · 12/03/2019 19:19

Thanks everyone. Literally crying right now as I didn’t expect everyone to be so nice and supportive.

Thank you

OP posts:

seven201 · 12/03/2019 19:21

Hang in there. There's absolutely no shame in admitting to your health visitor, gp, dh, anyone that you're worried about your mental health. Please speak to dh tonight and ring or make an appt with your hv or gp to be seen tomorrow. If you explain why they'll get you the appointment. You will get though this. Some newborns are so so hard. Mine nearly broke me as she just screamed night and day (silent reflux and milk allergy). Good luck and get the help you're entitled to and need.

Spudlet · 12/03/2019 19:25

I remember banging my head on the floor with the frustration of a baby who just wouldn't sleep... not a recommended coping mechanism and I suspect not quite normal, but it's how I felt! It got easier gradually (with occasional leaps forward followed by steps back) until now when DS is 3 and so, so much more fun and easier.

It is so hard when they're little and you should ask for help, I regret terribly not being open about how badly I was struggling. No one will judge you, just like we haven't here - because we know my love, we have been there.

Be brave and ask for help and trust us all when we say it gets better - not straight away and there may be points when you think we were all lying and it never ever will, but it does.

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