I hate my newborn today

[Ihatemyself2019]

Please give me a shake. DC is 2 weeks old and I regret having a baby. I want to go back to being pregnant.

DC is formula fed and is so greedy. Constantly wants to feed and will take a bottle and just hold it in their mouth without drinking it. They cry for half of the day and are unpleasant to be around.

I want to try again and make a nicer baby.

@Ihatemyself2019 - You definitely can have a bath!! I had one after a week following my episiotomy - it was the best feeling ever! Get yourself some tea tree oil, mix it with half a cup of milk and put it in your bath water. My midwife told me to do that.

You'll feel so much cleaner and calmer for it.

Thanks again everyone! Will definitely have that bath tomorrow.

I keep looking at my child and bursting into tears as I feel like such a monster at what I put I do love them more than anything, I’m just so disappointed, tired and broken. I knew it was going to be hard but this isn’t what I was expecting

The baby was really overdue and I got so much pressure from everyone for not having her on time, even DH made out like I wasn’t trying hard enough. I feel like a failure for not having the birth I wanted and DH keeps taking the piss out of me to everyone about how I was during labour. I hate that I had to have an epidural and I hate the fact that I couldn’t even breastfeed. Now I’m hating myself more for having these thoughts about my own child.

Thanks again for everyone’s support

Your DH makes fun of how you were in labour? That’s appalling! He should be supporting you and making sure you’re fine.

Your DH needs to stop taking the piss out of you and give you some support. He gets to laugh at how you were during labour only when he’s gone through it himself! (I.e. never!) Does he realise he’s upsetting you?

It’s so hard when you go over. You feel that huge pressure from everyone and I know what it feels to have a tough birth that you didn’t expect.
DH keeps taking the piss out of me to everyone about how I was during labour
What’s he saying?

I struggled with breastfeeding too and started formula feeding. It was so far from the vision I had of myself as a mum- I had so wanted to breastfeed. Breast milk is amazing but you know what, a healthy and happy, positive mum is important too.

The baby was really overdue and I got so much pressure from everyone for not having her on time, even DH made out like I wasn’t trying hard enough. I feel like a failure for not having the birth I wanted and DH keeps taking the piss out of me to everyone about how I was during labour.

This is really upsetting to read. You can't 'try harder' to have a baby not go overdue! And no one around you should be mocking your labour. You made a person in your body, and then brought them into the world - you're a superhero no matter the exact details of how you did that! Your DH sounds pretty awful to be honest - did you find him supportive in pregnancy?

Newborns are awful. No one says it out loud but christ they're awful. 5 weeks was a massive turning point for us, it was just surviving till then.

You are not alone in feeling this way. It will get better, and you're doing a great job.

Also, a difficult birth and not being able to feed in the way you want are both known risk factors for postnatal depression, so perhaps another clue that, far from you being weak and failing, you may be battling very hard with a very nasty illness. Please think about getting help to see if that's the case - just like you would if you thought you might (I'm not saying you do have PND, just that it would be worth a chat with a professional to explore it) have a physical illness.

I hated my DS for about the first 7 weeks of his life. But then he stopped crying all the time and it got a lot easier and I love him to pieces. I'm not wanting to go back to work! Newborns are so, so hard and it's all about surviving those first 12 weeks. It's a huge adjustment, I don't think it's possible to understand how hard it is until you go through it.

Don't feel like a failure for not being able to breastfeed, try and feel proud of yourself that you tried. Any breastmilk that your DC had will have been beneficial, but you're now doing the best thing for you and them.

People don't generally tend to get the birth they wanted - I think it's baby's way of preparing you for life as a new mother. They defy your expectations at every turn! Your baby is here and safe, you did a great job.

What you're feeling is normal, OP. I'm not saying you don't need some help - I think you do, because not getting the birth you wanted and struggling to breastfeed can both be very traumatic - but lots of women have felt the way you feel (me included!) and come out the other side. Please talk to your HV and get someone to tell your DH to pull his socks up, stop talking about your birth experience and start parenting his child.

Hang in there OP. And do try the dummy. I'm not sure if you can ff without a dummy? The baby usually sucks the breast for hours but you can't have them on the bottle that long*

*Just my experience - happy to be corrected if this is wrong

Don't worry about them being addicted to dummy for life or anything, mine weaned himself off at about 4 months.

Oh, also I hated every minute of at least the first three months of my daughter's life. I felt like my life was over and I'd never get to enjoy anything again. Now she's one and I have long baths, lie-ins, sex, nights out etc etc - and I have the most amazing daughter, best pal, and love of my life. You'll get there too. I promise.

@Ihatemyself2019 please don't hate yourself and as others have said you are certainly NOT alone! When DS was two weeks old I very calmly told my DH that I was going to talk to HV about adoption....in that split second I meant it. I just didn't know what to do with this small human that cried all the time and took 40 minutes to drink a bottle. Also very much like you DS wouldn't latch so I expressed for the first month and then I gave up. Selfishly I wanted some of my life back and having to spend nearly an hour and a half feeding the baby and then expressing only to start again half an hour later was killing me.
DS is now 11 months and whilst there are new challenges it's no way near as tough as those first few weeks.
There is no shame in admitting you're finding it rough and definately no shame in talking to anyone. If motherhood has taught me anything it's that every mum finds it difficult at some point.
Good Luke OP xxx

Yes, you can definitely ff without a dummy by the way!!
But dummies are ace (or thumb sucking) so try it.

You don't have a newborn problem, you have a DH problem. You need someone to have a talk with him and square him away about his responsibilities toward you and your new child. Those responsibilities include logistical and practical ones, as well as emotional ones. He's not following through on either. You're basically a single mom, who also has to cater to the needs of a manbaby. It's no wonder you're exhausted, and it's easier to blame the baby than the man. Babies talk back less.

I can empathise, but sounds like you’re sound great; giving them a bottle as they won’t latch isn’t failing, it’s feeding them :) it’s a hard time and please do talk to someone if you think it will help, you need to be looking after yourself as well.

@Ihatemyself2019

I really wanted a bubble bath but the next best thing was a tea tree oil bath (only a few drops), I used to have a short soak 3-4 times a day to clean the stitches. I often got the pleasure of holding my baby fully dressed when I sat in it, but it helped me feel better and if DH was around even better.

Your DH doesn’t sound very supportive, mine never mentioned labour or anything about it unless I asked him. Perhaps telling him it’s really unacceptable to take the mick out of you, and if he doesn’t stop I would just walk away every time he starts.

You’re doing great, honestly! There are some mums cafes / groups which can help. I went to one (after being sceptical) and saw another new mum who looked just as frazzled as me! So it was nice to hear the reality of other mums (like you’re getting here), and it turned out my baby is “easy” 😳 which makes me feel sooo very sorry for other mums as I felt absolutely ruined by the first 5 weeks.

If you can (or want to) ask for help from family and close friends, even making you cups of tea or holding baby so you can sleep can have a huge impact on your well being.

Your update is really upsetting op... your DH's behaviour is utterly vile and revolting, and I am so sad and angry to think about what he is doing to you. What an utter, utter bastard he is being. Honestly, my blood is boiling for you.

You need to tell your HV or midwife about this and hopefully they can read him the riot act. He is behaving appallingly and you deserve better.

I'd have happily given my baby away in the early days, I didn't have much idea what to do with one, the bugger never slept and did projectile shitting which involved a huge amount of washing. It does get easier, you learn they learn and a routine happens x

Yo didn't "Try hard enough?!!!!" WTF? Your partner is an ass and totally beyond the pale! He is being a son of a bitch! Man flu? You gave birth who cares what he thinks??!! He's a wimp! You are in the middle of newborn baby nightmare! Having a child has been romanticized and reality is far different! Talk to your health visitor!

So sorry you are feeling like this OP. I loathed my newborn and that was 36 years ago.
Nobody tells you how boring it is. They don't have the attraction or fun of kittens.
I'd have preferred kittens.
It's just feeding changing and exhaustion.
I bottle fed too. I tried breastfeeding and hated it. He was never off the boob. I felt like a cow.
God how I wanted adult company.
I agree with the others try a dummy.
I tried a rigid routine of 4 hourly feeds and that worked for us. I'd wake him up for a 4 hourly feed even if he was asleep. I know that isn't popular these days but getting him into a routine saved my life.
We're incredibly close now and I wouldn't be without him. It will get better I promise.

I went over by a week, I also struggled initially with breastfeeding, and eventually we combination fed ds. I also had post natal depression and anxiety. The first six weeks of my ds's life were the hardest of mine ever. And I have a husband who's only comment on my labour performance was that he was in awe of me for doing it. (Damn right too) He was phenomenally supportive and yet I still struggled. Without that support of course you're going to have a hard time. If you can, speak to your health visitor and get them to put your dh straight. Hes being a twat, quite frankly. See your gp for some support and to check for pnd. Above all don't be too hard on yourself, and don't let anyone, anyone at all, criticise you. Especially not those who are supposed to love and support you. Everything else will come in time.

I have a 6 week old, and can honestly say the first two/three weeks were the worst and best time of my life. It's a rollercoaster of emotions, but you've got to recognise that some days and some hours are harder than the next, and some are better. My boy has just started smiling this week, and honestly looking after him now has become a million times more satisfying as I'm getting something back in his little smiles and gurgling - rather than just keeping a tiny human alive which is very tedious and hard work.

You're doing great, cherish the cuddles and the quiet moments, watch him endlessly and look after yourself as much as you can

It's definitely better when baby becomes smily and playful

So much of this reminds me of DD1.

I was lucky, I had a good birth and I have an incredibly supportive DP. The feelings that you have around feeding and motherhood really take me back.

DD1 couldn’t latch. It took 4 weeks and nipple shields before she did it. It took 11 weeks to wean her off of formula supplements. Emotionally it ruined me. I did not enjoy being a parent for months. Breastfeeding was all consuming. I was obsessive. I am not sure it was worth it. I think it caused postnatal anxiety and it was about 2 years before I finally got help and now feel better. I’ve even had DD2 and found it easier in that respect. I realise the anxiety wasn’t normal. I wish I’d had help earlier. Aging that, I still don’t enjoy newborns!!

You need to speak to your HV ASAP. The feelings you are having aren’t unusual but with help you might not feel so overwhelmed.

Also your DP needs to step up. You are a family, he is a parent. He needs to do his part and he needs to stop teasing you. You have zero control over when your baby arrives. You have zero control over your baby’s ability to latch. You have no control over how your labour progresses. Please don’t beat yourself up over these things. I did over feeding alone and it was not pretty.