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Parenting

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Original poster

I hate my newborn today

90 replies

Ihatemyself2019 · 12/03/2019 17:39

Please give me a shake. DC is 2 weeks old and I regret having a baby. I want to go back to being pregnant.

DC is formula fed and is so greedy. Constantly wants to feed and will take a bottle and just hold it in their mouth without drinking it. They cry for half of the day and are unpleasant to be around.

I want to try again and make a nicer baby.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Tinkerbell89 · 12/03/2019 19:26

Maybe you just need a hot bubble bath. Do you have a partner or family who could once LO whilst you have an hour to yourself? It'll get better, they're just learning about life. It's not easy for either of you today but tomorrow could be better. If you haven't already try a baby group to go to and meet other new mums, go for a coffee. Go for a walk. Sometimes a little trip out can help. It'll get better, might not feel like it but it will.

SnuggyBuggy · 12/03/2019 19:27

Thinking of you OP. The newborn stage is a miserable slog.

Original poster

Ihatemyself2019 · 12/03/2019 19:32

@Tinkerbell89 i’d kill for a bubble bath right now. I had an episiotomy and third degree tear so was told I wasn’t allowed one for weeks :(

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old Babies & sleep Breast & bottle feeding Families

harrypotterfan1604 · 12/03/2019 19:34

You are not a failure!!! It’s best to feed a baby whether by a bottle or by breast as long as baby is fed that’s all that matters.
I couldn’t breastfeed either, I have up after only 3 days because I was so poorly lost c-section and it was making us both really stressed out so I opted for a bottle. She is thriving from being in formula. Breastfeeding is very hard and so is being a new mum. It’s exhausing and life changing and I don’t know a single mum that hasnt thought oh god what have I done at some point especially the newborn stage.
It’s demeaning and you don’t feel like you anymore you feel like one big feeding machine that your sole purpose is to feed the baby because they want to eat every hour of the day. I promise you it gets better! My DD is now 8 weeks and she’s smiling at me, she’s staring to giggle a bit too, she sleeps well and had established her own feeding routine, this is the lovely Baby bit. You can do it!

cakesandphotos · 12/03/2019 19:41

You are absolutely not a failure! They say breast is best and that might be true but you baby needs you to be as happy and stress free as possible. Formula isn’t evil, although people would let you believe it is. My DS was started on formula about 2 weeks and it was such a relief for me! It massively took the pressure off. Be kind to yourself, talk to your HV and your DH about how you’re feeling

Omahasomewhereinmiddleamerica · 12/03/2019 19:43

Every mother has been where you are now and we have all waded our way through, you will get there.

jamiecooks · 12/03/2019 19:45

Oh honey. It’s normal. Our first night home from hospital we googled “do people regret having a baby” due to being so knackered from the sheer relentlessness of it all and him screaming blue murder for hours. But do just keep an eye on how long the feelings go on for as if they’re pretty constant you might need a bit of help. Big hugs xx

Sleepisoverrated12 · 12/03/2019 19:47

Newborns are very overrated . Just get through this and there is so much good stuff to come.

Rtmhwales · 12/03/2019 19:49

Mine did this! Just pretend to drink from his bottle for ever and then be miserable when I took it off him. Try different bottles/nipples to encourage drinking. Mine needed a faster flow because he was too lazy to suck hard.

Sarah22xx · 12/03/2019 19:51

Bless you sweet heart. Those first few weeks are the hardest, hang on in there you're doing amazing x

problembottom · 12/03/2019 19:56

OP you are overwhelmed, exhausted and emotional and it’s all totally normal. It’s a bit like an out of body experience. My baby is 10 weeks old and it is already getting easier. The feeding in particular is a doddle compared to how awful it was in the beginning when they just feed all day and night! She gives me the best smiles and giggles and it’s ace.

Don’t be afraid to ask for any support you can - I roped my mum into coming over from Ireland to help, she was a godsend, I told a friend how much I was struggling with breastfeeding and she put me in touch with an expert, and my health visitor has been great.

Zoflorabore · 12/03/2019 19:58

Hang in there lovely! You've had the biggest shock of your life, a traumatic labour and this tiny little person who is completely dependant on you. No wonder you feel bad.

Newborns are boring, I remember reading that when I was pregnant and felt a bit insulted! My newborn wasn't going to be boring- no way. But he was. And so was his sister 8 years later.

I remember feeling smug because I had 2 fantastic sleepers, literally slept from the day they were born, only now I'm getting payback now they're 8 and 16.....

please speak to your health visitor about this. Baby blues are quite normal but you may have PND which is a lot tougher and you can get lots of help and support ( I had it with my eldest ) but the best thing I can think to say is fuck the housework, do the bare minimum, eat and drink well yourself, feed baby when they need it and soon it will all get much easier, especially as you establish a routine. And remember- newborns are boring
Loads of hugs to you.

chloem93 · 12/03/2019 19:59

Hi OP.

I just wanted to pop in and say that I can relate to how you feel so much! I've had similar thoughts and obviously as loving mums we are expected to pretend like it's all roses and sunshine. If we complain, people make out like we don't appreciate what we have and we should put up and shut up.

But they don't get up for the night feeds, they don't sit there like a zombie feeding the baby while you sit there hungry. They don't sacrifice their body and self esteem. We give up our time, hobbies and sleep for our children. Of course in the first month, it's torture! I would go as far as saying it's a nightmare! At the moment the night feeds are a struggle and I bet like me, you're waiting for the next mini nap you can get in or just the next time you can go to the toilet to have alone time. I'm a single mum with no day to day help with my DD so I understand how you feel and yes I feel guilty sometimes when I think 'I wonder if adoption would have been a better choice?' Some people will think I'm a terrible mum for thinking that but when you're sleep deprived and never get any you time, it's self destructing.

But I also look at my baby when she sleeps now and think how lucky I am, when my mum watches her when I go to do an errand, I choose to rush back because I miss her. She is now 3 months old, she's doing one feed in the night and wakes any time between 6-8 to start the day. I'm saying this so you know that it gets easier! Mine was cluster feeding formula like yours in the beginning and like you, I lost patience a few times to the point I had the go into another room and breath. Yes the first few months are a killer but just think, once your babies stomach starts to be able to take more food, they will sleep more and that will let you have a nice shower, make a nice dinner and have a lovely nap... you will feel human again, I promise. Please stay strong and know that you're not alone. And if anyone judges you for thinking this way, ignore them... you feel the way you do and I also promise you, it will pass and you will love your baby.

QuestionableMouse · 12/03/2019 20:02

Fed is best. Doesn't matter if it's from a bottle or breast as long as they're fed.

Try a dummy and also get a GP appointment. You sound like you're getting PND and baby sounds like they could have reflux. Go and talk to your GP.

StubbleTurnips · 12/03/2019 20:06

OP - life with a newborn is fucking hard work. Be calm, and speak to your health visitor. Fed is best.

I had some issues with DD and BF that made me feel resentful towards her. I dislike myself for it now. We all hit rock bottom sometimes, mine was at 4am after 6hrs of her crying and not being able to soothe her.... I gave her to dh - took my duvet and went and slept in the bath. Help is there x

bethfreyaisaac · 12/03/2019 20:08

As PP have said, it's a huge adjustment having a baby. Going from a relatively free life with no restraints, to suddenly having a little person rely on you for everything!
You're only 2 weeks PP, I am 4 weeks PP with 2nd baby and I am finding it a struggle too! No shame in admitting it to people, try speak to DP and explain how you're feeling? Your body and hormones are all over the place, plus the sleep deprivation, so be kinder to yourself!

Fed is best. Remember that! I would try a dummy as it definitely does sound like comfort with keeping the bottle in their mouths. Your time with your newborn will go by so quickly, so please, stop being so hard on yourself. Definitely speak to HV/GP/Midwife about how you're feeling and get that extra support. You can do it. Wishing you all the best

PostmanPatIsIncompetent · 12/03/2019 20:10

for you. Felt like this with all three of mine (and you'd think I'd have learnt after the first one but each time it felt freshly terrible). It gets better, promise (and do talk to your HV or GP, they hear this a lot and know how to help)

Fatted · 12/03/2019 20:13

If your DC is just holding the bottle in their mouth, buy a dummy!! Best thing I ever did as a mother!!

Having a new born is a bit rubbish really and I hated it in the early days when my eldest was born. I'd had an emergency section and felt miserable and bitter for a long time about being cut open to get him out. It does get easier. Hang on in there. You are doing great and you can do this!

EffYouSeeKaye · 12/03/2019 20:14

Never mind the breastfeeding, it doesn’t matter at all. I had to give up first time around. Second time around it went better. What I learnt was:

There is NO easy way to feed a tiny baby.
Bf or ff, they turn out completely fine.

I also wanted to give mine back at one point or another in the first three weeks. Very normal feelings. Sensible, really, since they are such massive knobheads at that age I’d walk through fire for them now, though.

Just keep on keeping on as best you can. Lots of great stuff to come, I promise.

chloem93 · 12/03/2019 20:15

And if you don't use a dummy or drink wine. I suggest to you to do both 😂 that's what helps me! I've also started vaping again, well it's better than smoking 'real' fags!
I'm not telling you to start up addictions but do what you need to, to help you get through the day! Don't listen to the baby books that make out like you have to be the perfect parent! I also co slept with mine for the first few weeks as she refused to sleep in her Moses basket, I'd suggest the same to you if it helps you get some sleep. Yes I had the health visitor moan at me about that but at the end of the day, they didn't have to deal with her in the night like I did so I accepted their advise but I did what I needed to do. And as others have suggested, you could have baby blues/depression so yes, talk to your midwife or health visitor about this. I have a woman come around from the children's centre to see me to do self esteem exercises and to talk about things, you could ask your health visitor if this is a possibility? Also ask a family member, friend or partner if you have one to watch your baby for a few hours so you can have some you time! Don't feel guilty for doing this, the saying 'happy mum, happy baby' is very true. Also try to go for a walk everyday with your little one, getting outside instead of staying in will do you the world of good (of course don't do this if you aren't ready but in a few weeks perhaps!)

Good luck xx

Anothertimesoon · 12/03/2019 20:18

Hope your feeling better Op, I breastfed my first 2 dc then couldn’t with the 3rd and I felt exactly as you are describing. It was horrible. She was up every hour wanting to be fed I had no idea if I should keep feeding or not but I was just too tired to think properly, anyway a few weeks later everything seemed to click into place I had PND I spoke to my doctor and got it sorted I felt like a new woman and baby was feeding much better! Please don’t be afraid to ask for help I felt stupid as a mum of 2 already I should know what to do and shouldn’t of felt like that but when it was better I could finally enjoy being a mum again. Nothing lasts forever Xx

Sexnotgender · 12/03/2019 20:26

It’s so freaking hard, be kind to yourself, it’s a big adjustment.
My little boy is 5 weeks old and I was proud of myself if I showered and did the washing daily!

I’m just about in a routine now, it does get easier I promise. I even made it out to mother and baby group this week.

AmethystRaven · 12/03/2019 20:31

I hated the newborn stage. It's not for everyone, and there's nothing wrong with that. I survived it though, twice, and I really like having actual children so you might find the same. The early stages don't last long (I know it doesn't feel like it) and as your baby grows you'll hit a stage that you do enjoy. It's such a shock having a baby, it can take a while to find your feet but you will get through it.

Talk it through with your midwife or HV, they've heard everything and won't bat an eyelid. You're honestly not the first to have these thoughts. They should be able to offer tips, or refer you to support groups, or it could be that you have PND and they can help you get it sorted. Nothing wrong with it, I had it, and there's lots of help out there. You very well may not, but it can't hurt to talk it through.

It's early days, things will settle

azulmariposa · 12/03/2019 20:34

DC is formula fed and is so greedy. Constantly wants to feed and will take a bottle and just hold it in their mouth without drinking it.

Give the baby a dummy, they want to suck for comfort, not cause they are greedy.

You really need to speak to your midwife/hv or gp. Sounds like you might have pnd, and it really is best to get sorted as soon as you can. Don't leave it as you don't need to feel like this.

Willisleepeighthoursagain · 12/03/2019 21:07

You're not a failure at all. I stopped breast feeding after 2 days as I hated every second of it. I felt so much guilt and felt I would be judged for it but it was causing me such anxiety. He's been bottle fed ever since and he's happy as larry and putting on weight.

Nothing or no one can prepare you for those first few weeks. I think it was the darkest place I've ever been too as I was so exhausted, in pain (I had an episiotomy) and wishing for my old life back. I haven't/don't have PND, it's just so bloody hard at times and such an adjustment to your life!

My connection with my son didn't come until around week 3.

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