I hate my DS

[IGiveGiveGiveUp]

He's 12. I realise I'm actually starting to hate him. Its long and complicated and I haven't got the energy to type it all out. We've had support for a few years, been on parenting courses, have family support, he's had childrens mental health assessment, blah blah blah. None of it changes the fact that he' a horrible little shit (and no I don't say that to him) . I've decided today I'm just going to give up trying with him anymore, 12 years of loving, caring parenting (by me and DP) has got us nowhere. So I've decided he can f*ck off today. Roll on his 18th birthday so I can get rid of him.

I am so sorry you are in such an awful worn down place. I hope you find the support you deserve

Sounds really difficult

I have had similar struggles with my ds, but seem to be coming out the other end several years later, so I can sympathise.

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this away, it must be so tough.

It sounds like you have worked hard to try and improve things and it hasn't worked, it must be awful.

I hope for you that he improves himself as he matures.

Well your poor son. That’s all I can say except for....

Some of how he is will be down to parenting.

That sounds very tough. No advice as I don't know anything about this kind of situation, but I didn't want to leave you unanswered.

Do you want to say a bit more about the situation? Do you think he is happy? Do you think he is at risk of getting on the wrong side of the law as he gets older?

Sounds so so tough. Sympathy op

Perfectly understandable to feel like that. Be kind to yourself.

I am not liking my 12 yr old very much right now either. I wouldn't go so far as to say hate but I'm finding him very hard to be around.
I don't have any answers, I'm sorry. I am holding on to the odd glimpses of lovely boy I occasionally see, and the nice things other people say about him. That is just about seeing me through.

Has your boy always been tricky or is it a recent thing?

Thanks Believeitornot - you know a lot about my parenting obviously!

I'm really sorry, you sound so ground down.

What has happened today to tip you over the edge?

*Well your poor son. That’s all I can say except for....

Some of how he is will be down to parenting.*

Helpful I'm presuming that goes for adults too?

He's been hard for a few years. Its getting worse.

He's your DS. Sometimes they do behave like shits.

Teenage years are v difficult. Can't say my wonderful middle DD was very nice from 11 1/2 to 13 1/2 at all, she was a screaming banshee and all of life was unfair. She is back to being lovely aged 14 as we kept up dialogue and boundaries and listening.

I hope you can get through this. He will behave worse if he thinks you don't like or love him anymore.

Also, you are very brave posting this

My son is 13 and has severe mental health issues. I'm finding it hard to like him: I love him; maybe you actually feel like this too?

Some of how he is will be down to parenting.

Often that is true, but:

1. Not always. Some kids can be very difficult for no clear reason.
2. None of us get it right all the time and you have no Idea of OPs situation.
3. How is that comment useful? Is it anything more than spite?

I'm sorry you feel like this. But you can't give up on him or it will get worse. What are his behaviours that you dislike so much? Does he have SN?

There is a reason why many children start boarding at 13. He may well improve when he gets older.

If you don’t want him and aren’t bothered about him, why not boot him out now into the care system?

Tbh most 12 year olds aren't very nice so a lot of parents will have felt this way, they just don't admit it!

Get tougher with him xx

Hi folks

On reflection, we don't believe that AIBU is the right place for this.
We'll be moving it to parenting.

OP. We hope your difficult situation gets better.

We all have difficulties with parenting and have low moments but that was so full of spite. Is there any wonder you're child has problems if that is your attitude? I'd be interested to hear your poor son's side of the story, maybe that would explain some of it.

I am so sorry. Posting to share empathy and to say please ignore the solitary poster saying it’s your fault. Just ignore that bullshit based on not knowing anything. I have 5 children and we are a perfectly normal, middle class family, nice house, good schools, everything average. One of our kids is utterly awful. Like bang your head against a wall shit. So mean to the others, sarcastic, unpleasant, shouts, hurts others. It’s unbearable and I at this point I find loving them hard. Be kind to yourself. The others are ok. I don’t think it’s all parenting, it’s nature too and it’s clear that yours and mine have a nature sent to test us. I’m so sorry.

12 years of loving, caring parenting (by me and DP) has got us nowhere

I am absolutely sure that's not true. It may not be for many years but you will one day see the effects of your efforts. I deal with kids who have been given up on, it's not good.

I think there are actually quite a lot of people who sometimes feel the same way as you OP. I am sure you still love him though. Are there any good days? I have had some tough times with a 12 year old and try to remind myself of the good days to get through the bad ones.