I hate my DS

[IGiveGiveGiveUp]

He's 12. I realise I'm actually starting to hate him. Its long and complicated and I haven't got the energy to type it all out. We've had support for a few years, been on parenting courses, have family support, he's had childrens mental health assessment, blah blah blah. None of it changes the fact that he' a horrible little shit (and no I don't say that to him) . I've decided today I'm just going to give up trying with him anymore, 12 years of loving, caring parenting (by me and DP) has got us nowhere. So I've decided he can f*ck off today. Roll on his 18th birthday so I can get rid of him.

Hi there, my mum had a few problems with my brother growing up, he was a little shit until he hit 17, then suddenly grew up! He's now 22 and a lovely uncle to my little man , hang in there x

Thank you for the sympathy and support everybody. I've just caught up on posts after a hellish day. I've come away from home for the evening staying with a friend. DS has been awful including willful damage to the house which would cost £3k to put right again (which we don't have so will need to live with the damage). He has said some horrible things, so have i. I've been back in touch with social worker today about us getting more support. He has 'high functioning autism' diagnosis.

I would be interested to hear if your few critics on this thread have had to deal with similar. I would imagine not.

Then I’d highly recommend reading The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and Managing Meltdowns by Deborah Lipsky. I found all other interventions utterly useless.

I am glad you are reaching out in rl for more support.

You may actually get more help posting in sn’s more people who live it .

for you. You're doing your best, no-one could expect more. I'm glad you got out to your friend's for an evening.

I haven't had to deal with anything like this but I was an extremely difficult child back in the dark ages. It does pass - honest.

How are.you doing today @igivegivegiveup?

Thanks Xmastummyhasgonebig. Much better today thanks. I've calmed down. The time out last night/this morning at my friends has done me good and I didn't see DS until this eve. We've had a good chat and on good terms again though some consequnces are in place for his behaviour over the hellish weekend. I've realised I've got to do something about my anger and reacting to him. He's heading inot teens and I know its going to get worse (God help me). I also need to help him manage his anger better too. I do love him and sometimes hate him at the same time and certainly hate what I become sometimes because of the effect he has on me. This parenting business is a f*cking nightmare !

Miss Malice - I've got the Explosive Child but not got round to reading it yet. I will !

There’s a Facebook group too - you can find it on the livesinthebalance.org website. It completely turned my relationship with my son around and with just a few simple tweaks.

That's so good you've had a better day and you've been in touch with your social worker. Sorry if you've mentioned this but does he have an EHCP? Does he qualify for DLA/PIP? I only ask because you might be able to apply for some short breaks funding to give yourselves some much needed and deserved respite? Is he under the disabled children's team? If so they may able to set up some family support for you all. I hope things can get better. You can also ask for an independent adviser to support you through the EHCP application process if that is a route you want to go down. I admire any parent who has a child with additional needs. Unless you've walked in their shoes you will never know how they feel.

Oh, OP. for you.

I have one child with high functioning ASD. However, I could never express anything negative about this, and about his behaviour, as XH had the monopoly on this. My job was to massage, appease, pour oil on troubled waters, be the 'coper'. It was my job to cope with the threats of expulsion from school, the complaints from other parents, the fallout for his siblings (who weren't allowed to come here because of DS's behaviour). And so on. I was never allowed to cry, be upset, be worried. Instead, I had to smile and jolly everyone along. XH and I had mostly sessions with CAMHS. The thing that completely floored me was the (lovely) psychologist asking me who was looking after me while I was looking after everyone else. It was the only time I cried in all the sessions, but this question was the end of my marriage - because the answer was: nobody.

It was hell.

It is better now that this DC is older (nearly 18). But his behaviour now and then were/are nothing to do with the way he is/was parented (apart from XH making it worse). He is the way he is. It's very hard on the sibling/s, though.