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Original poster

Hubby left 18 month old home alone - advice needed please

113 replies

MamaBear0307 · 16/12/2018 00:46

I found out tonight that my husband left our 18 month old alone in the house sleeping whilst he popped to the corner shop to get beer. Now that I’ve found out about this I strongly suspect this isn’t the first time this has happened.
I’m actually in shock that he could be so selfish. I am a very relaxed mother but this I am not ok with.
The shop is 30 second walk from the house so not a massive distance.
Please tell me what you think, what would you do? How would you react and handle this?

Thank you xxx

OP posts:
INeedNewShoes · 16/12/2018 03:32

A baby and an 18m old aren't quite the same. Most 18m olds could climb out their cot if they really wanted to.

civicxx · 16/12/2018 03:40

To add to the other side.

I lived 4 doors down from the small corner COOP. I had a voice and camera baby monitor thats range reached the first till in the COOP. I went to said shop at 9pm (locked the door) when daughter was asleep for milk. Monitor left with man on the till (lived there years/he'd worked there years) I grabbed milk & was back home less than 2 minutes later.

My boyfriend hit the bloody roof, I thought he was being ridiculous. It's not something I did often.

Is there anymore to this story eg baby monitors? Phone app?

Reccy2018 · 16/12/2018 04:01

puddled2

You let this happen before..why are you so shocked it happened again ?

She didn't let it happen again. She found out and now suspects it isn't the first time

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MattFreisCheekyDimples · 16/12/2018 04:10

Nope, still not getting it. It would be riskier to have a bath or shower while your toddler sleeps. And if we're saying you shouldn't do that either, then when should wash exactly? If you're a single parent, presumably you'd have to get a babysitter in. Hmm

SilverDoe · 16/12/2018 04:10

Oh dear, I think the full bottle of wine and the beer is a bit worse Shock

(Still don’t think it’s acceptable to leave a tot on their own. One f the main reasons actually because my DD would be highly distressed if she was left alone and had perceived me to have left the house without her - they’re far to small to understand that you’ll be back in a few minutes.

Hope you’re okay, this sounds like a huge, potentially marriage ending issue Flowers

Italiangreyhound · 16/12/2018 04:14

MamaBear "He’s also had a whole bottle of wine before that too"

Sorry just spotted this. You have bigger issues if your baby's father thinks he can parent properly when tanked up on wine and beer.

mathanxiety · 16/12/2018 04:16

Your husband has a serious drinking problem.

He cannot be trusted with your baby.

It's up to you how you decide to handle this matter, but if it was me I would give him an ultimatum. He has to choose what is more important, the drinking or the family.

Original poster
MamaBear0307 · 16/12/2018 10:15

I do see what you’re saying which is why I posted because the shop is close by and I wondered if perhaps I was overreacting.
Talking of gardens DH will have his morning cigarette out there with LO playing in the house (i leave for work early so I’m not there) but DH closes the double glazed patio doors and a kitchen door so he can’t hear LO then and I don’t think thats ok either

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaBear0307 · 16/12/2018 10:24

@bollockingbaubles

I found out when I got home around 11:30pm. I’d been on a rare night out and gone for dinner with friends, when I got back I saw the empty red wine bottle which he’d purchased earlier in the day but I saw beers in the fridge which definitely weren’t there when I left. So I asked him if he’d been to the shop and he said yes not long after I’d left (and 6pm) and I asked where the baby was at that time and he said asleep in bed. The baby goes to sleep at 7:30 earliest so I know he’s lying about the time. I’m 100% certain he went after he’d finished the bottle of wine which means it was late at night. Which makes me more upset that he’s lying about ir

OP posts:
stridesy · 16/12/2018 10:25

It would be slightly different but still risky if it was milk or nappies for the baby but not beer.
I accidentally locked myself out the house and my 3 year old in the house. I had the car keys as was getting something from the car. Luckily my oh worked 5 minutes up the road. Horrible feeling. Luckily my son hadn't noticed I'd gone.

LettuceP · 16/12/2018 10:25

Personally I think if the shop is VERY close and it's for something essential (baby milk, nappies etc) then it's not the end of the world. Obviously sensible thing is to take baby with you but it's not a hanging offence if you can be there and back in a few minutes and baby is sleeping. But the fact that he went for beer when he'd already had a whole bottle of wine is just Shock totally unnecessary risk to take. Also drinking that much while being solely responsible for a child is not good at all.

justanotherchristmaspudding · 16/12/2018 10:28

@Annandale oh my goodness.. what happened next???

SaltPans · 16/12/2018 10:29

A friend of mine, was left in her home along with her twin brother at 18 months, and the other siblings, while their mother went to the shops. The place caught fire, and the children were only rescued because a neighbour heard them screaming. The children were taken into care - and she grew up in care, so there was no going back!

Beamur · 16/12/2018 10:31

The quantity of alcohol is a real problem. He's not making good decisions.

Original poster
MamaBear0307 · 16/12/2018 10:32

Thanks everyone I really appreciate your time in replying I’ve found it really useful to know I’m not totally off the mark in my opinion on this.
I know he’s got a drinking problem. Unfortunately he doesn’t :-(

OP posts:
Annandale · 16/12/2018 10:34

I found a spare key that I didn't remember I had in my coat pocket. My usual keys are tied to a wallet I wear round my neck (I have form for losing things, like other people breathe). I'd left that behind because I was only nipping up the road.... I was so terrified. We have a keysafe now.

Original poster
MamaBear0307 · 16/12/2018 10:36

@saltpans oh my gosh that’s awful. It’s made me well up.
How long was the mother gone for when she went to the shops?
How did the fire start?

My DH is from a respectable family and has an excellent job but the way he behaves sometimes sounds like he’s some slob off Jeremy Kyle.

OP posts:
justanotherchristmaspudding · 16/12/2018 10:36

I would be absolutely fuming @MamaBear0307 but I'd be most worried about his drinking. But if you love him and are prepared to work through this then the drinking will be something you can hopefully support him with getting help for - if he wants to get help and if he accepts he has a problem. If he is an alcoholic then his need for alcohol could have totally overtaken any worries about his child, he could have told himself he'd be fine or not even given it a second thought. My husband has joked that he's left our children asleep and gone to the shop (5 min walk!!!) and I wasn't amused but he'd never actually do it.

When my 1 year old was napping I went into my neighbours garden for her to show me something (she pulled the fence panel up) and had been there almost minutes before it occurred to me I didn't have the baby monitor....

Also my niece one smashed her head falling off a tv unit.. before she was 2 and had to go to a and e, her brother was telling me the story and said 'I had to run next door and get mummy' ........!!!!!!!

SilverDoe · 16/12/2018 10:38

MamaBear so sorry you’re going through this so close to Christmas.

My attitude towards people with addictions it that if they can admit their problem and want to change it then stick by them, but if they can’t do that then you have to protect yourself and especially your DC.

I agree with you that I bet it’s not the first time he’s done this :(

justanotherchristmaspudding · 16/12/2018 10:39

@Annandale luckily you were so prepared.. I'd have to smash a window or something, although I'm not sure how easy that is to do!

Last summer in the intense heatwave I was putting my children in the car to go and collect the eldest from school, as I went round to go and get the toddler in I chucked my keys and phone on the front seat, shut the door and went round the other side, the car had locked with my newborn, phone and keys inside......

Luckily my neighbour was indoors, I rang my mum and she came to my rescue with a spare house key so I could run inside and get my car key!

Notsurehowifeel0 · 16/12/2018 10:45

I never understand the posters who say it's the same as showering/going to the toilet. It really isn't the same. Your not in the same house! You've left a child unattended and I'm pretty sure the police/social services wouldn't see it as the same as going to the bathroom if something happened to the child in those few minutes you popped to the shop Hmm
It's a bloody disgrace to leave a child home alone at that age no matter how close the shop is.

There has been two house fires near me lately. If you were in the shower you would hear your smoke alarm and hopefully get the baby out in time. If you are at the shop your baby could be dead from smoke inhalation by the time you get back. That isn't an over the top view it's reality. How anyone can be ok with leaving a baby at home to get alcohol is beyond me and it's disgusting!

Notsurehowifeel0 · 16/12/2018 10:45

Cross post with SaltPans

Applesandpears23 · 16/12/2018 10:57

Those saying what about a garden, I wouldn’t go to the end of a long garden without a monitor. The main difference though is that you shouldn’t put a locked door between you and your child. In most houses you can’t get locked out going into the garden. Also if anything happened to the house you are more likely to be aware of it in the garden than in a local shop.

Original poster
MamaBear0307 · 16/12/2018 10:58

@civicxx nope, no baby monitors taken with him. Nor phone app.

If he’s popped out to get milk or something essential I might be a little more understanding however as it was to get beer whilst he was already drunk there’s just no excuse for that

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 16/12/2018 11:00

Leaving the child home for 30 seconds for an emergency such as gas top up, but ok but acceptable-ish

Leaving him alone to buy beer after drinking a bottle of wine? Despicable

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