Why do parents give themselves so much hassle.....I'm talking ' bedtimes'..

[mozhe]

.....my neighbour has been up and down our stairs,( they are staying chez mozhe as new windows being put in...),for the best part of 4 hours !!! Trying to settle her 4 DCs,( aged 5 months- 9yrs ).She says it's like this every night.....
The mozhe DCs go to bed when they are tired...it varies a bit from night to night but generally about 10.30/11pm...the whole tribe is asleep within 5 mins !!They have all been allowed to develop their own preferences/habits as to where/when/how they fall asleep...surely this is commonsense ?

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Sometimes they cry at bed time because they're too tired. Occasionally we'd made bed time earlier and they've gone to sleep faster than later when they're over tired. I think a lot of children just are difficult at bed time up to age 4 and 5. I don't think parents should blame themselves for that but when it works it's much easier. Ours have generally liked the same routine each night... just wait until they're older. Apparently one of mine texted her sister at 2.30am today to ask where she gets the night bus from from Oxford St, no reply from sister and she got home about an hour ago, presumably stayed with a friend....

Lol at VSS re tantrums and scientific experiments! I'm another in the "wanting some breaks from them" camp. They're both lovely and not difficult usually, unless they've gone to bed later than usual (7.30 - 7.45ish), in which case we end up paying for it the next day with very grumpy out of sorts children, that even have the occasional unwarrented tantrum.
Re the OP i think i would find that kind of bedtime routine very painful on daily basis, likewise the one that consists in having my children up till all hours....
BTW I also live in France, and my children take a siesta in the afternoons too, this doesn't seem to mean they are any less tired at 7.30.

No problems with bed times here. There were would massive problems if my kids were only getting to sleep at 11pm.

Grrrr...don't understand ? I work full time...have never worked part time. That thread was about the pitfalls,( as I see them )of part time working...

I think the full-time versus part-time working issue is a bit reductive.

I know people who work 75 hours per week full time and people who work 35 hours per week full time. And I know people who work 4 hours per week part time and people who work 45 hours a week part time.

The British are proud of their record holding as the hardest working people in Europe. The French will never beat us at that.

Xenia - what has that got to do with anything??????????

I do find I put the children to bed quite early if DH is away

But the running up and down the stairs bit? Why? My children don't ask for drinks in bed. Never have. Ds can read in bed if he likes, dd chats to her toys. They fall asleep when they're ready - which varies a lot IME.

My DC@s are in bed and asleep by 7.30 - 8pm every night! We have a brilliant physical routine, but times are flexible.

The routine is set in stone, everyone in mummy and daddy's bed for drinks and a story then in to thier beds to sleep. Works like a dream.

Routine, routine, routine!!!!

That IS true xenia......overwork,( or even a bit less than that..., and the french do not go hand in hand

Xenia - What - the british the hardest working people in Europe? Where on earth did you get that from?

Do you know how hard the flemish work?

anniemac - that's the problem. Routines work brilliantly until the time they stop working . For one reason or another. Ours 'chose' their own bedtimes by needing differing amts of sleep, and by getting tired at different times. But then we try to stick to those times. But there has to be flexibility too. Weekends tend to be more free and easy.

cos I want to watch Big Brother with a glass of wine

I love bedtime in my house. Ds(7) is up in bed by 7.30/8pm. I read him a story (or 2), sing his song and give him a cuddle. MOre often than not I lie with him till 8.30. He is usually asleep when I leave. I know he can go off to sleep without me lying with him as when I cant he goes off fine.

I love that quiet time with him at the end of the day and it is gloriously relaxing (smoetimes I have a little doze too ) When No2 arrives we will probably all snuggle together. I dont feel I have made a 'rod for my back' by doing what I do and it works very well. Ds stays in bed when I leave him for the night and sleeps through.

If I had 4 children I dont think I would be able to do what I do now so am not commented on your neighbours situation, but I certainly dont think I would ds jsut trail up to bed when he feels like it. Firstly kids thrive on routine and secondly when I come out of his room at night then dp and I have our adult time. When ds is older then he will be staying up later but not at 7 years old.

10 or 11

if my kids went to bed at that ungodly hour, they'd also need to kip in the day.

On the occasions when the do go to bed ridiculously late, they are miserable for days afterwards.

My kids thrive on routine, they like to know what's going to happen and when. It gives them a sense of stability.

Considering I am in bed most nights before 10, your system wouldn't work in our house. So in answer to the OP - no I don't think it makes sense at all to let children develop their own "pattern".

when dd was little and i did not have to get up in the mornings then we used to send her to bed quite late (after 9pm) and enjoy having time with her.

however now there are two they go to bed about 8 o clock (ds normally a little earlier)

i love my evenings to myself with dh they are blissful.

we also have a very short bedtime routine. they get ready for bed and go to bed. sometimes we will do a story but it is not routine by any standard.

Some children are fine on the continental model - late nights with longer afternoon naps. My niece was, my nephew really was not. He needed (and still needs)less sleep than his sister but he is a natural lark so late nights became a REAL problem when he started school.

He was sOOOO difficult to wake in the mornings but earlier bedtimes were pretty much impossible as his dad was a single parent and by the time he got home from work and fed them, got them to bed etc it was always 9pm or later.

I personally think this is part of the problem my nephew developed with school and to this day he is is struggling at school despite being obviously brighter than his siter in many ways. His concentration was terrible etc.

The problem with Mozhe's post is it seems to sugeest that early bedtimes are often at the expense of a child's real needs. This is true but so are late bedtimes.

Fact is most children have to fit in with the greater needs of a family and the culture that the family operates in - for some that will be fine, for others it will be more difficult.

LC - interesting post. Regarding the impact of school I had to warn ds's teacher that he may be tired today cos my ex kept him up till after 12.30am at the weekend He went to bed for 8ish last night but slept in late this morning.

Just reading this and it is interesting to read the different points of views on this.

My Ds 3yrs.. we try and have him in a routine for bed, where by it is bath , story with milk (in a zippy cup) and blanket, he will generally fall asleep listening to story. If he doesnt he is left to whinge alittle and he will (most of the time eventually go to sleep) but it has taken us a lot to get here.. We start the routine about 6.30 everynight. he used to go to bed later as he only needed 8-9hrs.. But now he is back to needing 12 so he goes to bed a little earlier.

My dd who is 10yrs (nearly 11) goes to bed between 9.30 and 10pm on a school night, then whenever she wants on a non school night. We send her upstairs or to her playroom if we want to watch adult programmes, and she knows that if we are going to bed then that means tv in room and music etc is turned of and she is to go to sleep to.

That is what works for us.