Why do parents give themselves so much hassle.....I'm talking ' bedtimes'..

[mozhe]

.....my neighbour has been up and down our stairs,( they are staying chez mozhe as new windows being put in...),for the best part of 4 hours !!! Trying to settle her 4 DCs,( aged 5 months- 9yrs ).She says it's like this every night.....
The mozhe DCs go to bed when they are tired...it varies a bit from night to night but generally about 10.30/11pm...the whole tribe is asleep within 5 mins !!They have all been allowed to develop their own preferences/habits as to where/when/how they fall asleep...surely this is commonsense ?

Er, do you think maybe your neighbour could be having trouble getting her dcs to sleep because they are in a strange house?

Also maybe the fact that your dcs are all awake (and possibly making some noise) may be making life a little harder for her?

Knock the poor woman when she's down why don't you?

Im not a routine person, but <span class="italic">on</span> <span class="italic">principal</span>, I believe that kids should be in bed by at least around 8 or 9 depending on age, so that they are rested the next day and more importantly, so that mum can have time to herself. Unfortunately, though, my 8 month old has no real bed-time, because what I do varies from day to day and evening to evening. I suppose if I really tried, shed go to bed by a particular time, but I really believe that because she cant crawl yet (at nearly 9 months) she has a lot of pent-up energy, and simply cannot fall asleep. Im sure that when shes crawling and walking, shell fall asleep more easily in the evening, and then I`ll try a bath, story, bed routine.

I agree with Mozhe (never thought that would happen!); I think sometimes parents assume that their children need more sleep than they do (based on some one-size-fits-all philosophy), hence a bedtime struggle. In Ango Saxon countries we are too welded to the idea of monophasic sleep (one huge long stretch), and official guidelines that all children of a certain age should sleep X hours/night. Rather than responding to the child's obvious individual needs, or having a few sleep periods, which suits some families fine, and may be more natural to the human species.

I'm confused by people who put their DC to bed at 7am then complain about 5am wakings, or even put them to bed at 7pm and then lock their children in their rooms until 7am so they don't have to interact with their children before a time that suits them. I can understand wanting your adult time and space space, but it's weird locking them in their rooms in the name of making sure their child sleeps enough, when it's obvious that their child NEVER sleeps all of that time, and doesn't actually need to.

If strict routines and early bedtimes works for you that's great, but if it's not working, we shouldn't be discouraged from experimenting.

I couldn't bear to have the kids still up at 10 or 11 and dd1 would never cope with it. she is 7 and needs to get up at 7am to get ready for school. dd2 is 2 and wouldn't last till anything like that time. they bothe go to bed at 7 and dd1 reads for a little while.

I go to bed at 10 cause dd3 is now waking every 3 hours again and often craps at 6 so then we are up

agree with clop re early bedtimes and early waking.

I would love my children to have a siesta and sleep late in the evening, because I work f/t as well. Only dd2, age3 does it though. The others are in bed nominally at 8,30. I do do the running up and down stairs shrieking, only because I know they dont sleep in the afternoons (they are home from school at 1pm), and they will be tired at school if they stay up til 11.

Message withdrawn

hijack - NightyNight - still haven't heard anything from you by CAT

I sent a CAT on Sunday! maybe it got lost, will try again.
situation has gone from red to amber alert overnight, as far as I can judge though.

Each to their own but we do something similar to Mozhe.
At the moment 9y and 10y usually go up to bedrooms around 8-8:30. Sometimes they are still awake at 10.
12y goes up 9:30-10.
7y and 3y stay downstairs where they fall asleep somewhere between 9 and 10:30. However, if 3y has had a sleep in the day she is sometimes awake until much later.
14y and 16y generally go up to bed about 10ish.
20y and 17y whenever.
They are all up 7-8am. Some days the teens are teens and don't surface until gone 11am but that's not often.

Shrieking and running up and downstairs is a complete waste of time and energy IMO.

I don't think it matters in the slightest at what time children go to bed providing they are sufficiently rested to go about their normal activities the next day. Some children need much more sleep than others and will need earlier bedtimes.

As for parents who think they should be able to have their evenings to themselves...

10.30/11?

My dses are always in bed asleep by 7. IMHO it's just wrong to let a child stay up late. What about school? What about the 10/11/12 hours sleep they need?

Mozhe - start another thread in a year or two when you're trying to get them up for school!

Mozhe, how old are your kids, and how late do they sleep in?

Mozhe - it's interesting when you say they have each developed their own routine naturally. It's very convenient then, that this routine (which is unusual to say the least) fits in perfectly with your lifestyle.

What would you do if one of your dc wants a routine that is more conventional, say going to bed at 7pm?

If I let my dd1 develop her own routine, I strongly suspect she would go to bed at 10pm, then wake up and play 2am - 4am, then get up at 5:30am and then sleep for much of the day, leaving dh and I knackered.

clop - let me explain the early to bed, too early to rise thing to you.

DD1 goes to bed 7:30pm.

She gets up between 5:30 -7am. Annoyingly early.

So.....it makes sense to put her to bed later, no? In the hope that she will wake later?

WRONG!!!!!

The later she goes to bed, the more likely she is to wake up crying in the night, and she will still get up 5:30am - 7am. She will then be tired the whole day.

Some children naturally have healthy sleep patterns. Other children just don't, and it takes an awful lot of skill and patience to get them sleeping well.

Anna,what's wrong with parents wanting some time to themselves?
Healthy,I would have thought.

I love having the evening for dh and I. It's great.

What will happene when the younger ones go to school though?
I agree with the poster who said about the guest's kids probably unable to sleep with your lot still awake. She probably thinks you're routine is wierd too!

good points, compo. One evening at someone else's house is hardly representative of what happens every night in their own house.

I think I would find it quite stressful trying to get my children to bed in Mozhe's house

I was assuming that Anna was being sarcastic re: parents having time to themselves??

As for children staying up late....I work FT, and do not see enough of my DCs during the week, however I personally don't believe that keeping them up late would be good for their overall wellbeing, or mine for that matter! My kids are in bed asleep by 7.30/8, and up at 7.

Doe school kids in France have sietas during the school day?

mozhe, I honestly think you are building up problems for the future.
If you don't start with good sleeping habbits when you DCs are small, it will be much more difficult when they get older.
Let us know how you are getting on in three or four years... when you will probably be trying to figure out why they cannot concentrate at school.

Mohze -I think it just depends on what works for you and your own circumstances.
For me, personally, my 11 month old going to bed at a reasonable time is crucial so that I get space to myself. She goes to bed at 7:30pm - 8pm, with around an hour for wind-down, stories, bath if she has one, soft music, gentle play in her room, cuddles and milk. I love this time, so does DP. But, to be honest, she sort of picked this time over a period of a few months herself. She would too tired with a different routine.

However, my BIL/SIL has a 4 yo and an 8mo. 4 yo goes to bed at the same time as they do, which is around 11.30pm, and has a nap during the day still. Currently the baby also has a similar routine, sleeps in the day and goes to bed when he is ready at night.
They both sleep very very well, have great temperaments, no sleep issues at all, 4 yo always goes to bed when asked.

I think this routine is chosen as both parents work until 6pm and get home around 7pm so it means they get to spend time as a family (they live in USA).

that works for them, would not work for me, or for my dd.

oh and 4 yo has no concentration issues at all, a clever bright child. Cant comment on the baby yet!

I think all parents need time to themselves but I am shocked that any parent would think that it is OK to make children go to bed earlier than the child needs in order to get it.

Waynetta - a lot of children in école maternelle seem to get a sleep at school, and children quite commonly nap when they get in from school at 4-4.30 pm.

Children eat later than in the UK.