Worried for friends kids

[Fabaunt]

Before I start she is an amazing mom who loves her kids but their diet is deplorable. They’re aged 4 and almost 2. Both parents suffer with being quite large so I worry the kids may too. I know kids can be fussy but this seems more. I had them over the weekend and the food list I was left with was
Breakfast:
Frosties and milk

Lunch:
Pre made pancakes heated up and butter

Dinner:
Sausage and chips

Tea:
Waffles

Snacks:
Yogurt, biscuits, lollipops.

The 4 year old refuses to eat any sort of vegetable, and won’t eat anything you could sneak veg into. It’s literally chips and sausages and if he’s feeling adventurous he might try a chicken nugget.

Yesterday I made a yummy dinner with veg and potato, and they both literally spat it out, the oldest child crying for a “real dinner”. A real dinner being chips and sausages. He’s given adult portions (a bag of chipper chips and two sausages) and has takeaway multiple times a week. The baby is on the exact same path. She doesn’t seem to think it’s an issue and has even argued with the oldest child’s school over him not being allowed certain food for lunch arguing he won’t eat anything else and she won’t have him hungry. He won’t even eat French toast without it being smothered in chocolate. I don’t mean to judge but I love these kids and am scared for them.

God, their diet doesn't sound great but saying you are "scared" for them is ridiculous. You say you don't mean to judge, but you clearly are. With friends like you who needs enemies.

I’m scared that they’re going to be obese like both their parents, that they’ll have health issues, that they’ll miss out on so much if they’re unfit/unhealthy. Rest assured, I want to help her in anyway that I can so her children have the best possible start in life. I just don’t know how to.

If that’s the kind of food they eat all the time then I find that really sad and quite frankly neglectful.

The fact is with a diet like that those poor children will be on a path to obesity. It good that you care OP.

People who are unfit aren't missing out on life. 

You sound way overinvested in this. Other parents make parenting choices you disagree with and you have to let them crack on with it. I'm sure you make plenty of choices your friends disagree with.

Do you think telling your friend her kid's diet is shit and they're going to end up fat like her and miss out on so much would go down well? You can offer the kids healthy meals when they visit and suggest activities like swimming, that's about it.

I disagree. Obesity is not a fun lifestyle for children. I will take your suggestions of swimming on board and will offer to have them over at the weekend and feed them

It’s well known that childhood obesity often has long-term physical, psychological and sociological consequences. It can affect what career options are available to that child when they grow up, it has a knock on effect on their self esteem - it shouldn’t but it so often does.

It's a terrible diet I agree but at the end of the day they are not your kids. Careful you don't cross a line and lose your friends, people can be very sensitive about their weight and diet. The best you can do is model a healthy lifestyle Inc eating a balanced diet and offering them the same.

I would be careful about giving them completely unfamiliar food because you could just end up with them refusing to come to your house. I would suggest doing fun activities involving healthy food as well as the food they're used to. Eg you could make fruit salad with them ('lets make a rainbow snack' not 'lets make some nice healthy fruit salad'). Don't pressure them to eat it just make it fun for them. Don't let on that you disapprove of their mum's cooking. I don't think two sausages is really excessive for a four year old but my four year old is very tall and active.

Poor kids. Crap diet and negative for long term health

Of course children and teens who are unfit miss out. If an adult makes that choice it's up to them but children is their parents responsibility. I have children a similar age who are fussy but you just have to persevere.

You sound like a good friend OP!

Or give them a small portion of something they're used to and offer something else as well (eg peas). Encourage them to try but don't pressurise.

It’s a hideous diet!

You could make some healthy swaps-

Whole meal flour home made pancakes with blueberries/strawberries

Potato wedgies instead of chips?

Home made chicken goujons?

Can you speak to her about it? Is the 4 year old fat?

Very very tricky. And yes a crap diet affects not only your health, but also your brain function, serotonin levels. It really is neglect.

Letting your child become obese is a form of neglect. I knew someone who ended up with permanent bone damage due to childhood obesity. It does have real consequences.

I'm afraid that would be the end of the friendship for me. It's not just about the children's diet, it's the whole family and unfortunately for your friends are unlikely to listen to your view given that they complained to the school about lunchbox rules rather than adjusting what they sent. I couldn't stand by and watch this level of neglect and I would really be questioning the morals of anyone who could do this to their children. Their diet is lacking in vitamins and minerals let alone giving their children a very narrow view of food.

Black cat - just curious but do you not have friends who make different parenting choices to you? I have a friend who smokes (though does her best to minimise her child's exposure). I hate the fact that I can smell the smoke in her house but she is still a valued friend and a great mum and I understand that it's not straightforward to give up. What would breaking off my friendship with her achieve except for me and my children losing a lovely friend?

Ps I'm sure I do things that she disagrees with but she is still friends with me!

That’s a fab idea about making rainbow food with them. I would agree that 2 sausages, as a treat, wouldn’t be excessive but I am an adult and I wouldn’t eat more than 2 sausages in a meal, as a rare treat. These kids eat them every day, and get chipper food as actual dinner. “Real dinner” as the four year old called it. He is not huge, but he’s chubbier than most 4 year olds. It doesn’t come from a bad place with her, she would be very much the kind of person who will only do what she enjoys rather than what she must do, and she wouldn’t eat veg herself, thinks it’s gross, so can understand the children not liking it and therefore doesn’t encourage it. When the first child started on solid food it was all about convenience and it would be whatever could be thrown into the oven (chips and nuggets) rather than fresh food prepared and he just has never gotten out of the habit. The baby is gone the same way now. I have tried bring it up gently with her as in “has X gotten any better with trying new food?” which is always met with a no, and either an excuse as to why she isn’t trying or a change of conversation so I don’t want to push it, as I know it’s making her uncomfortable. I bought him a plate before with like 5 or 6 little parts on it, where you put a treat at the end and if he eats the food on each section he gets the treat at the end, but she just let him go straight for the treat so the plate didn’t work.

I would be very concerned with that diet. But I’m not sure what you can do about it. Invite them over for tea but make something healthier eg pasta with hidden vegetables sauce.

Suggest going swimming or to the park all together. My local supports centre do a session called mini movers which is free activity class which I think also does healthy food education as part of it. I must remember to look it up we have darker afternoons.

It is neglect. It might be worth ringing her HV. Children have been taken into care for extreme versions of this.

As a side note, I really don’t like the idea of that plate. I don’t think food should ever be used as a reward. I think new foods should be gently introduced by repeatedly putting them alongside with existing food that they like and no pressure until they become the new norm.

Are people seriously suggesting informing social services on a friend because she feeds her kids two sausages for dinner and her son is "not huge, but chubbier than most 4 year olds."? Only on mumsnet.

Jean you seem quite dismissive of the importance of a balanced or healthy diet. Nobody thinks 2 sausages is outrageous but when the 4 year old demands sausage and chips as his “real dinner” and only eats high fat and processed food, no fruit or veg, then there’s something wrong. I’m not informing social services, but I do want to help and I am worried

Of course a healthy diet is important. And in an ideal world kids would also all go to bed at 7pm, never watch tv and have started Suzuki violin by 3.

I just feel like a thread saying that what your friend feeds her kids is "deplorable" and "neglectful" parenting is judgmental and hysterical. Moreover, they're not your kids and you have no real standing to involve yourself to this degree. Mumsnet is meant to be about making parent's lives easier, not castigating them.

JeanPagett who suggested the OP contacts SS? I can’t find anyone suggesting that.

You suggested contacting her Health Visitor because "children have been taken into care for extreme versions of this".