Three year old son gave nursery teacher black eye

[Wadingthroughshit]

Hi everyone.
Just that really. His behaviour at nursery is worse than it is at home, but nursery tell me that’s because more is expected of him there. I’m having a multi professional meeting on Tuesday on which balances my sons attendance at the nursery. He’s been there over two years. The director told me that this is the first time they are going to expel a child, that she has to take the health and safety of other children and staff into consideration.
I am distraught, I keep crying. I’ve just finished my masters and I have been very lucky to get a job in my field. I’ve only been there five weeks.
The director started off meeting yesterday telling me my son wasn’t to come in next week, that I ought to spend an intensive week with him. That changed when I suggested the meeting. I would have spent a week on unpaid leave still having to pay for nursery.
I don’t know what to do or say, I’m so upset for him that he feels such anger, and I’m
So ashamed of him.

You need to take him doctors, he might possibly have ADHD/autistic.

You say his behaviour is worse at nursery, but don't say what this behaviour is (hitting, biting etc), or what it's like at home.

I know your job is still new but getting to the bottom of why your son is so angry has to come first, although I don't believe you should be paying for nursery if they're asking him to leave.

Don't be ashamed of him. He's 3, and you're his mum. If he had a physical illness would you also be ashamed of him?
I really hope things improve for you.

He never bites at home, he does hit and kick his brother and I, but nothing out with normal range. He’s also extremely affectionate, talkative and social and loving. He’s a complete Jekyll and Hyde character.

Nursery I think he gets overwhelmed, and doesn’t want to conform. But I have taken him to the doctors to ask about ASD but she said absolutely not, nothing pathological about his behaviour. Although I’ve made a telephone appointment for today. His brother was never this bad. But, I’ve been incredibly unwell since around Christmas, and was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, so of course I blame myself.
His dad doesn’t seem to think there is a problem.

They keep telling me this is especially pressing and he will start school next year.

I feel so flat today, I almost don’t know how to act around him.

It may be the nursery. Our was ill behaved at nursery. At school he's been an angle. Apparently the nursery just wasn't a good fit.

What's the behaviour that nursery have witnessed that has made them expel him?

Also what usually leads to him hitting and kicking you and your other son, and how do you react / deal with this when it happens?

So you have just finished your masters, have started a new job, and have been unwell for most of the year . I wonder if your three year old is feeling that he hasn't been your priority for a third of his life

@Wadingthroughshit are you seriously telling him when he's hitting his brother ? His behavior seems way way out of control especially for his age I personally think you need to focus on him and not
You masters/job for the moment because this is only going to get seriously worse if you don't do something now. Take him doctors, seriously punish him for hitting and spend quality time with him. I've never heard of any child being expelled from nursery nor infant school tbh !

Tell him off **

He needs to be your main priority and focus which it seems like he currently isn't. No offense I don't mean to sound horrible btw but this must be really bad for the nursery wanting to remove him

Sorry this is a useless post but I’m incredulous. Do they really expel children from nursery?

@Eatmycheese he's hits the staff and giving them black eyes he's clearly a serious danger to other child I wouldn't want my child at nursery with a child that's out of control and very dangerous, there's young babies at nursery's. It must be bad to want to remove him

Sorry this is a useless post but I’m incredulous. Do they really expel children from nursery?

Very rarely, but yes. Nurseries need to think about the other children, staff and also the child in question. Sometimes a busy nursery setting is not the right place for a particular child. However, the behaviour must be pretty severe if this is the first time the nursery have had to do so.

Op you seem very relaxed about him kicking and hitting his brother ? It's not normal behavior

I’m not minimising what he did Albert I just have never heard of it

@Eatmycheese I know me too, but obviously they need to protect other children

Well I did the masters and got a job, just like everyone else has to, I have to work in order to provide for my children. I only work PT so two days My youngest and I always have days out, and he goes to an outdoor art class for a couple of hours. And being unwell, nobody wants that, nor can it be helped, it doesn’t discriminate.
I’m just juggling and trying my best, as we all are. I can’t stop working, my masters is a great achievement, and I can’t help being unwell. But of course I consent that this would have had an impact on him as all of this is stressful.
I’d only ever heard of this happening on the radio before.
His behaviour at home certainly isn’t out of control. And if you met him, you wouldn’t believe that he’d done that. That’s part of the reason I thought he may have ASD.
I’ve been working with the nursery and attending meetings every two weeks to discuss his behaviour, I’ve been open.
I am on my own with them too, and obviously that’s difficult, and feels sometimes as though we’re “too close”.
I don’t know why I posted really, I’m just distraught, I don’t know what to do or think, and I feel incredibly alone.

I’m not relaxed or minimising his behaviour at home...90% of the time they play together, sit and cuddle and kiss each other, and I do punish bad behaviour.

Sorry this is a useless post but I’m incredulous. Do they really expel children from nursery?

When their behaviour leads to seriously hurting other DC or staff members then yes!

As much as you have done your masters and are now working, it is a great achievement indeed but at the end of the day, your children comes first. You have a child that is hurting other people at nursery and that needs investigating. Yes, nursery can expel children for behaving that way as they have other children to think of!

Honestly if the nursery isn't working for him then you need to change it or get him a good child minder. The whole thing might not be a good fit. If there are problems somewhere else then you can get another perspective on it. And that's not excusing his behaviour -I have zero toleration of bad behaviour but I know my own DS was incredibly unhappy at one nursery and when I moved him it was a totally different experience.

Thanks for that Sally.
When I want to be spoken to and treated like I’m some sort of fuckwit then you’ll be on my list of go to people.

you have worked really hard and you must be feeling a lot of strain

imagine though, if you were in the same position you are now, juggling all the things, and your child started refusing nursery or school because another child was being violent to him, and this was not being addressed

what action would you expect nursery to take?

It is being investigated, I’ve pooled the meeting for next week with the health visitor, children and families worker, myself, his dad and my mum are attending.
I have been attending all the meetings, I have put myself forward for parenting classes, I make sure I spend quality time with both my children, I Punish them, I’ve taken my youngest to the doctors, I’ve booked another appointment over the phone with GP today. There is only so much one human can do. I know my children are a priority, and of course they are, absolutely my priority, this is regardless of working or educating myself. I did all that work to pull us out of relative poverty. None of that means I’m not a mother also.
I just don’t know what else to do.

I’m not going against the nurseries decision !! I’m not fighting anyone on this, not do I excuse his behaviour at all. The nursery are aware he is definitely worse behaved with them. He’s not like this all of the time obviously, as I said he’s very social, he had a lot of friends. Yesterday he came
To me after I’d had the meeting and said “I have no one to play with, nobody wants to be my friend” and I know it’s partly his own doing, but he’s three, and that broke my heart.
I might just take him out, and try another, smaller nursery and see how he gets on. I don’t know if there’s anymore I can do.