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Original poster

6 year old causing havoc with neighbours

167 replies

Amiemac · 24/09/2018 18:32

I’m literally at my wits end! We live in a street I grew up in as a child. It was a great neighbour hood, now since my kids have been in it the neighbours are so easily annoyed. Don’t get me wrong my 6 year old is no angel but I seem to be getting knocks at my door constantly over him. It just puts my anxiety levels up and makes me feel really low. A few months ago he threw a few stones into one of their gardens and the man came up and was extremely rude about it and approached me in a horrible manner, fast forward to yesterday my next door neighbour came out complaining about a football that hit her window. I’ve spoke to my son about this and have even went as far as to ground him for the week, I just feel as though either I’m doing a bad job parenting or my neighbours hate me. I’ve had a rough year with a miscarriage and mental health issues and my neighbours are very aware of this, I just don’t know what to do. Shock

OP posts:
colditz · 24/09/2018 20:19

Amiemac, every single reply you give is further insight into your child's behaviour.

EK36 · 24/09/2018 20:19

Maybe swap his football for a sponge ball? He still needs to play in his garden. Tell him if the neighbour complains just to shout "sorry" and carry on. I sorry for you as some comments on here have been really harsh.

Rhiannon13 · 24/09/2018 20:20

@Amiemac. You're being unreasonable because you're not taking your neighbour's concerns or your child's needs seriously. Are you saying you think they should just shut up and put up with your son's behaviour? You asked for advice and that's what you're getting, so sorry it's not the 'Aw Hun, poor you for having such nasty neighbours' that you were expecting!

Tobl20 · 24/09/2018 20:22

It’s worrying how many people say that a 6 year old is too young to play in the garden. Mine are 6 and 3 and both play in the garden weather permitting. They have balls, a swing and a den, and my neighbours wouldn’t bat an eyelid if a ball came over the hedge. If a stone came over they’d tell them not to throw stones (and if I saw it they’d be told off) but it’s only happened once since he was born so not exactly an issue in your case. My daughter goes to the park unsupervised. (Recently started to allow her to) It’s literally across the road and I can see her if I open the front door. Children need to play unsupervised and they won’t learn or develop properly if an adult is constantly hovering over them ready to nitpick over everything they do. Please don’t be tempted to keep him indoors constantly because of a few comments from helicopter parents. It’s not healthy.

Original poster
Amiemac · 24/09/2018 20:22

Right everyone thank you for all your opinions and advice Smile could somebody please tell me how to delete this thread or just delete my account instead, I just joined tonight but don’t feel this is the place for me- thanks again

OP posts:
colditz · 24/09/2018 20:24

You can't delete the thread, it belongs to Mumsnet. Just a heads up though, they do like to let the Daily Mail pull things off here to print. If you email MNHQ, they may pull it out of courtesy - but they don't have to

mypointofview · 24/09/2018 20:26

You can hide it (see top of the thread). Or log and don't return. I wouldn't blame you.

GertrudeCB · 24/09/2018 20:27

New poster? What a surprise Hmm

mummy2three2014 · 24/09/2018 20:30

Amiemac, really sorry to hear that your having a tough time just now! I feel your pain I have a just turned 7 year old who is hard work at times but I honestly think people are lying if they say their kids never kicks off or has never been let out in the garden alone, let's be fair he's a 6 year old boy who's testing your patience and your neighbours, your trying your best, you've grounded him. Appologise to your neighbour and tell them you have grounded him, explain to them that you are trying to make him see that he can't go around doing these things. I'm only saying this because I am in the same position but I didn't find grounding my son worked at all, I think he was just to young to even understand that iykwim. I removed the controller's for the Xbox or the tablets things that he really enjoys. I'm still battling through and if you need to chat feel free to contact me, it's tough when your little one is testing your patience especially when your not feeling on top of the world yourself big hugs and keep your chin up!

Tobl20 · 24/09/2018 20:30

Hope the daily mail does use it to highlight the reasons why kids don’t play out side anymore and are all obese.

Amaried · 24/09/2018 20:33

I think that if multiple neighbors are
Complaining about your son, than you need to do something.
Do you have a back garden.he could play in instead.
These people must be quiet frustrated if they are knocking .

MadameButterface · 24/09/2018 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ThanosSavedMe · 24/09/2018 20:41

Wow. Who said keep him indoors? Many people suggested clubs or the park. Some gardens are are suitable for kicking a football in, others aren’t. In our last place it would have caused problems for us and our neighbours if the kids played ball. In this house, no problem, the garden is big enough and suitable for ball games. We we have balls coming into our garden, no problem, I throw them back over but if one hit a window or the child threw stones I would not be happy at all.

Tobl20 · 24/09/2018 21:24

Is it funny? And why why would the OPs supporters be a minority? Surely everyone is supporting the OP as it’s a thread asking for support and advice?

Tobl20 · 24/09/2018 21:26

That’s true that some gardens aren’t big enough but we can only assume that the OPs garden is big enough as she allows him to play with a football in it.

OhFlipMama · 24/09/2018 21:29

I know it's your garden so it feels safe and secure, but is it really? I don't let my child of similar age out in the front garden on his own and we live somewhere super quiet where everyone knows everyone else. I just can't do it. They play in the back garden which is very secure and I can see them clearly.

I kindly suggest stopping him playing in the front, if you have a back garden use that or venture to a park together.

Rebecca36 · 24/09/2018 21:58

Amiemac, don't let this thread put you off Mumsnet. I'm sorry you are in such distress. What OhFlipMama says above is very sensible:- "I kindly suggest stopping him playing in the front, if you have a back garden use that or venture to a park together." Or with one of your older children. There are many people who just do not like to see children playing at the front of their houses, even in front garden. I must say I haven't seen that where I live, it would seem odd to me. Back garden is better and if you have low fences, either make them higher or get new ones if you can afford. Good fences make good neighbours!

Loustu · 24/09/2018 22:10

I really find this thread appalling. This lady came on looking advice for her six year old, if she was such a bad parent she wouldn’t have bothered.some of the comments are rather distasteful and to be honest she was like a lamb to the slaughter. None of us have the perfect children, they’ve all done something naughty at one point I’m sure. I have a 5 year old and understand how frustrating it can be. Wow this is shocking.

ThanosSavedMe · 24/09/2018 22:47

And she was given advice. Supervise her child and maybe take him to the park and or clubs. She said that she seemed to have knocks constantly at her door which suggests more then the 2 incidents she wrote about. She took no responsibility for the fact that her child was (in her words) causing havoc whilst unsupervised. She he wrote about living in a terraced street where it’s easy for balls to hit windows. Simple fix. Don’t let you child kick a ball around at home, take them to the park. No no one has said that parenting is easy, none of us are perfect parents and none of us have perfect children.but if my neighbours had to tell me about my child throwing stones or hitting a window with a ball I would make sure that they they didn’t do it again. I would also take my child around to apologise and make them clean up any mess. I would not blame it on unfriendly neighbours and then have a go at anyone who disagreed with me.

SoupDragon · 24/09/2018 22:48

This lady came on looking advice for her six year old and ignored or dismissed it.

Loustu · 24/09/2018 23:22

@thanossavedme when did she once say she blamed it on unfriendly neighbours? She didn’t. I read through her comments in fact she wrote she wasn’t saying it was the neighbours fault or that her child was an angel.sorry you feel so strongly about this post as quite a few of the comments came from you. @soupdragon I’m pretty sure she must of took some of the advice given, just not the distasteful bullying ones from ie perfect parents. Some will stick to the advice that was given, others will find it shocking. I’m sorry I wouldn’t like to be in this poor ladies shoes. She was hounded of this thread. There’s giving advice then there’s telling someone there a shitty parent and so is their kid. Plus if you see page one there’s quite a few unsupervised, keep him in comments without the park and club etc etc

IWouldLikeToKnow · 25/09/2018 01:19

Most posters on this thread have offered one of two pieces of advise. Play in the back garden or supervise him. Firstly, I would have thought there would be equal opportunity for annoying the neighbours in the back as it is a terraced house. You can be standing right with your six yr old but this won't stop him accidentally kicking a ball towards the neighbour's house so I don't see how that helps.

Devilishpyjamas · 25/09/2018 04:53

Well back gardens tend to be more secure with higher fences, which was why I suggested it, if it’s as open as the front then he needs supervising there as well. My 19 year olds needs constant supervision (severely disabled) and I would leave him alone in the back garden now he’s stopped climbing 8 foot fences. I wouldn’t leave him alone at all in the front garden. If my back garden wasn’t contained I wouldn’t leave him there either. The point is lots of complaints from the neighbours means this kid needs more supervision if he’s in the front garden. Maybe the back is a place he could be unsupervised, maybe it’s not. If it isn’t then he needs supervising all the time for now.

SoupDragon · 25/09/2018 07:34

soupdragon I’m pretty sure she must of took some of the advice given Nope she defensively rebuffed suggestions that she should supervise her DS

SoupDragon · 25/09/2018 07:39

when did she once say she blamed it on unfriendly neighbours?. All these imply unfriendly neighbours, no matter what changes were made later. ”It was a great neighbour hood, now since my kids have been in it the neighbours are so easily annoyed.” “the man came up and was extremely rude about it and approached me in a horrible manner” “and my neighbours are very aware of this”