So, serious question, at what age is it OK to leave a child in the car alone while you go shopping?

[ViciousSquirrelSpotter]

DS hates hates hates shopping, with a passion. Every single time we go shopping, he wants to stay in the car and read his book. And I refuse, and he argues that he's eight, but I argue that he's out of sight, I can't see him and I don't know exactly how long I'll be, so he has to come with me.

So, when should I agree? At what age would I not be considered an irresponsible neglectful parent?

I am just not happy about leaving him at the moment. Not for any rational reason at all. He's not irresponsible, he's not going to release the hand-brake, he'll stay in the car and read and not be lonely or scared. I think that part of responsible parenting is about swallowing your fear and allowing your children independence and I don't feel able to do that. Partly because I'm slightly neurotic and partly because I fear that I'll be condemned by the string 'em high brigade for being lazy and irresponsible. For me, leaving my child would not be lazy and irresponsible parenting, on the contrary I'm slightly uneasy that I'm being lazy about insisting he comes with me (it saves me from being anxious about him all the way round the aisles), it would be a terrifying leap of faith which I am dreading doing but know I must at some point if I'm not going to be a neurotic loon.

So what does the mumsnet jury think? What age? And how long for?

VSS - I think 8 is fine. Obviously it depends on the child but he's wants to do it and I'm sure he'll be fine. Just do it for a short time to start with - to give you some confidence

I don't the 'nevers' either. At 11 they are thrown into the big wide world of secondary school.They need to learn some independence and how to cope in different situations before then.

No not just you gs.

I'm getting so irritated by being told to do online shopping. It is bloody expensive, FGS, otherwise of course we'd all do it all the time.

Well this is the problem though Saggar. On the one hand I think that at 11, he's actually going to have to go on a bus or train by himself to school. And yet is he never to have been allowed to stay at home by himself or in a car? What is more dangerous? Why is one normal life and the other irresponsible parenting?

I save money when I do an online shop.

But that is only because I am weak willed, and buy all sorts of crap I don't need if I go in the shop.

Note to self, start online shopping again

If I let my 9 yr old stay in the car, my 4 yr old would want to stay too. There is no way I would let my 4 yr old stay in the car so, unfortunately that means my 9 yr old has to shop with us. Once he starts senior school, however, I will consider him responsible enough to leave at home if he wishes.

LOL.

I am ruthless. Just go in the fruit, fish, meat, bread and milk aisles. Nowhere else except when I need to buy extras like mustard, washing powder etc. One day I stumbled into a frozen pizza aisle by mistake, it was heaven.

at frozen Pizza heaven

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Is online shopping much more expensive than doing it yourself? Not in my experience - although I suppose it depends on how close to the shops you live and therefore what your own costs would be for getting there. Am interested.
I think the longer a thread gets, and therefore the more posts there are since the OP, the easier it is to forget exactly what the OP has said. Also remember that posts cross. Just because there are 6 or 7 mins between posts doesn't mean they didn't.

But do you get them to stay by themselves before they go to secondary school, so that they can handle that, or do you let them do it afterwards because having negotiated the school journey to and from school, they are now savvy enough to do it?

I actually think it's responsible parenting to leave them squirrel. It's our duty to give them the skills.

I've said before on MN that I think the first couple of years at secondary are the most risky in their lives. All that freedom - it's a steep learning curve if the walk/bus to school in Yr7 is the first time you've been out of sight of mum or dad.

Personnly never, they either come around the shops with me or they stay at home with dh or my mum.

I don't have a car durin g the week so i do all our shopping either online or dd stays with dh.

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I am impressed by your omelette-cooker. How old is he?

I can remember being allowed to make myself a cup of tea (fill kettle, boil it and carefully pour over teabag) at the age of 7

We know our own children, and we all make decisions based on our own experiences.

There are risks with everything and we all do our best to minimise those risks, but if we don't allow children a little freedom, and build up from there, they are not properly prepared when they have to deal with things.

How you decide on when to allow the freedom is a quagmire, and what's right for some parents is not right for others.

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I think that instilling a sense of risk and responsibility in children is a really important part of being a parent, even though it can feel really uncomfortable for me.

But there is just something about leaving them in a car that gives me more discomfort than i am willing to bear. I know it is unlikely that the car will blow up, get stolen (biggest fear), roll away, be crashed into, but i am unwilling to take that risk.

Better to encourage them to help with the shopping - they are part of the family after all.

"god my kdi na cook an omletet
eh can sit in a car fgs"

For me its more about protection. Yes, he can sit in the car but is he safe from abductors / car thieves?? How would you feel if someone stole your car with your child inside? Do you think he will be safe joyriding down the rode at stupid-miles-per-hour?

Oh, and before you say "who's going to steal a car with a child inside?" it happens. They talk to the child and get them on side, so that your child lets them in. That's assuming, of course, that you locked the door in the first place. I know because I have a friend that this happened to. Two hours later her car was found minus her child. She was frantic, but luckily he was safe - they had made him get out and find his own way home. Is your child ready for an experience like this?

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I hate online shopping. I need to be in teh store to be reminded of what I might want and need. Also with online shopping I always buy the wrong sizes (enough potatoes for a famine, sample size shampoo) and they substitute the exact item you most needed. My forays into internet supermarket shopping have always been disastrous. Plus it takes FOREVER and you can guarantee I'll press the wrong button and delete the whole order with just one item to go. Hate it.

Yes, it does happen, but it is still so very rare.

We'd never have children at all if we stopped to think about everything that has ever happened to any child.