So, serious question, at what age is it OK to leave a child in the car alone while you go shopping?

[ViciousSquirrelSpotter]

DS hates hates hates shopping, with a passion. Every single time we go shopping, he wants to stay in the car and read his book. And I refuse, and he argues that he's eight, but I argue that he's out of sight, I can't see him and I don't know exactly how long I'll be, so he has to come with me.

So, when should I agree? At what age would I not be considered an irresponsible neglectful parent?

I am just not happy about leaving him at the moment. Not for any rational reason at all. He's not irresponsible, he's not going to release the hand-brake, he'll stay in the car and read and not be lonely or scared. I think that part of responsible parenting is about swallowing your fear and allowing your children independence and I don't feel able to do that. Partly because I'm slightly neurotic and partly because I fear that I'll be condemned by the string 'em high brigade for being lazy and irresponsible. For me, leaving my child would not be lazy and irresponsible parenting, on the contrary I'm slightly uneasy that I'm being lazy about insisting he comes with me (it saves me from being anxious about him all the way round the aisles), it would be a terrifying leap of faith which I am dreading doing but know I must at some point if I'm not going to be a neurotic loon.

So what does the mumsnet jury think? What age? And how long for?

It doesn't really just depend on the child, does it though. It also depends on the parent and how anxious they are.

I think my DS is perfectly capable of being left in the car by himself and probably has been for the last year. I just don't want to do it though, because of my own selfish anxiety.

As I said at the beginning, I do think a part of parenting is taking a deep breath and allowing your children to take risks, and my DS is ready for us to take this one. But I'm not.

If I am just pooping in to get apaper or something, then i leave my 5 year old but I can see the car from the shop and it literally on for 1 or 2 minutes. I always ask him if he wants to stay in the car and I wouldn't do it if he was unhappy obviously.

Wouldn't do it with younger children nor if they were asleep. It worries me that they would wake up and I wasn't there.

just pooping in?

popping obviously

My DS1 is 8 and I would leave him for a short while (I would leave both DS1 and DS2, aged 5 whilst nipping into Aldi for a min as I can see them through the window). I would not leave DS1 for as long as an hour because he is a very mechanically minded child and I would not put it past him to either release the handbrake or have a small screwdriver in his pocket and start taking the dashboard apart. With DS1 I would rather give him a couple of quid and get him to sit in the cafe whilst I went round for the shopping at least then I would know the car would be in one piece.

I've thought of allowing him to sit in the cafe, but am in two minds as to whether that's safer or more dangerous than the car. On the one hand, it feels safer because he is nearer. OTOH, there is more of an opportunity for mad axemen to approach him and abduct him than in a car unnoticed...

I wouldn't leave my 7 (nearly 8) yo.
My 12 I would.
But I WOULD leave them together , or they will have a drink in cafe for a loNger shop. I think eldest was 10 when he went out to play on own. so I guess that is the age I would consider to leave on own.

don't understand why you'd bring your kids shopping if you were going to leave them in the car - shop on line, leave them with someone - do it when they're at school. or something else

Oh dear hana let me help you to understand why some people take reluctant children shopping: they work in the daytime, they are lone parents, online shopping is much more expensive than the supermarket and if they presumed upon their friendships to the extent of asking the 2 local sets of friends they know well enough to babysit every time they needed to shop, they would very soon not have those friends. A combination of those factors is why most people take children shopping - most of us would prefer not to given the choice.

But in any case, the discussion is not about me wanting to leave my child in the car, it's about a child wanting to be left in the car and at what age it is appropriate to agree to that.

I'm wondering if it the equivalent of leaving a child at home alone, and basically saying that at the age you would be willing to do that, that is the age you would leave a kid in the car. Is that paranoid parenting or is that reasonable?

Generally I do shop online, or send DH, or go whilst the boys are at some activity or other.

Sometimes though, I need to collect a few bits.

I work when the lads are at school, DH sometimes working silly hours (often), Grandad may not be available, no activities, etc etc, and sometimes I just need to get those few items.

Yes, I could drag him/them around the shops, and have them whinging their heads off (and I have done when they were younger) or I could leave them in the car reading.

Of course, sometimes, they want to come into the supermarket with me.

I wouldn't take them if they didn't want to go at 8, leave them at home with someone else or do an online shop. I wouldn't leave them in the car on their own.

Never. It's a horrible mean thing to do IMO. If you don't want to let them out of the car, make other arrangements for them when you're shopping. Otherwise, bite the bullet and treat them like human beings.

agree with kerrymum- I would not be comfy leaving them in the car unless they were able to stay at home on their own

Hmm, just realised OP's son wants to be left in the car. I still wouldn't I'm afraid.

in answer to the OP, I think it depends..

on the child, their age, how responsible they are, how confident they are, on where you live ( huge city or rural area) , how long you will be, how far away the car is parked, how big the shop is, the time of day, the weather etc ect ect

Personally, I wouldn't leave them in the car until I felt they were old enough to deal with any eventuality that might come their way. You can never be entirely certain how long you will be (you can't tell how long the queues are until you get there) so you can't really judge what the realistic eventualities would be. How would you expect your child to deal with a) being driven into by another car b) suddenly being desperate for a pee c) suddenly worrying because you had taken much longer than he originally thought. If he decided he had to come and find you (for whatever reason) how easy / safe would it be for him to cross the car park and then to find you within the store.
I don't think there is an age where it's "ok" to leave them. I think it depends on the situation and on your child. I think that every instance has to be judged on its own merits. Of course age is a factor but there are many other factors too.

I am interested in how sure and confident some parents are. Some say with confidence 7 or 8 or whatever. Tell me how are you so sure?

Is it me but I agonise over things like this and honestly have not got a clue. DS is 7 and to my mind still a loon at times. He often goes into a spin and seems totally unaware of his surroundings. So I can say with a fair degree of certainty not DS but other than that have no clue.

A friend told me of a 3 yr old she know who is always playing outside on his own and takes himself to the park apparently across roads and everything.

Some of you really don't read posts properly, do you.

Was that a reference to me? I think I acknowledged my mistake, didn't I?

My two are 10 and 7.

If I'm doing a 'full' shop, they come in with me and look at the comics, while I dash round.

If it is a pint of milk and loaf of bread job I leave them in the car.

Message withdrawn

btw, they also ask to be left in the car