"No! STOP!! Take your hands off the door handle! DO NOT COME IN! I am ALLOWED to go to the toilet ON MY OWN!!" I

[ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands]

"... read it in parenting book!"

I didn't.. I made it up. But if it isn't in a parenting book, it should be!

This is what I have taken to roaring at my kids each time they I sit down for a wee and, like magic, one (or more) of them comes bombing up the stairs with the intention of hurling themselves into the bathroom to do any/all of the following: a. Tell me what one of the others did/said to them b. request food/drink c. bring me the ringing phone d. use the toilet themselves (even though there is one downstairs but-there-was-a-spider-in-there-a year-and-half-ago-so-they-can't-go-in-there)

It has worked every time so far, in the last week! They have halted at the door and not barged in! I don't know if they think the Toilet Guards will arrive and instantly arrest them or what.

It just suddenly occured to me a couple of weeks ago as I sat there is mid-wee, with my knickers and jeans round my ankles, observing not only 8 yr old DD's mud and tear streaked face which was square with outrage as she spouted a tale of woe about DS1 (14) drinking her juice.. but also his outraged face as he followed her into the bathroom, in order to defend himself and tell me the "correct" sequence of events.

I just thought FFS! This has to stop!! I am going to the toilet for heaven's sake! I CAN do that on my own! These things can WAIT!!!

I may create a stash of Nice Things To Do While I Sit There.. seeing as I seem to have found some sanctuary.

Mine like to leave toilet and living room door open so that they can chat with who-ever is out there...
I still get "Is it clean?" all too frequently as well.

I have a cd available

Yes, it is just so so easy to stop children doing anything we don't want after the 18 month stage. Parenting is so easy after 18 months, I find. Rarely ignore 'the rules'.

Actually my dd (6.5) asks me to go out of the bathroom now when she is poo-ing ! So she can have no argument with me asking her to leave ! I always lock the door - always and when she is really being a PITA I take a mag too !

Ha! Shit faster?? Shit at all would be nice! I have child-induced-constipation too! We are talking just WEEING here!

My bowels are programmed to only work after the morning school run.. if at all.

I bath when the little ones are in bed. But the nearly fifteen year old usually barges in on the way to bed, or just to tell me something (as stated in the "naked" thread). He is semi-offended by my "gross" nakedness.. but not enough to wait for me to get out it seems!

Lock the door.

Or learn to wee standing up. Because it is the act of sitting down that makes you vulnerable. If you sit down you are fair game.

Actually DD still doesn't use the downstairs toilet because of spiders - and she's 17.

Although she will spend ages in there adjusting her make up before she goes to college - apparently spiders will only attack if she closes the door.......

LOL OrmIrian. There you go Can'tSleep.. pee standing up, then DD will have less chance or "dragging down a nork".. (one would hope.. .. for the sake of your figure!!)

Perhaps we need one of the peeing devices for female campers that I read about on another thread the other week... .. its name escapes me!

Perhaps spiders only attack when you drop your knickers?

My dd comes into the loo with me sometimes, which i dont mind as we have just finished toilet training. if i locked the door, she would just want to come in even more, and i would have to indure her screaming whislt i, eer went. and sometimes it takes a couple of minutes, so have horrible image of me giving up and waddling to the door to open it

what i DO have a problem with is dp having a poo, or needing one as soon as i get in the bath {angry}

shewee, shiny ! That was what they were called I think. Had a loud drunken conversation about them at our BBQ on saturday. Neighbours know all about them now .

This is funny

My DD asks you what you are doing (wee? poo?) and likes to have a look. I'm hoping she'll get bored of it soon.

Having Bad Mother Moment

My dd has fallen asleep on floor, i just thought she was watching TV, and what am i doing?? writing about Poo on the computer.
she must have been asleep for at least 10 minutes!
the even more annoying thing, is that i have just realised that instead of taking her up to bed and then writing this post, ive written this post, and i will be now taking her up to bed

Eurrrghh to having a look GlassSlipper!
You've just reminded me of the other thing that dd likes to do though. She'll shred up a piece of toilet paper, and then thrust shreds randomly towards my fanjo! I'm sure she thinks she's helping .

I haven't laughed this much all weekend!
THANK YOU

Charlotte, there is Nothing Wrong with allowing your child to be alseep on the floor which you post on Mumsnet!! Are you new to parenting or Mumsnet?? You need only become concerned and report yourself to social services when you realise it's 4pm, you have been posting on MN all day and she is still in her cot from the night before..

Or you are posting on MN and she is in the kitchen eating from the cat's bowl as she is so hungry..

There are many more Relevant Scenarios.. but yours is not one of them!

You show the signs of developing into a Mother Who Will Always Wee With An Audience..! (Like I was until v.recently! )

Can'tSleep PMSL @ your DD's random sacrificial fanjo offerings..

shphh lol!!!

note how quickly dumped her upstairs to resume 'housework' a.k.a mn!

i can sympathise with cantsleep. my ds is always trying to get into my shirt when i'm on the loo.
worse though is when dh is home and i think i can finally have a pee in peace. wrong!
the door is locked and i can hear him calling me every flipping time!
girrrlllll. oh girrrllll.
to which i always reply in my sweetest voice

"I'M FUCKING PEEING.LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"

Ha ha my dp says to dog and dd when i go to the loo

"wheres mummy, go and find her"

and the toddle of paws and feet follow me everywhere.....

he thinks it hilarious

I sometimes take dd in with me (if it's a wee), and she tries to look between the seat and the toilet and watch, or, more amusingly behind me.
Fat chance!

Funnily enough DD and the mutts never follow DH to the dunnie - must have something to do with the pungent aroma he leaves there

I however enter the loo - close door and advise 2 and 4 legged friends to shut up whineing and howling I'll only be a minute ....

Do they think that once I enter I'll never been seen again - I'll slip out through some hitherto unseen and unknown portal to go and drink gin and generally lark around with a couple of ferengi and a vulcan???

PMSL YeahInAMinute.. be carefult to touch the Ferenhui's ears.. you don't want that much excitement even if you are on Unauthorised Loo Leave..

(*careful NOT to...)

Actually I wish there was some magic portal ......