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Daughter is a laughing stock

104 replies

upset70 · 02/06/2007 20:58

I feel like my DD is a laughing stock, it goes back to when she was very first born, she has always been chubby and when she started walking/crawling she was clumsy (as all babies are) and the family used to joke that she was like a bulldozer and would say things like "hide all the ornaments if emily is coming around..". I thought maybe I was just being paranoid but it seems to have followed her around as shes grown up.

When she started nursery the other kids used to ask their mums why she "had a fat belly" and why she "looked like that" and their parents would always brush their comments off with an embarrassed smile. When she started reception the other kids would roll their eyes whenever they saw her coming, they would call her dopey and say things like "stay away from me today I dont want my pictures ruined" etc. She has always been quite forgetful and the one time one of the girls in her class had a party and told my daughter that she couldnt go as she'd forget the date and then the other girls started laughing at her saying she'd forget were she was going half way there etc.

She's now 11 and this attitude towards her has continued all through her life, the teachers say things to me like "she's a dreamer" and "she's in her own little world" but the other kids are more nasty saying she's "gormless" and docile. We were in town a few weeks ago and she saw one of the boys from her class and as he walked past her she did that "duh" face (where they stick their tongue in their bottom lip) and shouted "duh" really loud in her face, all his mates burst out laughing and he said "its ok, she'll forget about it by monday"

When she started her secondry school last september the 2nd day there they had a pe lesson where my DD ended up falling over in front of the entire year group, this totally wrecked any hope she had for making friends at this school and they all keep going on about it to her "show us how you fell over" every 5 minutes etc

Today was the straw that broke the camels back really, she had been invited to a party by one of the kinder girls in her class, turns out she only invited her because her mum felt sorry for my DD anyway somewhere over the past few weeks my DD had heard it was a fancy dress so we went all over yesterday to get her a costume, we got her an "elizibeth swan" costume and she went in it all proud today only to realise when she got there that it wasnt fancy dress at all, one of the bitchy little brats had told her it was for a laugh. She was the only one dressed up, the "kind girl" just looked confused and looked at her mum as if to say "what do I say?", my DD was obviously mortified, the rest of the girls were in hysterics and even the parents were giggling among themselves.

I just feel so sorry for her, is life always going to be like this for her? she tries to laugh along with them but she's hurting.

OP posts:
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flightattendant · 05/06/2007 09:01

Just seen this thread. It made me very sad for this poor little girl.
There was a boy at our primary school like this, he came there as a new boy when we were about 11, so just for the last year.

I don't know why, but he was suddenly the target of everyone's hatred. He wasn't strange, ugly, stupid...anything at all really, but somehow the kids all turned against him.

The bullying got horrendous. People started to say that things he touched were contaminated, the boys and the girls were all awful to him and he had no friends.

I am totally ashamed to say it but that sort of set up is almost 'contagious' - I was usually the one without many friends, and happy to hang around with the less popular kids (even standing up for them sometimes, despite being laughed at) but this time I felt pulled into it and found myself occasionally avoiding him too, or not wanting him to borrow my pens etc. even though I knew I wouldn't 'catch something' - the prevailing attitude was so pervasive. I believe he ws a target for all their own insecurities...the other boys, I mean.

I have never forgotten it, it went on for ages and I don't remember anything being done to stop it. Poor lad went on to be a fairly quiet, consistent, and eventually, I hope, happy person by the time he left secondary school. But I always want to apologise to him, go back and make it right.

I hate to hear of another child going through this sort of multi-level bullying and wish I had some idea of what to suggest.

So, so sorry for her xx

hk78 · 05/06/2007 20:58

sorry havent had time to read all the thread, just to say my dd1 has had similar problems to the op dd, just to offer sympathy/empathy. some people are just evil, and that's the kids and adults.

she is so much better than them, if you can just concentrate on getting her through the next few years, life does then get better and open up, we can all remember when you leave school.

all the best xx

filthymindedvixen · 05/06/2007 21:10

I don't want to not post anything, but at this stage everyone has already given some fab advice. My son is just finding his 'niche' in the world so I empathise. Huge hugs to your lovely dd. Let us know how you all get on?

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margoandjerry · 05/06/2007 21:22

Whatever use Upset makes of this thread, I find the thoughts on here really lovely. What's clear is that there are loads of children who don't quite fit in and school can be torture.

I wasn't bullied at school but I never quite understood why - always thought I would be next as I was a large child and was also a prize swot and not much has changed .

I so wish I could persuade all the little girls going through this now that the school princesses will not be the happiest and most successful after school. In fact I think being a bit out of it at school is a prerequisite to a happy later life - learning not to care about idiots and making your own way life according to your own individuality is essential for a happy adult life. Awful that children have to go through such torments though.

And Alycat

Bet both your girls are lovely.

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