Parents of older children/teens/young adults...

[LumiereLennie]

I’m feeling weepy and hormonal that DS is going to be six in September and is growing up and away from me... Trying to explain to a lovely but highly pragmatic DH that I will miss all his little boyisms as he grows and that he will want/need me less.

DH’s view is that these will be replaced with nice ‘older’ things IYSWIM so I won’t miss them so much, but I can’t really think what those might be. So, what alternatives will I have for cuddles on my knee when he’s sad/tired, or him singing my little songs he’s made up? Cheer me up that it won’t just all be grunts and girlfriends...

Reaching things down from a high place for you.

Driving you to the pub and collecting you afterwards.

Patting you on the head calling you 'little Mum' and pointing out that your roots need doing.

Cooking a meal for you/making mugs of tea/doing the cat trays/ dealing with the dishwasher.

I still get cuddles, and phone calls. He sends me Youtube clips and things he's written for me to read. He has been known to pay for a tea for me in Costa as well.

He will be 23 in the autumn.

Me and my 13 and 11 year olds have a great laugh together. They are growing into brilliant people with crazy senses of humour. Plus we can go out and do more things easier and I can leave them home alone for a few hours to go to the gym or shopping. It's great honestly :)

Whipping up a pretty decent tea including pineapple upside down cake from the dog eared badly stapled Food Tech recipe booklet from yr 7. Yum.

Yeah shit Sorry

But they become able to have a rational conversation, a meal out is a pleasure and they have interesting things to say...

Having grown up conversations about the world and hearing them give a sensible and thoughtful opinion is just fab. It shows you that you've done your job properly and created responsible and tolerant adults.
Also having more 'grown up' jokes to share rather than just smiling inanely at some 'joke' that they have made up. Small kids just don't get the joke thing!
The cute things they do are still there. They are on all the little vidoes we took over the years. They are nice to look back at and remember but im glad to be with the good company I have now.
The girlfriend thing is quite a revelation too. A chatty girl makes quite a nice addition to our mostly male household. 😊

Thanks folks. My eyes have slowed their leaking somewhat. Stupid hormones.

Good call on the girlfriend thing. That would be nice. refusing to turn into my slightly batty MIL

Playing board games that I actually want to play. Sharing post watershed telly programmes. Discussing politics or current affairs. Coming home and the dinner is almost ready. Having book recommendations - and loving their choices. Enjoying a dry, sarcastic sense of humour. Being texted with the sign off 'love you'. Having my hair expertly dyed and my makeup expertly applied. Being given advice I want to follow on what to wear. Volunteering together on the children's team at church. Going out for a pint together. Competing to answer questions on Only Connect or University Challenge.

I'm loving the teenage stage!

Watching him interact with his mates , becoming more and more independent every day.

As someone else said, having another " adult" in the house. I love sitting and watching films and comedy shows with DS

It's weird , but everyday watching them moving further and further away from you whilst you get prouder

DS is 14, but quite a grown up one! I'm hoping we don't hit too many blips along the way!!

My dd is 17 and it's just been the 2 of us for 15 years. I'm facing the empty best in next few years and honestly dreading it!

To answer your query - I actually found 6/7/8 to be the worst years.

As they get older you get to see them really develop their personality ESPECIALLY their sense of humour, but that said dd and I have an 'in joke' from when she was 3 that is still guaranteed to crack her up with a hint of a reference from me - some things from their earlier years stay along with you both.

But... Yes we've developed more in jokes, habits peculiar to us, favourite mad meals, films, books, tv shows & music (get to fool yourself you're 'cool' again cos you know what's no 1 - at least until you get the perfect eye roll) , what I really love are our debates! I'm very politically engaged and have raised dd to be the same, that the news & current affairs are important, as is history and to not blithely accept doctrine or authority - yep walked into that one!

So while initially she seemingly held the same opinions as me as she's grown and had her own experiences she's developed new ones, disagreed with me and even on occasion persuaded me to change mine.

But yes, conversation generally becomes much more interesting.

There's SO much more you can do with them when they get older, because they develop longer attention spans, better physical ability & confidence, more patience, more willing to try things that they previously saw as 'grown up and boring'.

They can help more and you need to do less of the annoying stuff for them - child labour - bring it on

You can find a camaraderie in cooking together but also in how hard it is to change the bloody bed!

Tips & tricks that would not impress other adults inspire awe in your learning it for the first time teen. (In other words you get to show off a bit)

Not having to play snap for the 100th time! Or I spy where they've had you guessing for 2 hours getting it 'wrong' because they said the wrong initial! Being able instead to play really good games with them including introducing them to your favourites - dd LOVES game of life and scrabble.

Trust us - the best is yet to come!

Argh - empty nest.

My 6'3", 20-year-old still sits on my lap, and he is so kind and considerate. His girlfriend is lovely, always brings me little presents of food she thinks I will like, laughs at my jokes, and loves my cooking.
They are lovely.

They don't need or want the cuddles so much (some do, but most don't. Mine doesn't) but they really need you emotionally still. They still look for you to solve their problems.

They appreciate some things more (they still take you for granted though).

You feel so super proud of the person they're becoming.

It's fine. I promise! (my DD can be vile as well, though. As they all can).

When they share their intense interest in artillery of WW2 with you, and also their immense love for LOTR and their fascination with some very arcane thing they studied in university that term, related over the course of a 2.5 hour trip home together, and when do little 'taking care of mother' things like buying you an Ove Glove for Christmas one year and a knife whetting stone and special stone oil kit the next, followed by a power drill, and an emergency kit for the car, and four bottles of wine for your birthday. I am equipped for pretty much any eventuality now. Thank you DS.

Also thank you to DS and his friends for helping us move after selling the house. DS and five friends lifted heavy boxes and mattresses and furniture into the truck drove it to our flat, lifted it up two flights of stairs and around some very tight corners over the course of two long days. We couldn't have moved without them.

I really loved the teen years and the early 20s are great too. One is still a teen and it's been so nice to see her blossom.

My 11yo ds still likes his hugs and cuddles on my knee.

Things I like about them being older:

Being able to go out without sorting baby sitters
Going to places we both/all have an interest in and having conversations about them.
Adult conversation
Them cooking dinner
Dd1 has just passed her driving test: She can pick me up from places/get the shopping etc.
Lie ins!
Reading books together that I enjoy and discussing them.
Playing games without either playing down or being just down to chance
Ds likes to do my hair, which is really sweet. He's very proud of being able to plait.
Them putting the washing on/hang it up
Ds cleans the car and checks lights/tyre pressure.

mine are 18 and 14 and i still get loads of hugs!
They're just such good fun! We have a great laugh together and they are also sensitive and it's sweet seeing them as young men rather than as boys.

My 13 was indignant that I'm not sad that she's growing up. She says her friends' mum's all tell their children they are.

I love seeing her growing up though, she's turning into such an amazing person! She can do loads of things I can't. I'm eternally amazed by her competence.

Little children are lovely and squidgy and cute but there's so much more that's amazing about watching who the baby you made grows into.

And she cooks dinner and does laundry sometimes, and she and my 11 to D's and I can all share socks and wellies

We had my mums funeral the other day.

Afterwards my DS gave me a big hug and said I'd done really well and was I OK? He's 18. I felt about 4...

You can't initiate the hugs though- that makes them run away.

I loved seeing mine grow up. But oh, the “slipping through my fingers” thing. Heartbreaking. Sorry, OP- that’s not helping. But I cried when mine moved out of baby seats into car seats,and I only have to hear the first word of “One more step along the road I go ” and i’m In floods.

My dc are 14 and 13.Lovely people to talk to and have proper conversations, laughing at the same adult tv shows,watching them turn into decent adults,lovely company,no bedtime routine,no dragging them everywhere and being able to leave them at home,more couple time and the privilege of actually getting to watch this. My aunt lost her teenage son,that never leaves me.

I’m another “Little Mum”- said with an accompanying head pat. DS is 13 and about 5’10”.

We stayed up until 11.45 last night binge watching a crime series on Netflix- DS, DH and I all had different theories about it and we enjoyed seeing it to the end. There were some very adult themes and it was good to have DS there to chat through some of them in a casual manner. I loved his total indignation and amazement that being gay was once considered so wrong by so many. I loved the realisation that, to him and his mates, that was inconceivable. Knowing you’ve created a person with a sense of justice and fairness and equality is a powerful thought.

On a lighter note, I love the random acts of kindness- the cup of tea because I look tired. The chats while helping put the shopping away, the fact that he helps in the garden.

I also like the fact that you can have a reasoned discussion (not always, teens are hormonal beasts to say the least). I have been given tickets to somewhere- they are not cheap. I asked DS if he wanted to go, allowing him the right to opt out. He squirmed a bit and said he’d really rather not. We’ve agreed that’s fine, I’d rather my mum came and enjoyed it than DS cane and spoiled it by being bored. He’s going to spend the day with my step-dad instead. Everyone wins.

I think 6 is the sweetest agency, you have made it out of toddler wilderness and get to the age of reason. My dd amazed me at 6, I fell even more in love with her.

Anyway I dread it too op. Older dd 11 and I'm already feeling it. I have raised her to question everything, always look for numerous sources. But the only person she uses that on is me and its getting a bit wearing

Watching a film with a 12 rating rather than watching Thomas the Tank Engine Hero of the Rails for the billionth time.