Parents of older children/teens/young adults...

[LumiereLennie]

I’m feeling weepy and hormonal that DS is going to be six in September and is growing up and away from me... Trying to explain to a lovely but highly pragmatic DH that I will miss all his little boyisms as he grows and that he will want/need me less.

DH’s view is that these will be replaced with nice ‘older’ things IYSWIM so I won’t miss them so much, but I can’t really think what those might be. So, what alternatives will I have for cuddles on my knee when he’s sad/tired, or him singing my little songs he’s made up? Cheer me up that it won’t just all be grunts and girlfriends...

This has been a lovely thread to wake up to. At 5’ 10” I suspect I won’t be a ‘little mum’ - though growth charts are predicting a 6’ 3”+, so who knows?! Good work, MN users!

I've just remembered that as I picked ds1 (14) up from school I commented that a girl crossing the road had gorgeous hair. She was holding hands with another girl. They're gay he told me. The other girl is ds1's friend. He told me that his friend is trans and Polish. I was so proud that trans, gay and Polish had the same importance level (not very,) that it was all quite ordinary for him.

My 16 year old DD has gone camping with her friend and her family. Haven’t seen her in 10 days. I send her texts etc but not much in replies! I ask her “are you ok? Having fun? Ok for money?”

All I get back is “yes, yes and yes.”.

She will return on Saturday and spend the rest of the week in bed catching up on Love Island 🙄

Growing up too quickly.

When they develop they’re own taste in music and you find a whole world of great tunes/songs that you’d never have stumbled across yourself, and you can enjoy it together without anyone eyerolling.

When you overhear older dc giving younger dc advice on school or friendship issues and you get the total warm and fuzzies inside.

When they’re all cool and aloof and grunty but then they accidentally forget and absent-mindedly sing a song about you being the most beautiful mum in the world. (I mean like a pop song with words changed sort of thing)

When they’re texting their girlfriend one minute and then tucked up in bed with an arm round their old teddy bear the next.

Loads of things really.

All my DC are now the same height (DD) as me or taller (DSes) and I get the 'little mummy' headpats too.

Your DC just carry on doing wonderful things. Yes they might get hormonally grumpy from time to time, but it's not actually compulsory to be long-term revolting, and the awkward phases just pass, just as clinginess or night wakings or whatever inconvenient phase of younger DC did.

Sometimes wistful moments get you unawares, and sometimes the things you thought wouldn't be emotional (walking out of primary for the last time as mother of a current pupil) really aren't.

You get to reconnect to teen culture, and immaculate home IT support. The teaching of useful life-skills starts to pay off - our latest is that DS2 has learned how to open champagne bottles.

Mine are 19 and 25. They're just really good company and I don't mis the earlier years at all.

I have a 9 and 19 year old and love spending time all of us together or one on one.
My 19yo is such wonderful company. He makes me laugh and laugh.
He'll come to me for advice, get in my bed in the morning to chat.

It's bittersweet to see him find his own way in the world, but I feel proud that I've done my job. I worry about him in very different ways to my 9yo, and he needs me in very different ways.

Sharing books becomes "Mum, you must read this, it's brilliant!" I'm currently reading a 500 page history/philosophy book that my 17yo computer-geek recommended And he's right: it is very interesting, and just up my street. It would never have occurred to me to read it, nor in a million years would it have occurred to me that ds would read it!

My youngest has just finished primary school (she’s nearly 12) and my eldest is home from university (19).

I love that we can have intelligent conversations about things like Brexit, Pride and homophobia, the fires in Greece and Trump.

We went out for dinner last night and it’s just so much easier.

Eldest and I are working our way through Netflix box sets, we’re currently enjoying Altered Carbon and she cringes every time there’s a sex scene (it’s quite explicit!) and howls at how embarrassing it is to watch it with your old mum. Then we laugh together.

Youngest is really getting into music and makeup and loves educating me (and does my eyebrows for me). We enjoy kitchen discos and despite being hormonal and stroppy sometimes she is sweet and kind and we still have lots of cuddles.

It’s brilliant watching them grow up into their own people, and finding their own way in life. You still shape them and mould them but to a lesser degree, as they become their own self.

What a lovely thread.
I enjoy my teens more and more each year. I love seeing how their interests develop, I love their independence, watching them overcome fears. Having dinner cooked for me. Having good chats around the dinner table. Funny messages. Their friends are relaxed and chatty.

Everything they said up there 👆🏻!
There's no desire for the baby years in our house, though I was somewhat taken aback to discover that in 4 years time we will be awaiting DS's A-level results. In September it will be 4 years till he leaves for uni

@largepiecesofcrookedwood I think that was what freaked me - that’s we’re a third of the way to him leaving. We’ve been very lucky that he had been a really easy child to parent so far so I do honestly miss the stages we’ve already completed - and am waiting for the other show to drop as he gets older!!

*shoe, not show!!

Driving you & younger siblings to the beach!
Cooking you tea, making your bed, cleaning the bathroom, enjoying the same films, blushing as they introduce their girlfriends.

Noticing you’ve forgotten to put your wine in the fridge and doing it for you

I have Dd 20 and DS 22.
Dd is in US working until September then she is off to uni in Cardiff. I do miss her at the moment although we do have quick calls and have messenger.
Ds is lovely as well , he has a longterm girlfriend but still loves his family

“Noticing you’ve forgotten to put your wine in the fridge and doing it for you ”

To be fair, one of mine did this when she was about 7!

DD is 21 and has graduated uni and moved down to London last week and my DS is 16 and is currently away completing National Citizen Service. It is a real glimpse into the near future of what an empty nest will be like for me in 2 years when DS goes to university. I will only be 44 then so relatively young(ish).

I have just been on the phone to DD for an hour where we have had a good natter and laugh and we message nearly every day.

Both DD and DS are beautiful individuals who are interesting, intelligent and both have a wicked sense of humour. I am so filled with pride at both of their achievements.

DS has come through the angst teenage hormonal phase and we can talk for hours about all kinds of things. We went away just the two of us to London a few months ago and had a brilliant time and I am grateful that we have a good relationship.

Watching both of my DCs developing into adults has been a privilege.

I have 5 dc aged 11, 13, 13, 15 and 18.

Dh and I can go to the pub on a whim without worrying about babysitters.

They're all pretty self sufficient

They can all cook

They make me laugh soooo much

Maybe a downside is their friends just turn up with no notice. At the moment I have my 5 plus 6 friends. Oh the noise, but actually I quite like that as well, they're all so happy.

Eldest child is nearly 11 and it's really quite fun seeing him grow up. He's an absolute shit some of the time but he's also an interesting human being with a great sense of humour. I can see tough times ahead but also really great times.

DS 25 who has lived independently for several years still rings to tell us anything really good/really bad immediately it happens.
Cooking me dinner sometimes and even taking me and DH out to lunch -that's a new one!
Still have the odd cuddle and lots of laughs. He comes to stay several times a year. Here now with his very sweet girlfriend. They are leaving tomorrow. I don't want them to go

I’m sensing more pub time in the future - not unwelcome!

OP, like you I am 5'10 & I get affectionate pats on the head from my 6'2 & 6'3 sons who call me 'little mum'. They also wrap me up in the most enormous hugs. It's lovely

My DCs have grown and flown.

But they still come home :)

DS giving me a huge hug when he comes in the front door, he makes lovely cups of tea and we chat about what's been happening in his life. He does all the updates on the computer, he does a dump run for me. He's just lovely to have around :)

I love seeing DD so happy in her marriage and her beautiful boys (My DGS :) ) I love being a part of their lives.

I'm so proud of them both and of the happy and well adjusted adults they are now.

The sheer joy of going on holiday knowing that you can relax and read a book without worrying about them in the pool.

Have two boys (men?) of 15 and 24. Thoroughly enjoy conversations over the table at dinner. DS2 is witty and charming. DS1 no longer lives at home, but rings me as we both drive to work and we have great chats in the morning, driving cars about 500 miles away from each other. He also has a good line in calming health fears (he’s a doctor).