Parents of older children/teens/young adults...

[LumiereLennie]

I’m feeling weepy and hormonal that DS is going to be six in September and is growing up and away from me... Trying to explain to a lovely but highly pragmatic DH that I will miss all his little boyisms as he grows and that he will want/need me less.

DH’s view is that these will be replaced with nice ‘older’ things IYSWIM so I won’t miss them so much, but I can’t really think what those might be. So, what alternatives will I have for cuddles on my knee when he’s sad/tired, or him singing my little songs he’s made up? Cheer me up that it won’t just all be grunts and girlfriends...

A friend told me to make the most of having a son when he was small because, when he got to around 12 we would have nothing in common. I felt so sad. I have only sisters so had no concept of boys growing up.

Now DS, 6ft5" and 18 st (so at the same height as you, I am still tiny beside him!), 20 years old and at university, is closer to me than either of his sisters.
I have developed interests in gaming/sci - fi etc.that I never knew existed and, although DH was always interested that didn't tempt me to follow, rugby is now a part of my weekends in winter.
We love going to stand-up comedy together and loads of other things.
We share lots of in jokes that drive my DH and DD's mad.

I know this probably won't continue forever but, just like the babyhood stage, I'm making the most of it while it lasts.
And my DH still adores his DM so there is hope

seriously, EVERYTHING is better when they are older. all the stuff other posters have said plus you get your life back. They become interesitng humans, they bring boyfriends and girlfriends into the family, they are funny, independent and do amazing things.
today I met DD2 for coffee in a nice cafe while i was in between business meetings, she drove over to catch up with me and chat before going off on holiday with her fiance. DD 1 had taken my mother out shopping and done some stuff round the house (and filled up all the water bowls for the hedgehogs) and DS is out with his mates at the theatre and will be back "whenever". it's great.

I love my teens but they are very hard work! Their problems are major, they cost a lot more, they are moody, hormonal and so on and so on. I wouldn't say life is easier with teens, far from it (and mine are pretty easy tbf).

Well, this is quite impressive. Whilst I’m still not wishing the time away, I have gone from a blubbing mess of nostalgia last night to actually looking forward to seeing where he goes - but I did give him an extra long cuddle tonight (don’t tell anyone, okay?)...

I have been having a hard time feeling less relevant to my dc recently...and then today my 15 yo went out of her way to come meet me for coffee after work, was chatty and bright and interesting and asked me about my day and didn’t complain about going to the shop on the way home. Its nice seeing how they deal with difficult situations. I also love (ok slightly hate but mostly love) that they have a closer and better relationship with dh recently.

I agree with ChristmasTablecloth the teenage years are hard work at times.
You need the patience of a saint when dealing with teenage angst and their problems - sometimes you can have the best conversations when there's just the two of you in the car and you are really listening to them.
You also need nerves of steel when they are going out late and possible drinking or learning to drive esp if you are helping teach them. However you see them go on to accomplish great things in their lives and achieve their goals as they enter adulthood. These things will still make you cry just like you did when you saw them perform in their nursery nativity or when they rode their bike without stabilisers or you holding on.
My DS is 6ft 2 and gives me the best loves and hugs - my DH (whose 5ft 9) makes him stand several steps down on the stairs so when they hug he can still feel like he's the Dad .

Mine are all grown up now. The youngest is 21 and still at home but the rest are independent with kids of their own. I've enjoyed every stage of their journeys through life. Watching them grow and develop, not just physically but emotionally and intellectually. Making their mistakes and getting through them, dealing with their disappointments and their whoopees. Their first day at primary then secondary. Watching them do sports or performing and celebrating their successes or helping them brush off their could have beens. Their first job, their first promotion, first boyfriend or girlfriend, first home of their own, first child, second child, third child. Watching as they develop their own morality and values and taking quiet pride that they've not ignored mine but have learnt from me.

Life is the greatest journey known to mankind. Don't begrudge them it. Embrace it and enjoy it with them. It's a blast.

Oh it really is lovely having a "big son". (I have a lovely big daughter too ).
As others have said, chatting and laughing with them, less basic looking after/supervising, my son is kind and caring and looks after me sometimes inc two occasions where I was injured and needed medical help, he has a really nice girlfriend (I was dreading this aspect but it's been really positive) and a million other things. Letting go and trusting them to be careful etc is really hard though because I do just want to keep him safe. Don't worry, it can be wonderful!

@BertrandRussell that song....every leavers concert & assembly and yes it sets me off too!

I really miss my children being little, but my life is very exciting right now. You get your life back and that is the best thing.

I have so much in common with my older DC now that they are adults, I love it. We went to the cinema earlier, Ds 25, dd20 and dd9, it was great!

My 15yo is my best friend. We have so much in common, have the best conversations and no one can make me laugh the way she does.

I still get cuddles and I love yous. We talk every day about what's going on in her life and I have immense pride in the person she has become.

Every stage just gets better.

^MrsFassy* I agree (mostly, I am still her Mum and she can still drive me batshit occasionally) but she is a fabulous person, funny, bright and independent. I have young adult kids and they are fabulous too. The relationship changes but that isn’t a bad thing, just different. They still need and want you, just for different reasons. Being a parent to older children is as wonderful, frustrating and baffling as being a parent to little ones.

well today

my 18 year old made carrot cake and rocky road for when I came home from work (tasted good too)

my 20 year old sorted out the laundry even though I had not asked her (she was at work later on too so felt even bigger knowing she had done that just because she felt it needed doing)

my 14 year old came and sat near me when she saw I was upset and told me silly jokes (I had a shit day at work) about what she and her friends had been talking about on snapchat today

and my 16 year old (only boy who is 6 feet tall rugbyplayer and yes obsessed with girls) casually said as he got up to go to his room " night mum love you"

They all ate dinner and pronounced it great.. tidied up after them too

Honestly they are cute at 6 etc but the teenage years have by far been my favourite. I wouldn't go back my freeze frame year would have been last year when they are all teenagers and all at home.

teenagers get so much stuff thrown against them but really I find this the best age of my children and I wouldnt go back.. (I would like to have frozen time last year for a while though)

@deadringer

oops a bit to tricker happy

We went to the cinema earlier,

BEST thing to do with teenagers IMO they get the jokes in pixar movies and will help you pull the movie to pieces praise it to the skies and for a few hours your sat there sharing that moment with them and every time my heart just fills up with love for them all over again.

I'm 5'8" and thought i was tall until 6' 2" foster DS came along, and likes to pat me on the head 🙄
In 4 years he has blossomed, its been fascinating to watch.
Now he's an adult, and has so much more patience with DS, who is 11.
They play computer games together, and FDS takes DS out in his car to where all the cool kids hang out, all his friends love DS and he's been initiated into the car club!!
They both make me smile every day, and then simultaneously want to wring their necks!

Ds (14) actually initiated a goodnight kiss before I rolled off to the pub

loving this thread.

My six foot tall 22 year old is one of the few people to make me laugh. I adored it when he was young and it did fly by but I also love seeing the man he's becoming, one I helped shape. He treats his GF in a way that makes me incredibly proud and although we're very close, I love seeing him being independent. He told me recently he had the best childhood he could ever have wished for. I cried.

Oh nearly forgot my dd brought me out for lunch last week, twas lovely. And she bought a book on feminism and told me she would lend it to me when she finished it. I have a dd age 14 as well, she is the coolest, kindest, person I know. I wouldn't go back to age 6 for anything, lovely though it was at the time. Kelper my youngest two are fostered too, they are amazing kids, love them to bits.

I found the teenage years hard. But then you come through that and, oh God, the sheer pride you feel in these amazing adults.

Basically we seem to have created people that are just lovely to spend time with: they have our values and our sense of humour but they reflect that back in fresh and interesting ways.

DS1 in particular is 24 and the bond he has with his little brother (12) is amazing; they just absolutely adore each other. DS1 (who was a bit of a slacker in school) gives DS2 all this really wise life advice and DS2 just laps it up like his big brother is some kind of hero. DS1 watched Lion recently on a transatlantic flight and was absolutely shredded and sobbing at the brothers' story. He's such a lovely young man.

My six foot tall 22 year old is one of the few people to make me laugh. I adored it when he was young and it did fly by but I also love seeing the man he's becoming, one I helped shape. He treats his GF in a way that makes me incredibly proud and although we're very close, I love seeing him being independent.

This. ds is also 22 and 6'. I get more hugs now that he gave at 6 yrs old. Don't worry about that. It is also lovely when they drive you somewhere and you can have a drink, and they reach things for you, or carry things for you. Or sort things out for their siblings that they were fighting up until quite recently.

You have yet to go through the "sharing all my babyisms with everyone i meet" stage. Mine has not long stopped asking me to recount numerous funny baby stories to all and sundry.

At 11 mine is as tall as me and he fetches and helps out, has a wikked sense of humour and his own sense of style. We can have decent adult conversations but he still like to watch my little pony with me

Dont worry op you have innumerable firsts to go through equally as endearing in a different way

My four are 21, 14,15 and 26. The eldest dd1, lives 300 miles away and is a busy doctor but still rings me on her way home from work to catch up.
The others are all back at home with me.. one was away a year and returned with aussie girlfriend who lives with us (for one more year and they will both go to Oz) another returned home after a break up. One will always be with us as he is autistic.

They are SO much fun to have around... independent, but loving.. we joke, make meals together, see films, discuss the world, share books. They are adults but still my babies all at once and watching them become the people they are now has been amazing!

The teen years were difficult at times (DS1 was awful) but that passes. And he never goes to bed without a 'night, love you'

They need you JUST as much, just differently. It is fabulous.

DD1 is marrying her beautiful (female) partner in September . She has warned me that she is going to play 'Slipping thro my fingers' just because she knows it's the only song that makes me cry... evil kid