Advice on how to actually enjoy life with a new baby?

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This might sound ridiculous but I’m currently 38 weeks with first baby and the only messaging I’m hearing, from all directions, is about how hard and exhausting and awful and emotional and relentless and generally terrible it is having a new baby. It’s genuinely my biggest worry right now - more than the birth - that I’m just going to hate it, because from the way everyone talks it’s just going to be relentlessly awful.

Has anyone got anything positive to say?! I’m all for being prepared for the realities and I know it’s going to be no walk in the park, but there must be some up sides, surely?

I’m lucky to have a very devoted and loving husband who is so excited to meet his baby girl. He’s a grafter and I know he’ll pitch in with all the dirty work to take care of us, but realistically he’s also going to be gone a lot, possibly right from the very beginning, because he’s self-employed, running 2 businesses and we’re in a tough financial situation at the moment so with me just on MAT pay, he’s going to need to work a lot.

Tell me it’s going to be ok and I’ll actually enjoy some of it and still find joy and things to do that don’t cost money?!

1stly congratulations🙂
Ok,so imo it depends on you and baby.your baby will have it’s own wee person,foibles and preferences. Just like you in fact
Don’t get hung up on mode of feeding, it’s not the be all end all.really.whats important is adequate nutrition and formula is safe if that’s what yin chose
Buy some formula and bottles now, so if your are formula feeding you’ll be prepared, and if you mix feed or top up bf it’ll be there too.
Buy plenty sleepsuits
My big bit advice do it your way,what suits you both,don’t be perfect just be good enough
There is a plethora of books,so called experts,bloggers,lots of blah blah noise out there.Find what works for you
Don’t get too hung up on a particular ideology or practice
It’s okay to leave baby in cot whilst you go shower,make a snack etc. You don’t need to be glued to each other 24-7 and No you don’t wear a baby
Go out and walk, it’s good for you both.take iPhoe for podcasts and music
Regard your dp working he can still FaceTime,yiu can send videos,both call so he’s still supporting you

We have that Fabimax one but sold as Waldin for the new baby (not here yet). I like it because it doesn't have a weight limit so you can effectively use it until they grow out of it completely. But it is a pain to put together (DH said) and the mattress which came with it is crappy and thin and the one we have has an adjustable mattress with a stupid bend in it, which makes it really difficult to change the sheet! I don't see us ever using it as a standalone crib so the bend is just irritating and I'll probably replace it. Unfortunately you can only buy the same mattress from the same company in one piece and it's still thin. Also if you are me you may be disappointed that the sheets available for it tend to come in plain colours, whereas there are lots of nicer sheets for different sized cots/cribs around. But if you'd only want a plain one anyway, no harm done.

With DS I just converted a normal cot and that worked well.

Ikea does them too - Gulliver. Waaaay cheaper!

I also loved having newborns, even with a crap, abusive husband and exclusively breastfeeding. I'm looking forward to hopefully having one with my new partner

It can be shit and utterly thankless, but getting to see this adorable little person grow and develop is amazing

When they start smiling at you and getting more responsive and vocal it's the best.

Take walks with them. My 10 week old zonks out as soon as I leave the house with him in the pram then starts screaming the moment we get back

Forget about housework. The dishes don't have to be done. As long as baby has clean clothes (and bottles if FF) then it's fine.

Yea they will cry for no reason sometimes but personally I forget about it when he stops and get all burbley and cute again and I think 'aw how can you be that monster I just saw'.

Also enjoy not being a glorified incubator any more. Sure you won't fit into your old jeans yet but it's so good to not have to waddle to the toilet every 10 minutes or get beaten up from the inside.

Good luck, I hope you have a good birth and a super chill baby.

Personally I don't get the whole 'you'll never eat a hot meal/you need to batch food/get guests to make you stuff' mentality.

We cooked just as before having a baby - there are two of us, so even if baby is being hugged, there's a while person free, and if you need to do something whilst holding a baby, then many things can easily be done one handed, or pop baby in a sling, and it's no more tricky to cook than when heavily pregnant.

I cooked more in the early weeks, got back to doing frequent baking, took long naps. It was GLORIOUS!

Couple of bits of advice
Don't sweat the small stuff
Trust your instincts
If breast feeding doesn't come easily, don't beat yourself up, go for formula
Every single baby is different, peoples' advice refers only to their own experience. Their baby is not yours.

There is nothing better, in my view, than holding your baby and snuggling their head in under your chin.

Weeks 1-6 felt pretty thankless. They can't give you much back but then they start smiling and for me things then got brighter.

It's hard work but a lot lot lot of people have more than one child so it can't be that bad. I'm 20wks pregnant already with a 10 month old.

Get out when you can but don't put pressure on yourself to do it quickly. Lower your standards housework wise - for the time being it will have to be waaaaay down the list of priorities. Don't feel bad if you spend hours holding baby while they sleep. You never get the time back. It's the hardest but most amazing thing I've ever done

I’m 5 days in with a beautiful baby boy who just won’t settle. Struggling like made so came here to read some positive stories. Had a total Of 8.5 hours (yes I’ve been counting) sleep since my emergency c section and am exhausted. Breastfeeding is relentless I hope it gets better. I’m sure it will.

I loved it especially after about 2 or 3 weeks once I'd healed. But I had straight forward deliveries, breast feeding was not a problem and the best advice I got in late pregnancy was to practice sleeping in the day while still pregnant -enjoy 💐

RLoU it is such early days, is anyone else able to take the baby for a walk while you get a couple of hours sleep? ( it will help your supply) or just take the baby to bed with you for a few hours ? Sending unmumsnetty hugs.

It does depend a bit on your baby but I loved being at home with mine. Particularly my first as I could just fit in with her routine and didn't have a toddler or school run to deal with.
I would have breakfast with my DH , potter about and go for walks. I was lucky that DH usually came home for lunch so I wasn't alone all day and he used to be home at about 6.30 which I realise was also a privilege. I didn't join groups or socialise with DC1 but they were a lifesaver with DC2 as a distraction for me and my little toddler when we were faced with a very unsettled newborn

THank you @stillwish, I appreciate the hug! I do have support so I am grateful. My mum took him out today so I had 2 hours of sleep which was lovely, I just can’t help hating nighttime and missing my old routine. Nighttime is such a lonely place when your awake tired and desperate. X

Honestly, it really does depend what kind of a baby you get. My first few months were proper hell (in and out of hospital with acute reflux) but lots of other people seemed to be having a pretty nice time. If you are one of the lucky ones just resolve to come alongside someone who is struggling. Don't tell them they are to blame because they had a different kind of birth to you/breast feed/bottle feed/have returned to work/have stayed at home. We all need to be here for each other.

This is (for the most part) exactly what I needed to hear! Thank you, everyone. I feel like there might indeed be light at the end of the tunnel and maybe we haven’t made a terrible decision!

I do understand that so many people have a hard time and that they want to share that and pre-warn others, but I do feel that more often than not it’s more of a catharsis for those mothers than it is helpful advice for us newbies. Honestly, almost all the experiences that people have chosen to ‘share’ with me about pregnancy, birth and early parenthood have been very negative and I think there’s a big difference between just telling horror stories under the guise of a ‘warning’, and offering actual constructive advice.

So grateful to all of you who understood what I was getting at and shared your wisdom!

I rather liked the newborn stage with my first born. Lot's of sitting in cafes all day long with ante natal group, long walks with buggy, no need to wear a watch as you've nowhere to be at a certain time.
I never got how people stayed in their pjs all day long but maybe that's just me. I made sure I got up at 7 every day,regardless of how crap the night was, showered, dressed and breakfasted as normal then got cracking with the day.
I'd suggest, if your baby isn't super clingy (and there will be days that they are sooooooo clingy) get some dull chores done. Hoover, iron, whatever. I firmly believe that played a part in making my children great at entertaining themselves for a bit. And it means you aren't living in squalor which will make you feel better about everything.
Go to as many groups as you can. You'll enjoy some and ditch others but they are a total life line for realising you aren't alone.
Good luck! It's mainly fun. The nights can be shitty but focus on the days. xx

It’s blooming hard, even with an “easy baby” but my goodness it’s the happiest time of my life ever.

You’ve had good advice already but I’d say the thing is not to expect to bounce back immediately, accept your life is different and try hard to enjoy that change, (I really struggled with this and it’s my biggest regret) let everyone help you and don’t aim for perfection - good enough is good enough. If you can get showered and everyone is fed in a day see that as a win; this period won’t last for ever so do your best to enjoy even the night feeds.

People's Experiences are different but try not to be caught out by the huge surge of love you feel for this tiny, vulnerable little baby. It’s frightening how much this can overcome you (and also may even take a while to ‘kick in’) just go with doing what feels best for you baby.

Let others look after you too and don’t compare yourself to anyone else. Good luck!

I do understand that so many people have a hard time and that they want to share that and pre-warn others, but I do feel that more often than not it’s more of a catharsis for those mothers than it is helpful advice for us newbies

Maybe - but I think you're better off prewarned IMO. Here you are thinking about it and making plans.

Loads of mothers get a sugar coated idea of birth and the early days given to them as people don't want to talk about the reality. Then it's a huge shock and they think they're failing, rather than knowing actually it's OK, it's normal to find it tough.

Better to prepare for the worst and be surprised than expect it's all sodding wafty white sheets (why do they always have them in photoshoots of new mothers?!) and gazing lovingly at your happy baby.

I don’t know who these women are that have a sugar-coated idea of it all. As I’ve said, I’ve been told nothing but the downsides to absolutely everything since the moment I got pregnant and people have seemed to revel in it.

And again, there’s a big difference between ‘here are some things you’ll probably need to think about’ and ‘here are all the many ways it was awful for me and will definitely be awful for you too oh and by the way did I mention how terrible the birth was?’

I wish people would've told me about the 'not so good times' I feel it would've saved me from the near on breakdown I almost had!

I believe ( senior health visitor told me) that there is evidence which suggests not expecting it to all go perfectly protects from post natal depression

stillwish in that case the system needs to be a little more honest. I still recoil from those early weeks after every midwife, every leaflet, every booklet said breast is best and every woman with breasts could do it because it was what they were made for. My HV told me that breastfeeding mother put their babies first; ff mothers themselves. It is the only time in my life I have ever felt a profound failure.

There is nothing wrong with doing what is best for baby AND mother.

My advice op - don't listen to hvs. If you feel you need clinical advice or things are going badly go and see your GP and find the one who specialises in the babies or the senior partner at your surgery.

Yes, you will be tired but you get through it. I'd say just try and make the most of it, take each day at a time, most problems are only a phase. My biggest problem was the constant stream of visitors for four weeks, everyone we knew wanted to visit and some more than once. On top of that constantly making them drinks, clearing up afterwards - my brother-in-law was the only one who followed me into the kitchen and said, let me do that!

My little boy is three now and utterly fabulous! I remember the newborn stage as being very very hard. I was exhausted (he didn't sleep much) and he had severe reflux. My stitches didn't heal for 6 months. He was a high maintenace bay and cried every time I left the room. Last week I came across photos I'd taken of him when he was 3 months plus and I was astonished to see a happy smiley baby! So although it felt hard at the time, I think I did a pretty good job! My advice is to go to some free bay groups and stick with your NCT group if you get on with them because they were a big lifeline for me. In fact we all went out to dinner on Saturday night!

I have a newborn and I am a single parent. It's not as overwhelming as I thought it would be, as many posters have mentioned, newborns don't need much apart from being fed and changing their nappies. (Obviously you can talk and play with them a little too.) I am actually really enjoying every day with my baby, never got any baby blues either found it quite annoying when people kept saying that the baby blues were almost mandatory.