Advice on how to actually enjoy life with a new baby?

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This might sound ridiculous but I’m currently 38 weeks with first baby and the only messaging I’m hearing, from all directions, is about how hard and exhausting and awful and emotional and relentless and generally terrible it is having a new baby. It’s genuinely my biggest worry right now - more than the birth - that I’m just going to hate it, because from the way everyone talks it’s just going to be relentlessly awful.

Has anyone got anything positive to say?! I’m all for being prepared for the realities and I know it’s going to be no walk in the park, but there must be some up sides, surely?

I’m lucky to have a very devoted and loving husband who is so excited to meet his baby girl. He’s a grafter and I know he’ll pitch in with all the dirty work to take care of us, but realistically he’s also going to be gone a lot, possibly right from the very beginning, because he’s self-employed, running 2 businesses and we’re in a tough financial situation at the moment so with me just on MAT pay, he’s going to need to work a lot.

Tell me it’s going to be ok and I’ll actually enjoy some of it and still find joy and things to do that don’t cost money?!

letsallhaveanap yes, baby cinema was brilliant. Here’s a pic of him having a snoooze in the seat next to me . I miss it now he’s too busy mobile and noisy.
And my DS at almost two still faces me in the pushchair as we love “chatting”, I absolutely know what you mean about watching them grow as you push them around.

A sling is definitely a good idea. I only did that with my second, because it helped when I had an older one to look after. I wish I’d got one for my firstborn too.

Co sleeping. That’s another thing I did, but not by choice! It was better than staying up all night trying to get him to sleep though.

nuffaluff my only major parenting regret (so far!) is not having a sling from day dot for baby 1. It makes a big difference!
OP, I know what you mean - it does seem that everyone just moans about parenting all the time. But it really isn’t relentlessly awful. I’m on my third baby and mine have been hard, easy, hard - the type of baby you get definitely influences how enjoyable the early days are, but even with a hard work one, the love is overwhelming and amazing. The positives are harder to quantify than the negatives, but I can honestly say my children have brought me more enjoyment and fulfilment than anything else I’ve ever done. They’ve also pissed me off more, but you can’t have everything

Nuffaluff you said Take no notice of these people- I honestly don’t know why people go on about how difficult it is - sorry but that sounds pretty dismissive to me. No need to tell me to read it properly, I read it fine.

It IS hard for a few weeks, because it’s a huge life change. My top tip would be “get out the house”; go walking, get in touch with old friends and make new ones. Join groups, force yourself to be sociable and just get out there. There is nothing more mind-numbing than sitting at home with a baby who won’t settle.

My baby is 5 weeks old. Yes it is hard but it is also wonderful. He is just so beautiful and after struggling with pregnancy the relief that he is here and safe is overwhelming.

You don't know how birth will go so take time to recover at your own pace. It is the one time in your life you have permission to just sit and cuddle a baby. Take all the offers of help you can. If you have family and friends visiting take all the offers of help. I am breastfeeding but express on bottle of milk a day and this means DH or someone else can feed him if I have a nap as he wants to feed all night and the moment.

Every time I have taken him out I have had people come up and admire the baby even when he was screaming the place down in the nappy isle in Aldi. There is something special about a tiny little baby.

The best thing is seeing not just how much I love him but how much he is loved by the whole family. My husband loved him on sight. I don't think he was real to him during pregnancy but when they handed him to him after birth he was just besotted with him.

I have never been more tired but after keeping me up all night my beautiful boy gave me his first proper smile.

monica
And again. I was clearly referring to people who deliberately try to put the wind up pregnant mothers because it gives them some kind of...
Well I don’t know why they do it honestly. It’s something I wouldn’t do even though, of course, I had some tough times, just like anyone else. I wouldn’t tell an expectant mother how shit the newborn stage is. Because it’s not necessarily shit. And it in no way helps a person about to undergo a huge, life changing experience to regale them with stories of how awful it is. It’s hard but it’s not always horrible. Many people don’t have that experience.
The OP was asking for some positive stories about having a newborn. So that’s why I replied to her post. I found the newborn stage difficult, but it was lovely in many ways.

Hey there! Congrats :-) my lo is currently 8 weeks and Ive loved every second. Again it depends on the baby, my ds is a very chilled and smiley boy. Currently making lots of mummy friends, enjoy getting out and about. Like op said, the first few weeks with ds were also very rocky, he was taken to nicu with feeding issues, and I was there for 3 whole weeks! Just a tip really, trust your mummy instincts and really push for support and help if you feel something isn't quite right. I regret not being forceful enough with health professionals when they kept fobbing me off with rubbish answers to my Los problems, enjoy your lo whilst the little stage lasts :3 mines so big now! X

Yes, it's hard but it depends on your baby. My baby is 11 weeks and we've been through 10 weeks of utter hell (and that was following a traumatic birth). We were one of the unlucky ones - colic, silent reflux and CMPI. If one more person had fobbed me off with "oh but all babies cry" I could have punched them. Those who haven't had a tricky baby can never fully understand what it's like to have a baby who screams and screams and barely sleeps.

That said, now we have his digestive issues under control, it's like having a different baby. If he cries, we can fix it, unlike before when we'd endure 4 hour screaming matches at a time, with our neighbours later telling us they were thinking of reporting us. I hope you're one of the lucky ones, but those telling the horror stories may have been through the hell that we did.

OP I've been wanting to make a thread like this for weeks but felt too self-conscious/anxious to do it. I'm 39 weeks and have been worrying about this for weeks and weeks, on top of my severe anxiety about giving birth too (I have an anxiety disorder as it is). 90% of the people who have talked to me about pregnancy, giving birth, and being a mother have solely given me negative feedback and horror stories. I don't understand why you would do that to someone pregnant with their first child?! It seems so mean and has made me so unnecessarily anxious about everything. I agree with nuff completely.

I’ve got a nearly 4 month old daughter. She hasn’t been the easiest of babies with colic and a tongue tie that wasn’t picked up until she wasn’t gaining enough weight but I can honestly say I’ve never been happier. She still wakes roughly every two hours so I’m completely exhausted but I’m also totally besotted. I miss her when she’s sleeping and it’s difficult to articulate quite how much my heart soars when she looks at me. Before having her I had no idea quite how strong the love you feel for your child is. It is phenomenally tough physically but it is absolutely 100% worth it. It was about a month before that love really hit home and I remember feeling quite numb for the first few weeks, especially because I had a difficult birth, but you just have to stick with it. Don’t have any expectations of yourself or your baby, just take it as it comes. There’s so much unnecessary stress caused by feeling that you should be doing x, y, z. All you need to do is meet your and your baby’s basic needs. Also co-sleeping! Swore I wouldn’t do it, actually a life saver and I love having that closeness even if she does fart loudly enough to wake the dead.

No,it's fine. Yes, it's full-on. But the full-on-ness of it is at least in part because you, as a new mum, actually want to hold and soothe your new little baby all the time. As for the sleep, I'm convinced that some sort of survival instinct kicks in so that you mind being woken up less than you normally would. I remember thinking "There's no way I should even be functioning. And I'm a bit tired but..I'm ok!"
Also everyone treats you as a bit of a celebrity - second only to Queen Baby.
And little babies are eminently portable and don't have a sense of it being "evening" so you can carry on taking them to the pub for ages. People pass them round and go into tipsy raptures about them. Later they get a bit cross and twisty and it's not very fair on them...and the babies are kept awake too long, too :D
My big mistakes were: a) being a pig-headed twat about travelling close to my due date, which didn't so much mess up my birth plans as render them completely irrelevant b) not telling my tosser of a FIL to fuck off.
Congratulations. It'll be amazing xx
(Oh yeah, and childbirth doesn't have to be awful, either. There's nothing you can do about it so you might as well not worry :D)

It's exhausting and your body is screwed but I love the memories of walks with the pram and I loved the late night snuggles during night feeds as it was quite! No visitors or phones going to ruin it.

Meadow I wondered how you were getting on. It is definitely possible to enjoy the newborn stage even if you had severe anxiety throughout the whole of pregnancy. The relief I feel that the baby is here and ok. I truly feel that it was worth everything I went through in pregnancy to have him.
Yes people should talk about the challenges of having a new baby but only so you are prepared for them and don't feel that you are the only one not to completely terrify you. Yes I am a bit sleep deprived but I still have more energy than I had the whole of my pregnancy.

I’m one who didn’t really enjoy newborn stage. But although it’s a steep learning curve, it’s totally do-able.

Tips from my mum which I pass on to you:

Remember it’s an unreasonable situation. This sometimes makes you less than reasonable. Be gentle with yourself, and your partner.
Small babies may send you slightly mad. I found it both totally consuming and very boring. It’s ok. Be gentle with yourself.

My tips:
Get out as soon as you are able ( I had a c section and took me 10 days).
Lower your expectations of yourself. There may be days when nothing gets done except baby is fed. if anything more is a plus, it’s easier to enjoy what happens.
Blurt, if you’re in need of support. I decided to be frank about how I was feeling, which unlocked a whole secret society of parent friends who got it. They took me for coffee and turned up at my house with food.
If anyone asks you what you need, tell them to being you food. Other people preparing meals for you is great and you’d be surprised at how much time just adjusting to baby land takes.
Don’t worry about cherishing every moment - but do take pics!

Who fed you that?! Newborn days are a walk in the walk compared to a 2 year old (IMO!) All babies are different of course.
I breast fed on demand and spent my days snuggling my beautiful baby as much as they wanted! Bliss! If you are someone who struggles with sleep deprivation, then try really hard to rest as much as you can, doze when the baby is sleeping. Try to relax and go with the flow. Don't stress about chores and keeping an immaculate house!
I'm 24 weeks now with #3 and I have two other children / school runs to manage. I'm not expecting it to be as relaxed day-to-day as with the first two.

It's a nice time. Have low expectations of yourself in terms of stuff you do now without thinking. Sounds silly to say that, since you've no idea yet what those things really are - I think they are different for everyone.

I had a doula for birth/prep, who talked to me a lot about the '4th trimester' - the first three months with a newborn. I took all of her advice - I made no plans in advance of the birth other than wanting to have the three of us left alone for the first 2 weeks unless we contacted people for help. That turned out to be a great thing. We just snuggled up, prepared for no sleep, got some sleep, ate as well as we could, walked slowly every day, went to the pub. Was lovely.

I stocked up on decent M&S ready meals for lunchtimes once my partner had gone back to work. I aimed to be downstairs and washed by 10am, I went out every day - walking with NCT people (they are friends now, 4 years later), got home by 5.15 for Pointless.

I dunno... it was nice. We moved out to a one bed flat above my parent's garage after 3 and a half months. The time before that was a charm compared with the next months in that ridiculous flat!!

I loved it. My baby slept for 3 hour stretches from day 1, and a 6-7 hour stretch by 6 weeks and we took it in turns, so I wasn't tired. Every day was filled with going out to see friends, and cafes. I had an easy baby, but honestly, it was like a holiday 95% of the time.

Not everyone finds it exhausting or difficult, but we tend to keep quiet, as no one who is struggling wants to hear how awesome someone finds it.

I loved it. Yes it was hard at times and sleep deprivation can be overwhelming but I loved going for walks in nature. I made friends pretty early on at a post natal exercise class at the hospital so we accompanied each other to many groups and library sessions and made more friends.
I took my baby to places I wanted to go to like galleries and exhibitions.
I also went to the cinema.
Thankfully, the friends I made were all up for meeting up without the baby in the evening for a meal/drink out from time to time. That saved my sanity.

My memories of the newborn days with my first baby are so positive. Yes there were some really hard moments, I found breastfeeding very hard and painful for a long time and he woke a lot in the night. But there were also sleepy daytime naps together, hours of snuggles on the sofa watching tv and eating biscuits, friends bringing you food and baby presents, coffees in nice coffee shops with friends. I loved it. Just had a second baby and it’s not quite the same when you have a toddler in tow 😆

My dc was a screamy very unhappy baby but the love you feel is so immense that it's still wonderful. I had a c-section and the recovery wasn't too bad. Newborns are so so cute and squidgy and they make little grunty noises. They're just lovely. I'm jealous. Enjoy it.

My daughter is 4 months old. The first few weeks were really exhausting so grab help where you can.

But now we have so much fun going to groups and swimming etc, and every morning feels like Xmas morning seeing her beautiful little face! Honestly your life just gets better.

But I'd definitely recommend leaving the house everyday, for your own sanity at first! Xx

I think that when people regale you with the half-remembered ‘horror’ of those first weeks/months, they’re actually talking about their own reaction to CHANGE.

Yes, it’s a strange event that doesn’t have an equivalent in modern life. Yes, it’s intense and involves a steep learning curve. Yes, you’re expected to be on your toes when you’re still recovering physically. Yes, it doesn’t have any of the things we like to think are so fun- travel, novelty, chillax, glamour.

We are used to having autonomy, thinking about ourselves first, using modern conveniences to fast-track the boring bits of life. No wonder it is a shock when those things abruptly end. It’s not about you any more. And you get this shocking epiphany that it never will be again.

If you can mentally prepare for that change, think of it as emigrating to a new planet to live, then it’ll be much easier.

I’m helping my SIL with her first (a week old). She didn’t do much reading, discussing, preparing before the birth. She is by nature very energetic, clever, successful and independent. It is hitting her very hard. The work of a newborn is pretty straightforward, and when you hit a snag there are loads of expert resources to help you. The tricky bit is getting used to the 24/7 of it. The logistical differences of life before and after. The absolute necessity of planning ahead and accepting help (or you won’t eat).

But you do get used to it. And it is worth it. We’ve just been a little lucky in our generations, and don’t want to give it all up!

I found the newborn stage hard both times I don't really like babies even my own they are dull BUT I loved the bones of them and though we had hard times it was worth it a million times over.

Try not to worry and just go with it my worry ruined a lot of ds1's first year.