PhD confusion

[slapcabbage]

I've just finished my PhD but I'm having a family dispute about what to call myself.
I started under my maiden name and got married halfway through. I changed everything, passport, bank etc to my new name except at uni where I kept my maiden name because I already had publications in that name.
So I'm Dr maiden name but am I Dr married name too? DH says not and that I am Mrs married name even though he gets to use Dr on everything by virtue of never having been daft enough to change names.
Any clever mumsnetters out there with PhD's know the answer?

Personally I think if you are going to get patronised and disrespected (as still happens in many cases) purely for being female and having kids, using your doctorate as a way to forestall this is perfectly legitimate.

We used to cause confusion when DP and I lived with Dsis and her DP.

We had at the same address Dr Fennel (Ph.d), Dr Fennel (medic) - my sister with same surname as me, Dr FennelDP (Ph.D) and Dr SisteroffennelDP (medic).

also agree with HBM on the marriage-neutral aspect.
If someone says 'Is that Mrs or Miss?' I say 'Neither, it's Dr.' If they just put me down as Ms I don't bother correcting them.

I use Dr Maiden Name and Mrs Married Name, partly because I like to have a separate non-dr identity. But I'm fairly sure you can also be Dr Married Name. I know of one academic in my field who has done this.

DH is also a Phd and has the title Dr on his bank cards etc. Cue terrible awkward moment when in our favourite Indian restaurant and the manager, whom we were on pretty friendly terms with, being regulars, came over and quietly asked my DH what he thought his chances were with liver cancer.

Impressing checkout staff and bank clerks

I can sense a Freudian analysis of deep-seated feelings of inadequacy required here.

Are we not confident enough in just being who we are, do we need to solicit admiration and "respect" from such people around us in our lives to make us feel good about ourselves ?

Chatting pleasantly with checkout or bank staff seems to win them over to being pleasant back and smiling rather than grumping and bashing the perishables unnecessarily hard against the conveyor belt.

Maybe it's because I have the most respect for people who routinely treat others as they would wish to be treated, I have no subconscious knee-jerk respect reaction for anyone with a title of any kind. Actions speak louder than words and titles.

Here endeth the sermon

It's not just about impressing them Grrr - they only let me have international roaming on my mobile phone when I had a poor credit rating cos I was calling myself 'Dr'

And more importantly, when I had some problems with my pregnancy with dd the consultant only explained the risk to me properly, with graphs and numbers and everything, because of it.

Can you not just call yourself whatever you like? I mean, I think if I started my own religion and ordained myself I could call myself the Rev Brastraps and no-one would be able to stop me. As long as you're not misrepresenting yourself in a fraudulent manner (which you're not) then I think you can do what you like.

Congratulations, as somone at the start of a part time Phd I envy you and don't know how I will ever get there.

I will have the same dilema because I haven't changed my name at work but have outside of work. If I ever manage it I will be Dr...whatever name suits

When I worked in Cambridge (in a job, not academic!) I had to ask customers 'Is it Mr./Mrs?' They had to reply 'What else would it be?'. I had to smile cheesily and say 'Dr. or Prof.' In a patronising way.

Did the consultant tell you they were only explaining it to you in those terms because you had PhD ?

I'd hate to feel I had to explain to someone that I was as intelligent as them or produce some form of official evidence, I'd hope they'd get a clue just from talking to me.

You can indeed set up a religion and call your self Rev. HowdyDoDa.

My point is that perhaps an individual "has some issues" if they feel the need to do this.

I "have issues"

I have issues with well-spoken people who believe they have class but then, for example, they treat their cleaner/au-pair as if they were a second class citizen with some sort of impaired sensitivity so that being rude to them or about them didn't matter.

I'm becoming unbearable so I'd better stop posting along these lines.

PMSL @ Rev Brastraps

It is my unqualified opinion that anyone who is clever enough to have earned themselves a PhD can bloody well use the term Dr as and when they see fit! I can only admire them from afar!

I do see you point with the class thing though Grrr. However, the people who I know with doctorates are such nice unpretentious people that whether they call themselves Dr or not has never really been an issue to me.

I dont think its about impressing anybody, its just about using a title that you have earnt. Tis no different than using Mr, Miss or Mrs because that is what you are.

The bank guy i was rerferring to was actually the one being a snob i think, in implying that little old me (a woman? not dressed in Bodens & Crocs?) couldnt possibly be a Dr?? Maybe i was being disrespectful in challenging that??

I dont see anyone on this thread saying that they use their title to try and elicit respect.

Agree completely about the way you treat people being more important...having spent many years working as a waitress (and have also worked as a checkout girl in my time too, though never managed a job as 'good' as a bank clerk pre-college) have been on the receiving end of plenty of snobby shite from a wide range of people so would never dream of dishing it out!

not a class issue as such - but when you are being patronised by some person who is supposed to be in "customer care" then it can be useful to kncok them off balance by using the title.

Doesn't mean that I think all people who work at checkouts or banks are beneath me, or that I would patronise my cleaner/au pair (not that I have ever had one - don't earn enough for that).

Grr - well, there's not really time for anyone to form an opinion on your intelligence based on your behaviour during a 10 min consultation during which they also have to look up your fanjo
He definitely said something like 'Oh, well I know you'll be ok with numbers' because he had seen my title or my job on my maternity notes.
Looking back I don't think he was quite as unreasonable doing that as the mobile phone man, because let's face it, most anxious parents-to-be probably don't want a graph shoved in their face when they are making decisions about being induced etc.

But of course I agree with you that people should be judged by their behaviour, not their titles, should be given equal treatment regardless of their level of education, etc.
And couldn't agree more about the way some people treat cleaners.

Don't use mine on a daily basis (thou' sometimes think I should as I bl**dy earnt it), have occasionally done the 'its Dr actually' to some patronising salesman etc. Haven't put in on my passport (nor has dp) for the reasons mentioned below re travelling and needing a medical Dr. dp uses his more frequently, but then he is an associate professor.... we were, jokingly, going to rename the ouse 'The Surgery'.....

Well, my friend has a PhD in literature and is most certainly not OK with numbers...

Grrrr - I use my title all the time. It is not about impressing, proving myslef or anything. It is simply because it is my title.

If someone says is that Miss/Mrs I do say 'it's doctor' but I'm not making a point other than it is my title. I am still in a science-based position and therefore my title is 'relevant' but it is not why I use it.

I fly regularly and have never been calld to assist (I don't make a point of booking as a doctor but if asked for my title will give it). I really don't thik it would waste time them finding an alternative!

To the others - you can definitely use both your maiden and married name with your doctorate. As someone mentioned you frequently see 'previously published under the name of x' on publications.

I get married at the end of the year. The feminist in me says I won't change my name. The problem is that DP has a far nicer name than me. I suspect that the feminist will win out. As we have a son I am frequently called 'Mrs x', I may just stop corrected them when we marry!

I also have the same issues with well-spoken people who believe they have class but are then rude to people they perceive to be subservient to them.

Ive also come across a fair few who i dont think even believe they have class but still treat you like a piece of dirt just cos you're serving them their dinner...have the same issues with them too.

Surely that's just a general thing about whether or not you are a tosser and not related to class, money or title?? Although i guess the money thing means you might have more people working for you to be horrible to??

Ive also had GPs explain things more fully using medical terms since being a Dr myself... i then have to ask for explanation in laymans terms as dont know about medical stuff. THis just seems like a reverse snobbism though as they should explain to everyone fully anyway surely.

Dont think you're being unbearable Grr but you seem to be making the assumption that us Drs use the title to be snobby to people when for most of us that is not the case. If that is the case for anyone then its because they are an arse in general, not because they have a Phd.

Bbstraps, my point exactly re the assumptions of what a PhD means.

The "earned it" bit confuses me too.

A friend was predominantly funded by her dh's high pressured earning of "loadsadosh" (his term for it) whilst spending her time gaining a PhD in a literary field that interested her greatly, stimulated her mentally and put her under a bit of pressure from time to time with regards deadlines etc. She did not produce any studies of commercial or social value or undertake any scientific research.

She feels fulfilled to have a PhD at the end of it, lovely, but her husband was stressed at being a sole breadwinner and mortgage payer and is a bit disappointed that it has not lead to her now being more employable in a higher earning capacity. (He makes remarks about her job hunt every time we see them)

IMHO PhD s could be considered indulging oneself accademically, as in my friend's case, so I don't completely buy the earned the right to use the title "Dr" thing.

From what I can see, it's bl**dy hard work being a single parent and the title you are awardedt from undertaking that actually means that a lot of people, governments included, have less respect for you as an individual.

Please save your PhD title of Dr usage for when you are in similar company where it will be correctly understood.

Grrrr... I think it's you who has the problem here.

I use Dr purely and simply because that is my title. I am not 'Miss' (I am married) and I am not 'Mrs' because I don't use dh's name. I could use 'Ms' and do in cases when I don't want to use 'Dr' (flights, etc.). I don't use 'Dr' because I expect to be treated any differently because of it. I don't use it to play games of oneupmanship with people. And I don't use it because I think I am cleverer than people who don't call themselves 'Dr'. I use it, because - more than 10 years on from getting it - my 'identity' is that of Dr Ellbell.

I should add that I work in academia and that I might feel differently if I'd gone into some job where it wasn't expected that I'd use it on a day-to-day basis. (DH doesn't work in academia and rarely uses his 'Dr' title. It's only on things which he changed in the first flush of enthusiasm after getting it and hasn't changed back.)

Class doesn't come into it. Like HBM I was the first person from my family to go to University (and am still, so it's not even as if I started a trend!). My background is very 'ordinary'. My dad did a job which involved getting his hands dirty. And I treat everybody as I would like to be treated myself (or, at least, I try to).

Out of interest, Diplidophus, do you work in higher education or science etc ?

Cross posted with you Grrr...

Your friend's experience is not typical. Most people do PhDs on minimal funding, often working part-time (yes, even as cleaners...) to survive.

My PhD is in literature. It is not medically, socially or economically (heaven forbid!) useful. Nonetheless, I am bloody proud of it.

To be fair to Grrr I did say there are situations in which I use it to get respect when I feel I am being unfairly disrespected, though I think Throckenholt puts it better than me.

I agree with others that it has nothing to do with class or looking down on people though.

Grrr, your friend will have produced an 80 000 word thesis, which is an achievement no matter how stimulating the subject and no matter who is paying the fees. Anyway, being a parent also has its fulfilling and interesting moments, and you are almost certainly doing it through choice, but that doesn't stop it being tough or any less of an achievement to bring your kids up.

but Ellbell, you work in academia, see my post of 11.13.

Please note PhD people that my opinion is naturally influenced by conversations with friends who have a PhD, see my post of 11.13.