Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

PhD confusion

231 replies

slapcabbage · 15/05/2007 22:31

I've just finished my PhD but I'm having a family dispute about what to call myself.
I started under my maiden name and got married halfway through. I changed everything, passport, bank etc to my new name except at uni where I kept my maiden name because I already had publications in that name.
So I'm Dr maiden name but am I Dr married name too? DH says not and that I am Mrs married name even though he gets to use Dr on everything by virtue of never having been daft enough to change names.
Any clever mumsnetters out there with PhD's know the answer?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Ellbell · 16/05/2007 00:23

Think you stand a better chance of being some help than I do, gingernut! (Quite apart from the fact that I am too scared to get out of my seat when flying - I have to strap myself in for the duration!)

Ellbell · 16/05/2007 00:30

OK, Shiny... tell her it's about a man who goes on a long journey to find out what happens to people after they die. (Will she be freaked by this idea? I don't think so, but if so, you could tell her that it was written 700 years ago and is about what people used to think happened to people after they died in 'the olden days'.) In the first part he see the people who've been bad in their lives and (this is key) who didn't feel sorry for it afterwards. He talks to them and finds out what they did when they were alive and sees how they are being punished for being bad. A couple of examples might be that people who were greedy are rolling around in mud and poo and rain and hail and sleet is constantly falling on them. Or that thieves are turned into snakes. And so on.

That's Inferno. After that, he goes to Purgatory (you might not want to call it that if you don't want to confuse her, since Anglicans don't believe in Purgatory...). Just say that he sees how people who did bad things in their lives but felt sorry for it afterwards make up for the bad things that they did so that they can get into Heaven. And finally he sees the good people in Heaven and at the very end he has a vision of Jesus and God.

And then he goes home and writes it all down!

Perhaps I should do a 'Dante for Kids'. One day, maybe!

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 16/05/2007 00:45

Thank you Ellbell. That was extremely helpful for me also, seeing as I have never actually read the much-treasured and signed book you sent me.

So sorry for the threadcrash Dr. Slapcabbage (you really MUST edit your registration details to this!)

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
1dilemma · 16/05/2007 00:45

lol Dante for kids however I am infact looking for a simple Tom Sawyer and Peter Pan with nice pictures could you turn your hand to that perhaps?

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 16/05/2007 00:46

She'll only be able to if they are special-edition versions starring Dante, 1dilemma

1dilemma · 16/05/2007 00:49
Hmm
Anna8888 · 16/05/2007 07:54

My sister is in exactly the same position as you.

She started her PhD in 1994 and finished it in 1997. In between she met and married her husband, in 1995.

She changed her passport, bank accounts etc to her married name, Mrs R D.

However, in her academic life, she is always known as Dr R P*.

Ellbell · 16/05/2007 10:42

LOL! Shiny understands that I am obsessed. (Their should be child-friendly editions of those books, though, 1dilemma - unlike Dante!)

PS 1dilemma... am very of you having only ONE dilemma

Waswondering · 16/05/2007 10:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kathyis6incheshigh · 16/05/2007 10:53

Congrats Dr Slapcabbage!

I think you can be Dr whatever you want, but if you are going to travel to the US, you will save yourself a lot of grief if your married and professional names are the same.... I know several of the older generation who have had problems because their conference invitations were in their professional (maiden) name but their passports were in their married name

thehairybabysmum · 16/05/2007 11:12

Congratulations Dr Slapcabbage!!

Personally i have kept my maiden name despite getting married but that is because i am a stubborn feminist but as you have changed your married name then surely you are now Dr married name too as the Dr is a title and you've bloody earnt it!!

Why does your DH have an issue with this...shouldnt he simply be proud that you are a dr too.

You will always have relatives addressing you as Mrs Mrs DH's-firstname DH's surname, even though this is v. annoying, am personally convinced this would be the case even if i was president of the USA so call yourself what YOU want!!

My DH is now referred to my a number of my friends as 'Nurse surname' rather than Mr...so at least when we get stuff addressed to Dr 'x' and Nurse 'y' i feel it re-dresses the balance nicely!! (Im not a medical Dr either...mind you my Phd is in soil science so also get called the Dirt Doctor by said friends!)

Grrrr · 16/05/2007 11:13

I thought it was only the done thing to routinely use the accademic "Dr" Title if you were working in an accademic or related capacity where it has some relevance.

I'm basing this opinion on the eperience of having several friends who have a PhD some of who work in higher education etc and some who don't. Two of them said when we discussed it once that it would be very poor form to use it when booking airline tickets etc as if there is a medical emergency the staff do not need to know quickly who is a medical Dr and not waste time approaching someone with a "doctorate" who likes the sound of being referred to as Dr xyz.

I have a professional qualification higher than a degree but I wouldn't use the letters after my name unless it was in a work or study related capacity, just because I'd feel I was being pretentious.

Grrrr · 16/05/2007 11:15

need to know quickly ,

lots of spelling errors and typos in my post

sorry

throckenholt · 16/05/2007 11:17

congratulations - you survived .

You can use your title with either name - I know someone who has publications with her maiden name, then her married name, and then she reverted to her maiden name when she divorced.

fennel · 16/05/2007 11:17

My undergraduate tutor told me your Dr title HAS to go with the surname you had at the time of doing the Ph.D or D.Phil, so that you can't transfer it to a married name or any other change of name. She may have been wrong though.

It didn't affect me as am not married and haven't changed my name.

Gess my Ph.D was in conversation analysis. Are you planning to do yours in the psychology department?

Grrrr · 16/05/2007 11:23

Seriously, do you guys all intend to routinely use the Dr bit even if you don't actually work in higher education or some other area where it is relevant ?

throckenholt · 16/05/2007 11:36

I only use mine when I want to impress some oik with my brilliance - so when I am writing a letter of complaint, or where I want to indicate a "professional" status.

beckybrastraps · 16/05/2007 11:37

I use Mrs...

On some things (mostly filled in by proud dh I am Dr married name. If anyone mentions it I always say I'm not a useful doctor.

Our mortgage is in the names Mr DH Brastraps and Dr Becky Brastraps. All our letters come addressed to 'Mr Brastraps and Sir/Madam' .

stleger · 16/05/2007 11:39

I have just been referred to as Frau Doktor Husbandsname by a German colleague of his, although I routinely use my maiden name. I don't have a PhD, but in Germany bask in the reflected glow of his. It is handy to be Dr. in the bank if you want them to break a jobsworth rule.

fennel · 16/05/2007 11:43

I use it for bank accounts (especially when I'd just finished the Phd and had absolutely no money but lots of debts). and for work (academia). Apart from that I use Ms but would prefer Dr to Mrs or Miss.

throckenholt · 16/05/2007 11:47

oh yeah - useful on bank accounts and credit cards - always impresses the checkout person when they pass your card back and say thank you Dr Throckenholt .

Actually my cards are all still Miss - it is my DH who had Dr on his cards and I stand there thinking - hmm - all I get called is Miss !

thehairybabysmum · 16/05/2007 11:52

Grr, i personally feel that i worked bloody hard to get my PhD...(i am not posh and was the first one from my family to go to uni, i dont have A levels and left school at 16 as i hated it) and so feel i have earnt the title and it isnt pretentious. I would never use it in a pretentious way i hope.

i have bills and some stuff pre PhD still under Miss HBM but i do not insist on people using it. However if filling out forms booking things now and asked for my title i give Dr as that IS my title...I am not MRS HBM (to me that is my mum).

Funnily my DH is generally more insistent about this than me, i think he thinks that as i didnt want to give up my name for his then i should use Dr (he knows i find this embarrassing sometimes).

I did have a guy in the bank say to me on looking at my bank card...you dont look like a doctor, so did ask him 'what exactly one looks like then'????

Becky...i also use the non-useful type...or the wrong type of Dr..ie not the sort that gets paid 70k plus!!

Libra · 16/05/2007 11:53

Congratulations!

I am Dr Married Name because I did my entire PhD after we were married.

It doesn't cause many problems and DS1 now knows to haughtily enquire 'Which Dr Married Name?' when he answers the phone. I shouted at someone last week who asked for Dr Married Name, was told that they were speaking to me, and then said 'Oh No I meant the real one'!! Major abuse ensued!

We are always extra nice to waiters who manage to hand my credit card back to me rather than assuming that I just handed them my husband's card.

I have to admit that the departmental secretaries always book me on flights as Dr, and I hadn't really thought about the problems that might entail. Will have to talk to them about this!

caughtintheact · 16/05/2007 11:54

hi slapcabbage , congratulations!

it has always been my understanding that you can only use Dr with the name you started your phd under...in fact, it's one of the reasons I didn't change my name!

However, I can't actually remember why I believe this, and haven't been able to find any evidence for it. Also, I have met at least two women working outside of academia (where publication record not so important)who have called themselves dr married name who weren't married when they started their phds. So certainly you can do it - it's hardly as if you're commiting fraud!

that won't help you win the argument with dh, though will it ? perhaps you could ask student services at the uni what the 'official' line is, then if you're right you can shut him up, or if you're not you can just keep quiet!

thehairybabysmum · 16/05/2007 11:55

I forgot to add that the other reason i really like Dr is that it is not related to my marital status...i can be an unmarried, married or 5 times divorcee of a Dr and noone is any the wiser...I dont like the way that miss/mrs is not like this whereas Mr is neutral in this regard.

Obviously this opinion might be slightly related to my previously mentioned stubborn feminist streak !!