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Original poster

How do I trust DH with baby again?

97 replies

Tentoes21 · 26/03/2018 09:26

Hello all, new posting here - nice to meet you!

I’m hoping for some help from people who can relate...

My LO is 4 months and she can’t yet sit up by herself.
My DH was playing with her recently and reckoned she COULD sit up, so let go of her. She fell backwards and hit her head, it was awful. she didn’t cry for more than a few seconds afterwards.

I read up about it and she doesn’t have any signs of a bad head injury, she’s fine - but I’m so angry at my DH for being so foolish. He apologised but it doesn’t make any difference to me - how can I ever feel like I can leave her with him again??

Just wanted to know if any of you have had a similar situation and how you managed to move forward from it?

I’m not sure whether I should just let it go or whether I should take it really seriously and do something (am not sure what I’d do tho)

Thanks in advance all

OP posts:

nellly · 26/03/2018 09:29

Is it his first child? To be honest lots of people make silly mistakes and have accidents. Babies are designed to survive new parents. Yes it was stupid of him but I'm sure he got a shock and if he seems apologetic I would let it go,

Odds are at some point you might misjudge something and something might happen, we've all done it

00100001 · 26/03/2018 09:31

So, your DH made a small error in judgement, your baby is fine. DH apologised.

If you think you will go through the next 18+ years without ever making a minor mistake with your child.
Or if you make a mistake one time and it would be OK for DH to say "you can never be alone with DD again"

Then fine. Make it an issue.

But if you seriously think that you have never made or never will make an error in judgement about your DD, you're deluded.

Aprilmightmemynewname · 26/03/2018 09:34

When my pregnant dil sat my ds of about 6 months at the table on an adult chair and started to walk away I was suitably concerned for dgs!! He has made it to 2 unscathed. Maybe some books on child development needed for your dh?!

Interested in this thread?

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Cacofonix · 26/03/2018 09:36

Think you need to get a bit of a grip here. DH misjudged and no doubt learnt a lesson himself. He apologised. Baby is fine. We all have minor lapses of judgement throughout parenting and if you shut your DH out from doing anything with baby he will give up trying to be involved and you'll be back in here in a few years time complaining you have to do everything.

RiceBaby · 26/03/2018 09:37

LOL! Calm down.

loveulotslikejellytots · 26/03/2018 09:38

This will not be the last time your dd gets hurt by accident. Off the top of my head I can can count probably 10 times dd has hurt herself while one of us was watching her. She's banged her head countless times, rolled off the bed, fell off a chair, shut her fingers in a door, dropped a book on her own head while 'reading' laying down.

The first time she hurt herself I did exactly the same thing as your DH, I thought dd was getting really good a sitting up, sat her up and she went over sideways like a sack of spuds. Minor knock and a few tears, she was fine.

All of the above happen in the one second you look away, or turn around to grab the baby wipes. Accidents happen. You don't need to 'do' anything, your DH made a mistake but you can't stop kids from hurting themselves completely.

yikesanotherbooboo · 26/03/2018 09:38

He will be feeling awful. It was an accident and in the future it will be on your watch.
Reassure him m and forget about it.

PaddyF0dder · 26/03/2018 09:39

Calm down. If you fret over every little incident you’ll be knackered by the toddler years.

We all make mistakes. Cop on to yourself and let it go.

aurorie11 · 26/03/2018 09:41

With all due respect you need to get a grip, it was an accident your child cried for a few seconds. I say this as a Mum who’s DH was holding our then 8 week old against his shoulder and she threw herself at an angle. DH dropped her from the height of the chair he was sat on, on to a wooden floor. Yes she cried, lots, we got her checked out at hospital she was absolutely fine and still is years later. DH felt dreadful and never did it again. Your DH will feel v bad about it, but you both need to move on and learn from it.

Cuppaqueen · 26/03/2018 09:41

Honestly, I think you're overreacting. He made a mistake but all parents do; she's fine and he apologised.

Namethecat · 26/03/2018 09:41

I was once out with my dh in an argo s . He was writing out the order I was holding daughter ( she was around 4 months old) I sat her on the counter, still holding on to her when she suddenly threw herself backwards and like your one, hitting her head . She cried but was fine. I'm telling you this because my daughter is 35 years old !! He will always remember this and probably won't do it again. Forgive him and move on.

HoppingPavlova · 26/03/2018 09:42

Babies are going to have accidents while learning to sit, stand, walk etc. They are pretty much designed to withstand falls from doing these things as long as it’s from their own height if it makes sense. So falling over from sitting on the odd occasion while they learn to gain balance is not going to hurt them. Falling from their own height while learning to stand, walk etc. Your DH didn’t drop them from standing at his height and it’s nothing that’s not going to happen naturally now and again while they learn to gain balance.

Chienrouge · 26/03/2018 09:42

DH once left DD (about 9 months) on the changing table and she rolled off. We had to take her to A&E (she was fine). It was an accident, a temporary lapse of judgement. It hasn’t stopped me trusting him, in fact he’s more cautious now as he’s learned from his mistake.
They’ve had accidents in my care too. It happens.

flufffysockks · 26/03/2018 09:42

Calm down.

Yes it was daft and he should've known better, but you learn and move on.

It's very dramatic to suggest he can't be trusted.

flufffysockks · 26/03/2018 09:43

And 'do' what exactly?

drinkyourmilk · 26/03/2018 09:43

Woah I think you need to recognise your dh as an equal parent for a start.
He made a mistake, and is sorry. Surely you must know that he didn't do it on purpose?
I do understand it's hard to let go when you are the main caregiver - I still struggle and my lo is a year- but it's important you do for your relationship with your husband and his relationship with his relationship with your baby. I just tell my inner control freak to shut up and let him get on with things.

seven201 · 26/03/2018 09:44

Babies get good at learning to tuck their head forward when they're falling backwards. Your dd will roll over accidentally a lot! Unless your dh is insisting on propping her up and leaving her I think he's learnt his lesson.

ohamIreally · 26/03/2018 09:44

I remember a family member saying to me "wait until your baby rolls off the bed for the first time". I arrogantly thought "my baby will not be rolling off the bed". Until she did. At that same family member's house!

childmindingmumof3 · 26/03/2018 09:46

It was a stupid thing to do and I would have been angry BUT it was an accident.
If your DH realises his mistake then you have to let it go. The next stupid mistake might be yours.

BarryTheKestrel · 26/03/2018 09:49

Calm down. DD threw herself from the sofa at around 5 months under DHs watch. I came flying out of the kitchen and did shout as to why he wasn't watching her. He was, he was even loosely holding her, but she threw her body weight and he couldn't react in time without potentially dislocating her elbow/shoulder. She fell onto a pillow probably around a foot but the shock made her cry for a little while.

Accidents happen. Yesterday DD, now nearly 3 fell down 3 steps despite me being only a few steps behind her, because she wasn't looking and missed the step. She cried a lot and has a forehead bruise but it was an accident. They happen.

FHNick · 26/03/2018 09:49

I can assure you there will be lots of bumped heads. Give your husband a break and tell him to prop her up with pillows next time!!

FreshStartToday · 26/03/2018 09:52

My dh was dreadful with ds1, forever misjudging what he could do, how big he was etc. There were lots of mini clonks, and bumps and I was very stressed when dh was in charge. I was soooo careful with my precious pfb.

However when ds1 was 18 months or so, it was me who was with him as he had an horrendous accident. DS1 pulled away from me and ran in front of a teenager on a swing, who was swinging high and hard, and the swing caught ds on the side of his head. It was horrific. The whole world went into slow motion, and I will never forget the sound of it hitting him . . . .

DH was brilliant. He was utterly supportive to me and didn't blame me at all. It made me realise that I had to trust him with ds. Anyone can make a mistake. But everyone deserves the chance to be with their child and to learn how to look after them. And if the worst happens, and it is a serious mistake - unless they have been totally negligent and avoided all sensible warnings and advice - then you don't blame the other person. You support the adult too, as they will be feeling awful. Just as you would want them to support you, if you made a mistake.

Babies are fabulously resilient. We get very caught up, understandably, in looking after them. There is so much to learn. So much to avoid. But don't let that concern come between the two adults who created this little person together. S/he needs both of you and you need to encourage and look after each other.

HTH

BertrandRussell · 26/03/2018 09:53

Unless he makes a habit of bad judgements like this why would you be angry? And why should he apologise to you? Surely in circumstances you just thank your lucky stars it wasn’t you who called it wrong on this occasion, and console and reassure the other parent that nothing bad happened and they can stop beating themselves up about it

JessicaJonesJacket · 26/03/2018 09:57

I understand why you got a fright but honestly as PPs have said, there will be lots of bumps and tumbles and falls with your DC. Welcome to life with a child and cut your DH some slack because your DC will get hurt on your watch. It's inevitable.

Mishappening · 26/03/2018 09:59

One road that you need to be wary of is you being the parent "in the know" who makes all the rules about how your children are handled. The more your OH is hands-on, the more he will attune himself to the needs of your baby. So, you need to laugh this minor incident off (it IS a minor incident), give your OH a hug and support him.

You need to be a team bringing this child up, and that includes forgiving the bloomers that you make - and yes, you will make some of your own, believe me!

I could list here all the minor (and more major) incidents that have happened with my children, but the page is not long enough, and folk will die of boredom.

Remember HE is a parent too and it is possible that he will do things differently to you at times, but you have to back each other up.

I used to work part-time and OH used to have the children on his day off. They used to call it their "Daddy Day" and loved the change in approach that he brought. Something to rejoice in.

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