How do I trust DH with baby again?

[Tentoes21]

Hello all, new posting here - nice to meet you!

I’m hoping for some help from people who can relate...

My LO is 4 months and she can’t yet sit up by herself.
My DH was playing with her recently and reckoned she COULD sit up, so let go of her. She fell backwards and hit her head, it was awful. she didn’t cry for more than a few seconds afterwards.

I read up about it and she doesn’t have any signs of a bad head injury, she’s fine - but I’m so angry at my DH for being so foolish. He apologised but it doesn’t make any difference to me - how can I ever feel like I can leave her with him again??

Just wanted to know if any of you have had a similar situation and how you managed to move forward from it?

I’m not sure whether I should just let it go or whether I should take it really seriously and do something (am not sure what I’d do tho)

Thanks in advance all

It wasn't the London Book Fair, was it Loore? Only that's quite big and might do some damage..

Lol! I now realise how it read. Not quite so big as an actual book fair but it did make people gasp when it happened. Poor kid screamed so loud too.

It was done deliberately. She’s four months old and cannot sit up. He decided that she could if she wanted to/tried harder, so her let her go and didn’t even have the fucking sense to have his hands behind her to catch her if she couldn’t. That’s not an accident, that’s fucking stupidity, she a BABY not a bloody toy.

Agreed.

I think posters are just thinking about the times they personally had accidents without considering the detail of this situation.

I think it was a misjudgement, which is a kind of accident. It was stupid but I think everyone's allowed a stupid moment every so often, especially when the consequence is a bumped head.

Hi all, thanks for responses...

Good point that it’s important to consider the detail here.
DH has been thinking that LO can sit up for a while, and I’ve had to keep pointing out she can’t.
DH gets excited about all the things she can do, without being all that mindful of her limitations.

So, context is this - LO can’t sit up safely. I know this, DH disagrees. Left to own devices, DH pushes it on this and result is that LO falls over.

Who wouldn’t be pissed off about that?
The more I read your posts the more I realise it was a bad choice, and should be forgiven. But it was a CHOICE ....rather than an accident.
And that is a concern.

I can and will relax more, but there’s also another side to the story too.
He knew what he did was wrong but he didn’t seem all that upset by it. I was off the scale worried tho. I hate that imbalance.

Really helpful to have such a broad response. Thanks all!

Why does he think she can sit? Does he realise he was wrong?

What else does he think she can do? Eat solid food, take a bath alone?

I remember when DH let my DD 2 days old roll out of her Moses basket ... On to the floor! The handle slipped out of his hand !!! It was the 3rd child so not that much stress!!!!

There will be much more to come !!!

Why were you “off the scale worried” though? That’s not a proportionate reaction to the incident (falling from sitting position).

The concern for the OP is what else is he going to get wrong. Does he think babies can bounce?

My sister dropped the Xbox control on my 6 month old today and gave him a bloody nose. It did shock me but she’s 4 years old and it was an accident.
What baby can sit fully unaided at 4 months?! Your husband is a moron but I think you’ll have to forgive him for this one and tell him not to be so stupid next time.

I can see your difficulty OP in that you are saying in your subsequent posts that there has been a difference of opinion about whether DC is able to sit - so it was not simply a momentary misjudgement or an accident. He was making a point.

Why do you think he wants baby to be able to sit early? - I wonder why it means so much to him. Is he the competitive type? Is he a risk-taker himself?

There is a lot to be said for rough and tumble with Dad (when they are a bit older!), but some Dads can be a bit too gung-ho and that can be a problem.

In this instance it was only a minor tumble - something that all babies do when they are learning to sit up securely. Are you worried that he might take risks with the baby in a more serious situation?

Thanks mishappening

Yes he is competitive. He likes to be the ‘best’ at things and i fear he wants that for our LO too.

He’s really into progressing into the next steps of development (when will she roll, crawl, sit etc). I prefer just to let LO lead and watch the signs.
He’s more of a risk taker than me, but then most people are, i’m very cautious (but then you should be with a tiny baby, no?)

I think there is a bigger issue here which is that I’m not entirely comfortable with his style. I was managing to let it go until LO bumped head which unleashed a whole load of frustration in me.

There’s always more to it on these threads, isn’t there?

Thanks for all your input

There's a reason their heads are so big.

I think I'd be annoyed too at the fact you've said she can't sit up.and he's still pushed it and its resulted in an accident...but it was an accident, he didn't want her to get hurt.

All three of mine have rolled off the bed...only the once each mind but still. You'd thing by the third I'd have learnt my lesson

I can see where your coming from but hopefully it’s at least a learning curve for him? Glad your DD is okay. As others have said accidents are gonna happen. My 6.5mo rolled off the bed on my watch about 2 months ago and it was honestly the worst moment of my life. I didn’t know he could roll back to front at the time and the sound of the thud just made my heart sink. Took him to hospital and he was absolutely fine. My DP was so incredibly lovely to me and reassured me these things are gonna happen and that “that’s why they make them so squishy” but now I obviously know to have him in secure safe places if I need to grab anything

My husband was carrying our new born up the stairs in his moses basket when he lost his grip on one of the handles. Baby rolled clean out of the basket and all the way down the uncarpeted stairs bouncing off every step inn the way down. Baby boy is now 18 years old. He was uninjured. Turns out babies are quite bouncy in the hands of clumsy and inexperienced parents.

Husband did not confess terrible incident on stairs until until very recently as he was plagued with guilt.

Many more mishaps will happen over the years. Some of them will be your fault.

Keep calm. Carry on.

All babies fall over when learning to sit, he just needs to remember the cushions next time and to have his hands ready. You do need to relax a bit I think. I k ow it's easier said than done - I felt awful when my little one fell backwards and hit her head when learning to sit. I forgot they could fall backwards rather than just sideways rolls eyes at self, but she wasn't hurt and it was forgotten in minutes.

Now she's learning to walk, and there are many more bumps. You can childproof until the cows come home, but they can injure themselves on thin air. My baby has faceplated her own toys several times. Tbh, if she doesn't hit her head (not to cause injury mind!) at least 3 or 4 times a day, she's probably not having enough time to play. It's constant. They try to eat cat food. They try to lick the pram wheels. Sometimes they succeed.

Your child is on the cusp of 'doing stuff' rather than just lying on the floor, it's where the bumps begin. Obviously it's good to be careful, but accidents do happen.

My first son (4 years old) has been in A&E four times in his life (twice as a baby) all because of accidents he had whilst in my care.

My current baby (7 months) was in A&E last week because of an accident he had whilst in my care.

Accidents happen for many reasons and thankfully my DH understands that. It wouldn’t cross his mind to think he wouldn’t want to leave me alone with the children.

I’m sure your DH has learnt from this and moved on so try and do the same.

Go easy on him. I was the first to slip up as a parent (nipped his finger with nail clippers at 2 weeks old) and my DH made me feel bad... Until he let him roll off the bed himself were about to have our third and there will be no hard feelings as to who’s watch the first boo boo is made on!

Pretty bad error in judgement but I am sure he does feel bad about it.

Similar happened when my DD was 8 months (she had been sitting confidently for 3 months!), she just decided to fall back and banged her head on a really hard floor. I felt terrible.

The poor guy will feel terrible! Give him some slack. She's his daughter too and has just as much say over her as you do. I think as Mum it's easy to feel like you know best. You'll both fuck up again. Several times. That's parenting!

BTW, if she literally just cried for a few seconds, she probably wasn't even hurt at all. It was probably the shock. What sort of surface was it on?

He made a mistake. Cushions all around LO when trying to sit up. Sounds like a first time dad mistake, we've all made them in different scenarios.