Tips for first time mums!

[cheshiremama89]

5 weeks in and fumbling through!

It's incredibly obvious but I finally figured out a small "win" about a fortnight ago...

To change DS nappy before each feed, that way if he falls asleep I know he is as clean as he can be.

I was hoping my mum would have told me things like this but hasn't, I feel like I'm learning on the go and not always doing it "right".

Does anyone have any other tips? They can be very obvious as I am a total amateur

My tip is to don't do what I did and stress over what the baby books said DD should be doing. I was obsessed with getting her into a "routine." Things got much better when I started to go with the flow.

Similarly, don't worry about "creating a rod for your back" in terms of sleeping. Do whatever works to get sleep, whether that be rocking, co-sleeping whatever. None of this putting them down while they are awake nonsense. They get there eventually!

Congratulations!

All babies are different so advice is often useless!

But...

You can't spoil a baby.

Always make sure you have a drink when you sit down to feed. A thermos mug is your friend.

Some babies are very clingy and some are very independent. Both are fine. Just go with it.

A sling is fab if you and the baby like it.

I'm pregnant with my first too

Just giving this a little bump for more tips!

Thanks @sugarycerealfan

These are all great so far!

I'm due in 5 weeks! These tips are great! Shamelessly placemarking.

If it works for you, your baby and your family. Then it's probably right.

Don't try to do anything except looking after baby in the early days.

When you feel able, get out and meet other parents. Those parents with baby number 2, 3, 4, (or more) will have lots of their own experience, and will have met loads of other mums and babies who have had various problems. They can help put your worries in perspective. (Yeah, that's normal, or You need to see the doctor now!)

If you are a SAHP (Even if it's just for maternity leave) with a partner. Then your job is childcare and child development, whilst your partner is at work. House work still needs to be shared, as does after work childcare.

Don't go out without wipes nappies, a complete change of clothes for baby. (And more formula than you think you need If bottle feeding)

My ds is six weeks old, and I've learned so much in the last few weeks. Some things I've realised:

Accept help when it's offered. When ds was 3days old My mum offered to change his nappy, and while she was doing so realised he had a hernia which my dp and I had completely missed in our sleep deprived state. We got it checked out and referred by the hospital the same day. Who knows when we might have noticed it, as it isn't obvious all the time and I would never have known to even look for it.

Ask for help when you need it, don't just battle on. I got mastitis at about day 8, and felt horrendous, and in so much pain, but waited til the midwife came on day 10, to get help. That was 2 days longer I was suffering unnecessarily, she told me off for it and rightly so. I didn't want to bother them but that's what they were there for.

Have muslin cloths everywhere. I have them in basically every room in the house, anywhere I'm likely to sit for more than five seconds has a stash of cloths.

There is no point keeping wipes on a warmer or radiator. As soon as you get the wipe out of the pack it goes cold anyway.

If you have room pop a bouncy seat in your bathroom, to sit baby in for two minutes while you go for a wee/shower. Get a cheap one on Facebook or eBay, and you'll be able to pee without having to hold a squirming baby.

In fact eBay and Facebook marketplace are your friend, when it comes to kitting out for baby. We only bought a couple of things brand new (mattresses, car seat). Everything else came second hand and saved us a fortune.

Finally, Try and find pleasure in the night feeds. I often sit here at 4am with the curtains open watching the sky change colour, or listening to the birds, and just try and enjoy those peaceful moments with my baby, just the two of us. I know it won't last forever, so I'm trying to enjoy it while I can.

Try to get out most days. Its nice to have the odd day in but if you're finding you can't face the world more days than not, talk to someone.

Have a wee box with thermometer, calpol, snufflebabe, saline nasal drops and chocolate ready (that one is for you) for when your baby gets poorly.

If you're going out for the day and will be a long way from home, pop a spare top for yourself in the changing bag. DD always puked on me when we went to visit a particular friend 90 minutes away.

Oh, also:
Its always a phase. All of it.

A good sling can be worth its weight in gold.

A swinging chair bought second hand is fantastic for a few months and can usually be sold on for approximately what it cost

Don't buy a high chair with any fabric parts.

Don’t bother spending a fortune on clothes. Baby will be happy in a sleepsuit and will grow out of all clothes very quickly. Try a baby hoody rather than a snow suit, so much easier. Metanium for nappy rash is the business.

Nearly 5 weeks in here too. Friends bought us a homemade nappy cake with the stuff that worked for them (infacol, snufflebabe etc). Definitely helped to have those two on standby, so I would say get that stuff in advance so you don't have a panic rush to the shops or even worse have to wait till the shop opens!

However many nappies you think you need, get more. However many muslins you already have, get more!

Ebay for clothes, and just get cheapo supermarket vests because they won't last 5 minutes until next size up!

Definitely agree about the help. About day 10 I was very upset that MIL was coming for the 2nd day in a row and just wanted me and DH to be left to it (and still had some blues looking back). Come day 20 I could have kissed her when she took DD for a walk so I could rest and take a shower - and even had time to dry my hair with a hairdryer! (instead of letting it air dry to a frizzy mess)

I found I spent a lot of time worrying about what my DS was or wasn’t doing only for him to figure whatever I was out himself.

I too got stressed about routines, DS just wasn’t interested and it suited me better that way as could be flexible about what we did.

All goes so quickly and now I have a toddler running round the house!

Almost everything is a phase.
This too shall pass
Be kind to yourself
It goes very quickly.
You cannot spoil a child with love
Sleep is more important than housework
Don’t play competitive tiredness.

Oh and those envelope neck tops? They can be rolled down over the body if they’ve pooed up their back.

Unless they poo, don't bother changing their nappy after a night feed. It'll just wake them up and you'll take forever to get them to sleep again. Disposable nappies these days can hold an incredible amount of liquid. I know this because I accidentally put one in the washing machine!

Creases go deeper than you think. I was warned about cleaning under the neck but no one mentioned how deep and difficult to get to their little arm pits go.
I felt terrible when I realised I hadn’t cleaned under there properly and dd was sore.
Speaking to parents it’s a common mistake.

If baby is screaming and you can’t wprk out why, check that there are none of your hairs wrapped around fingers or toes.
Another common problem.

You can file their nails with a nail file whilst they are feeding or sleeping, much easier than mixing teeny baby fingers and scissors

Buy colourful muslins - that way you can identify yours easily at baby groups

Buy a really good digital in the ear thermometer - the ones your gp uses, as then you know exactly how high their temperature is when they are ill. Best investment ever, it was around £40 but is so much better than the cheap ones we used before.

Buy Boots’ own calpol, it has a plastic bottle unlike proper Calpol. I broke our only bottle on the bathroom floor, sleep deprived with a grumpy 6m old at 3am on a Sunday.

Others have said this but I reiterate...

Do NOT stress about whether you are doing the right/wrong thing, with regards to sleep. I did this and wasted so much energy on it, when what actually happens is they change every few weeks anyway. It sounds silly but you get so caught up in the moment that you forget that they grow and change all of the time. What is stressing you out one week will have changed into something else the next week!

Savour the moments. I truly miss night breastfeeds. And looking across from my bed to see her there beside me.

Remember there is a “last” for everything - a last time you might BF, or pick them up, or hold their hand. Don’t wish time away or waste it worrying.

Practically - the one thing that I wished they’d told me at antenatal is that when they’re a few days old they can get a newborn rash all over their body! I spent so long doing the glass test...(obviously you still need to check, but don’t panic as 99% of the time it’s a common newborn rash).

Just as an opposite to the get out every day advice. Don’t feel like you should go out unless you actually want to. It’s fine to be the sort of person who enjoys being stuck on the sofa snuggling their little baby. Your baby gets everything they need from you. They have no need for Mum and baby groups or classes. Those things are for you so if you don’t need or want them that’s fine.

Also nightdresses are so much easier than babygrows for nighttime nappy changing. M and s sell them and they’re called bundlers for some reason.

When you leave a room, try to leave it how you'd like to find it in an "emergency" - howling baby/poo explosion/projectile vomit/marathon feed. You don't want to have to hoke for essentials if you don't have enough hands. Remote control access is essential. Leave baby clothes downstairs. We got a cheap plastic drawer set for the kitchen to put away clothes straight from the dryer or outside to save multiple trips up and down the stairs with a cling on baby and an armful of clothes.

Use your gut instinct when they are ill. A lovely doc once said to me. If mummy's worried I'm worried.

Now mine are older I try to use my gut instinct rather than panic every time they get a sniffle.

Don’t stress! Try to enjoy every moment but if you don’t that’s also ok. And the best advice I was given was to ‘fuck the fucking housework’ I did this with my second everything was presentable and pretty clean but I stopped stressing about hoovering and being visitor ready I doesn’t do much more time glued to the sofa cuddling. Was lovely

Some good advice here IMO...mostly about finding your own way, everything being a phase and not worrying AT ALL about ‘making a rod for your own back’ type things...babies change so much, you won’t get stuck feeding to sleep etc...they’ll just grow out of those things.

All I would add is to take photos everyday. As many as you can. And videos...their little noises change so quickly and my favourites to watch now are just the mundane moments...how they move/sound/look etc. I gave my OH the job of uploading photos to our computer regularly and stored them by month in a series of folders. Now they act as a sort of visual baby book...when he walked/sat up etc etc.

Huge congratulations. It’s the biggest rollercoaster but the greatest joy ever.

Do whatever works for you. Seek help when you need it, but health visitors don't know everything, and they certainly don't know your baby as well as you do. The guidelines are just that, trust your instincts.

Don't feel like you need to spend lots of money, if you're on a budget, second hand is fine.

The best thing I learned from first DC was a night time rota. For ages DH and I would just take it in turns to get up with the baby. Unfortunately, when you're sleep deprived, it's hard to know whose turn it is and we ended up both feeling like we were doing more than our fair share. We ended up splitting the night into before 2am and after 2am. Worked much better.

Oh and never buy baby clothes with buttons up the back, they're the work of the devil!

Don't follow the rules and regulations in all these books.

I made that mistake with ds1. Now realising with ds2 how easier it is doing it my way.

Do what's right for you