Tips for first time mums!

[cheshiremama89]

5 weeks in and fumbling through!

It's incredibly obvious but I finally figured out a small "win" about a fortnight ago...

To change DS nappy before each feed, that way if he falls asleep I know he is as clean as he can be.

I was hoping my mum would have told me things like this but hasn't, I feel like I'm learning on the go and not always doing it "right".

Does anyone have any other tips? They can be very obvious as I am a total amateur

Double layer the cot so it goes mattress, protector, sheet, protector, sheet. If they pee or vomit you can just peel the top layer off.

Wash baby socks in a delicates bag.

Refill your changing bag when you come in the door so its ready to go next time.

Envelope necks are for going down over the body in the event of poonami or vomit.

Do whatever works for you.

You can exit your baby from their babygro downwards, avoiding getting shit all over their body and head after an explosion.
Wrap yourself in their blanket while you're doing the night feed so that the blanket is warm and smells like you when you put them back - they just might not notice....

Great tip re: the folds of skin!
DS has fluff in his neck creases which are impossible to get to...

At 6 weeks do you think I should be bathing him daily?
The only advice I had regarding this was initially to just do it every 3/4 days when he was newborn

Advice is a couple if times a week as their skin gets dry but if you both want to more often then do.

Safe cosleeping. I wish I had done it earlier.

I wouldn't stress about bathing every day at this stage - do it if you want, but you're wiping so much anyway (remember neck creases for dribbles of milk) that missing a day or two isn't going to make a difference.
At some stage routine becomes important for some babies (one of mine responded well to a routine from quite early - he's nearly 7 now and routine is important for him, whereas the other one isn't bothered) and bath can play an important part in that. Maybe 3 months?

I recommend an ErgoBaby carrier. My baby always takes a nap on the dog walk.
Also always have food/drink near by when you sit down for a feed
Download Audible if you haven't.
Take more pics of them when they are this small and video clips because even though people say it passes so fast and you think stfu I haven't slept in 2 months, it really does pass so fast. And you can never have too many memories of those early days.

Don't worry about routines. You know best.
Sleep when the baby sleeps.

You deserve that cake and that bar of chocolate and that coffee.

I accepted that I would hold my baby all evening til we went to bed at about 1130. It's only now around 6 months that his bed time is earlier.

When you get to the supermarket or the swimming class or the baby group on time or late but with everything you need, congratulate yourself.

Probably don't worry about those 'milestone' cards.

And your baby is developing perfectly. Don't let anyone compare their baby to yours.

Chat away as much as your can to your little one. It's good for their brain development.

Also well done for being an amazing mum. You've got this. And it gets better and better from now. Except the sleep regressions. Looool.

Also everyone is obsessed with telling me that my baby is teething. Don't be surprised if they are the same with you.

Oh yes and I agree with another poster, if you feel safest home with your baby. Stay home.

Yes to everything being a phase. I would worry endlessly about my first born and things he was doing because the new born phase feels like it will last forever.

Second came along and one day was screaming in discomfort (physical needs met) and I remember looking at her and thinking 'ahhh you'll be smiling in 6 weeks' stuck her in the sling and carried on with cooking dinner!

Baby groups and classes will not benefit your newborn baby what so ever in any way shape or form. You don't need to be out of the house by 9am every morning to meet other mums and their babies so you can drink cheap coffee and compare milestones. Your baby needs you and only you, your baby doesn't care at all about anything in the world apart from you. Do not stress yourself out by trying to keep up with other people who do 19 groups per week and swimming classes and baby sign language classes. They do not have 'little Einstein's' they have too much time on their hands.

If you want a routine, start putting it into place now (dark and quiet at night, no rocking to sleep, introduce a comfort etc). I said 'if' so don't @ me if you don't agree with routines.

Have muslin cloths and bibs everywhere in your house. If you have 10, get 50.

Invest in a bouncer/playmat so you can put baby down while you get some housework/cooking/toileting/showering done. You don't need to take a baby to the bathroom with you, nothing bad will happen if you nip out of the room for 10 minutes. And it's absolutely fine to not hold a baby 24/7. You've carried the child for 9 months it's perfectly ok to not want them glued to your hip as well for the next three years.

It is perfectly okay to live off ready meals and take aways right now. And if people are visiting request food in plastic tubs that you can freeze and re heat. Get snack foods, biscuits, bread(toast is a great meal post pregnancy), those pasta in mugs, cup of soups. Anything you can make in 2 seconds while the baby is asleep.

If you don't want visitors then tell people that. You don't have to have people round if you would rather it be just you and your new family.

Ignore any advice you get from the health visitors, they really know fuck all about fuck all.

Guidelines don't have to be followed if you feel another way of doing something would suit your family better. Whatever you think is best for your baby is 100% best for you baby, you know that because you are the mum.

Take pictures and videos. I know people tell you time goes fast but you don't realise how fast time goes until your baby is a toddler and you can't physically remember them in the early days.

If baby wearing a long sleeve top with built in scratch mitts, pull those over the hands before putting a cardi on and it makes getting the hands and arms through the sleeves a lot easier!

Remember that vests can usually be pulled off down the way (over the bum) - useful for those poonamis!

I'm only 11 days in but so far:

• working out how to side feed lying down was amazing! I can now feed her at night when she won't come off the boob and snooze safely and then slowly slide her off.

• don't feel bad if you need to co-sleep. I swore I wouldn't do it but it's the only thing that works for us at the moment so for now I am happy we can do it safely rather than worry about dozing off sat up feeding her.

• why does everyone recommend all these muslins? She's never sick and I've not really found loads of use for them yet.

• don't bother with newborn clothes unless they are quite large. Jojo and boots are nice and big but all the other makes she is growing out of already and she was only 7lb8 so not huge!

• buy only onesies that button up the front! All others are a giant pain in the ass!!

@spugzbunny

Mine didn't start being sick after feeds until he was about 4 weeks old. Now he's sick occasionally when we burp him, also he drools sometimes. They're also useful for drying his bum before a new nappy goes on, popping over him while the nappy is off to catch the inevitable open air pee, wiping nappy cream or baby lotion off my hands, wiping snot off his face (he has a cold today), drying my face after the inevitable hormonal crying moment, all sorts of stuff. I have loads of small ones, about 20cm square, as well as a load of the bigger ones. The little ones are super useful, and they are literally all over the house, I found one in the kitchen sink yesterday.

MajestyRoyale

Remember though that those groups can actually be a saving grace for people that need to get out the house and have some routine...I adored baby swimming and baby sensory. I was under no impressions it would make her a genius, it was just so lovely to spend that time with her in the pool or singing songs and meeting other women. Absolutely don’t feel pressured to go, but I didn’t meet one single pushy parent at mine and I have lovely fond memories of those groups from maternity - particularly swimming.

• don't feel like you have to have a routine, but don't feel like it's too early either. We had a vague routine from the start, it started to solidify by about 3 weeks, and by week 6, we had a rather predicable routine going, which has pretty much stuck (with minor variations) for months. But you don't have to be slaves to it. My daughter always went to bed in the evenings, but that didn't have to be in her cot, or even in the house. If you build a routine, build one that enchances how you want to live your lives, not constrains it.

-there's no need to put a bouncer in a bathroom or hold a baby whilst you pee, unless you particularly want to. Some babies don't like being put down, but others are quite happy lying on their matt bashing a toy. Even if they are grumpy, then 2 mins in their cot whilst you pee won't harm. Make the most of it now, as soon you won't be able to leave them, and they'll pull up on you mid pee!!

• the floor is the safest place for everything as they can't fall off it.

• don't panic. I've accidentally gone out without my baby bag before. The world didn't end. If you've forgotten wipes, you can use loo roll and water, or buy more. You can just hold off on a wet nappy, and lots of places sell nappies. Basically, try to be prepared, but don't stress about it. Except for food. If bottle feeding, always err on the side of caution.

• remember, all animals have babies, and most of them make perfectly good parents without manuals, or asking advice, or stressing about stuff and if they see doing a good enough job. If a mouse can do it, then why doubt yourself?

@Blueskyrain can you share your early routine? I'd like to try and make the most of the natural routine we seem to be forming and I'm open for ideas!

@MissClarke86 I said

Baby groups and classes will not benefit your newborn baby what so ever in any way shape or form.

'Newborn babies'. No mention of any classes benefiting/not benefiting the parent. I know that baby groups can help people with PND, mental health issues and making friends. But they CANNOT help babies, like I said.

MajestyRoyale

Yes that’s true.

It was these three comments I wanted to counter balance really:

*They do not have 'little Einstein's' they have too much time on their hands.

You don't need to be out of the house by 9am every morning to meet other mums and their babies so you can drink cheap coffee and compare milestones.

Do not stress yourself out by trying to keep up with other people who do 19 groups per week and swimming classes and baby sign language classes.*

As they all seemed quite derogatory comments to those of us who enjoy groups, classes and morning coffee.
I did all of those things and don’t class myself as “having too much time on my hands”. I didn’t want the OP or other new mums to think those classes don’t have value and are full of show-off mums as I didn’t meet a single person like that and found great value.

Always keep a changing mat and a box of changing supplies downstairs as well as upstairs. When you have a newborn who needs a nappy change every couple of hours, it can get annoying walking up and down the stairs all the time.
Also keep a couple of changes of clothes and loads of muslins downstairs, that way if you have to deal with sick covered clothes or a poonami you have everything within reach.
Babies don't need to be in jeans, fancy tops, dresses etc. all the time. Sleepsuits are brilliant as they are easy to get on and off (poppers down the front), plus they look so cute in them.
I have found adult incontinence mats really handy for nappy changing. I put them on top of the changing mat. They absorb any accidental wees when changing the nappy, aren't as cold as the plastic changing mats, and if they do get dirty with poo or wee, you can just throw them away without having to clean off the changing mat. I also find them handy when going out as they are bigger than travel changing mats and don't take up as much room in a changing bag. I bought a load in bulk from amazon when DS was 2w and we've still got loads left and he's now 10mo.
Finally, when they are a newborn, if their clothes are clean, don't bother changing their outfit for bed/ in the morning. My DS suffers from reflux, and would go through lots of outfit changes every day. When we got up in the morning, if his clothes were still clean from the night before I would keep him in that outfit. He was just going to get in dirty a few hours later anyway.

great advice here so far

scarfs are a must have for when out and about. I have several light weight pashmina type scarfs and tend to fling one on when I leave the house. they are great for hiding sick and dribble stains and any leaky patches. also handy to take off in case of major accident. I once got completely covered in an explosive poo whilst out but the majority of it was caught by the scarf so off it came and I was then presentable enough to make it home. can also double up as a feeding cover or spare blanket for baby if needed.

Figment I read that as charging mat. DS definitely didn’t need one of those he was on full power mode for about 24 hours a day!

MissClarke I’m another that found groups useful. My DH worked very long hours and my DS hardly slept. Often the only bit of the day that kept me sane was going to a group and spending time with some other Mums. I appreciate it’s not for everyone but I don’t think it helps anyone by criticising other Mums choices.

Another tip, if you have a boy have a muslin to put over their willy as soon as you st,e the nappy off. Often boys wee as soon as it comes off. I realised this was the way to go after DS peed in my mouth

I’m another one who needed to be out of the house, drinking cheap coffee and wasting money on activities ;) it was not for him, it was for me! I had no pretence over who was benefiting from the activity. He benefited by not having a weeping mother all the time. Being a winter baby, the days felt short as the nights closed in. I needed to be out of the house. In fact, I knew things were getting better the day I put him in the sling and thought ‘maybe I can stay in today’.

You may have a sicky baby. Muslins are great.

Use help - I went to a number of breastfeeding groups whilst trying to figure out what was up with my boy. There is a secret network of mums that appear when you send out the new mum bat signal I found. I decided to blurt about how I was finding things and the support in person and online was very valuable.

Tell people to bring you food when they visit, if they ask if you need anything. Stockpile freezer meals too, but easy food is great.

It’s ok for baby to cry a little bit if you need to get dressed/ use the loo. We’re also guilty of the first timer classic: you don’t have to interact with your baby all the time. Sometimes they’re quite happy to lie and burble themselves.

My Mums advice: it’s an unreasonable situation. Remember that you and your partner are both in an unreasonable situation, and try to be reasonable (but don’t worry if you find yourself going slightly odd. That’s normal)

My grandmas advice: move the clothes and not the baby! :)

In the early days of breastfeeding, I made up a box which held bottles of water, snacks, books, phone charger, infacol, muslins and the television remote as I never knew how long I was going to be stuck there!

I just thought of another one - put socks on outside of trousers. My DS is constantly pulling them off, but if they go over the trousers it makes it harder (but not impossible) for him to get them off.

Gro bags, little sleeping bags with arm and head holes are a great idea for wriggly babies who kick their blankets off and wake up because they're cold.

Also helped ds feel secure when he was too big to be swaddled (which he absolutely adored) but too little to fall asleep easily on his own.