Tips for first time mums!

[cheshiremama89]

5 weeks in and fumbling through!

It's incredibly obvious but I finally figured out a small "win" about a fortnight ago...

To change DS nappy before each feed, that way if he falls asleep I know he is as clean as he can be.

I was hoping my mum would have told me things like this but hasn't, I feel like I'm learning on the go and not always doing it "right".

Does anyone have any other tips? They can be very obvious as I am a total amateur

Congratulations [Flowers]

Listen to all the advice, nod, and then feel free to ignore it all if you wish. I got so much conflicting advice from so many people of differing ages, it was just confusing. And some of it was plain dangerous.

Don't assume health visitors are always right either. Most are very good but if your instinct is telling you something is wrong, go to your GP. Instinct exists for a reason, and a good GP would far rather you checked if you are worried.

Oh and buy a baby thermometer before you need it. Don't do what I did and wait until sick baby & 3am.

Crawling babies & cat flaps don't mix.

Use a dummy from the start

Most of these are great, and things I wished I'd known.

Also, don't expect to be 'a natural', whatever that is. It's ok to not know things, it's ok to ask for help, it's ok to get little things wrong sometimes.
Don't expect to enjoy every second - some days will be shit.

And it's more than ok to do things differently to others, without thinking your way is better or worse.

One Mum in my NCT group was Miss Routine - had a great daily routine nailed from early on, and it made her feel totally in control. I was jealous as hell that at 2pm her son would nap, in his cot, without fail. BUT, I knew that my life, and the way I liked to go things, wouldn't suit such a strict routine. It meant I had my own battles, but also my own triumphs and successes.

At 6 weeks do you think I should be bathing him daily?

We did, just because he really relaxed in the water and we found it a pleasant thing to do. We just used warm water with a drop or two of oil in - you don’t need soap at that age.

But you don’t have to. Be aware of creases if you have them (ds was a scrawny baby and never did.)

And re: baby groups - do or do not, whatever suits you. I would have had to travel into the city to do any, on buses that don’t take buggies a lot of the time and frankly forced socialisation is my idea of hell.
But other people enjoy them, and still others find them essential for their sanity.
I do know a couple of people who are really odd about baby groups but most people just do it if they enjoy it.

Remember when people start with the should statements you get skeptical ;) there are only a few absolute shoulds - safety, warmth, appropriate medical care access, love, etc. Most of the rest is opinion.

Remember when people start with the should statements you get skeptical ;) there are only a few absolute shoulds - safety, warmth, appropriate medical care access, love, etc. Most of the rest is opinion. Totally agree but can I add feeding them? Mine seemed really keen on being fed and seemed to get a bit upset if they were hungry

Ah yes, I forgot about the incontinence mats! We use puppy training pads on our changing mat. When ds got nappy rash and we wanted to leave him naked after baths etc we put a pad on our bed and let him lay on that.

In that vein, nappy rash can be really painful for baby. Metanium is awesome, and you can get it free on prescription, direct from the pharmacist under the minor ailments scheme. But the best thing we found is plenty of time with the nappy off.

spugzbunny, we started off by just doing night and day very differently. Day was bright, loud, interaction between naps etc, but night was dark, and snuggly and quiet. From treating the two differently, we found she treated them differently from just a few days old. She'd feed the same frequency, but nights were straight back to sleep, whereas days had wakeful (brief) periods.

Except for a few nights where either we've been out with her or handful where she wasn't happy, she's gone down in the evening - in her moses basket/beanbag in the lounge, then our room in the evenings, then her own room.

By about 6 weeks, we noticed she'd go into night sleepy mode about the same time (7-8), and then we'd wake her for a feed about 11, and then she'd wake once for food about 4-5, the get up 8-9 for the day. Barring a few off weeks here and there (sleep regressions, teething etc) and, illness etc, she stuck to the exact same pattern (though bed about 8ish) until 8.5 months. The wake to feed about 11 eventually turned into a dream feed, and in the past few weeks, the night feed has been dropped most of the time.

Things that have helped put her down are (1) sleepsuits only for sleep - they are not a sleep cue in themselves (2) specific sleep music to go to bed with (3) warming the cot first for easy transfer. Oh, until five months swaddling. I can't speak highly enough of swaddling. It was like a miracle sleep thing for her. Put her in it and she'd get sleepy. From 7 weeks- 4 months, she was regularly doing 7hr stretches when swaddled.

Totally agree but can I add feeding them?

You know when I wrote that I thought ‘I’m missing something here. Never mind. Seems comprehensive.’

feeding: definitely a should

They can live in babygrows for the first 6 months; no need to fiddle with size 0-1 socks and trousers

And it gets easier!

Agree with pretty much everything said already, all I can say is if you and your baby are happy, whatever you're doing must be right. I'm 4.5 months in with my first and looking back now there are loads of things I wish I hadn't wasted my time worrying about (hindsight is a wonderful thing!)

Also, it's fine to admit it's hard/boring/crap sometimes - as a new Mum you often feel like you shouldn't ever say that but you can, and you'll probably find that someone else will be having a tough day too.

Congratulations, I'm sure you're doing an amazing job 😊

I’ve thought of another one

SOCK-ONS! Not really needed until they wear less sleepsuits and more proper clothes but they are INVALUABLE. They’re little elasticated things that go over socks to keep them on. I have about a million.

Babies don't just sleep when they're tired. They look tired when they're overtired and it's too late.

When they've been awake for an hour, work on getting them back to sleep again and they'll be happier for it when they wake up.

Most people go into parenting with all kinds of ideas about how they want to parent. But it's not entirely your decision. You will have to work around factors like what your child needs and what you and other adults in your kid's life are capable of doing.

I wanted to have a natural (though medicated) birth and exclusively breastfeed DD. I ended up having an emergency C-section, she got stuck, and she wasn't breathing when she came out (she's 5.5 and fine now). She had trouble getting the hang of breastfeeding, and I had to supplement with formula. I had to learn real quick that when her needs and my desires to parent a certain way were in conflict, it was my desires that had to give. What your child needs is more important than what you want or what other people will think.

Related to this, lots of people with no children have all kinds of advice on how to deal with some child-related problem. Unless they have an advanced degree in child development or medicine or something like that, they have NO IDEA what they are talking about. I was SURE of how to prevent picky eating before I had DD. Now she's a picky eater. I had NO clue. I still have no clue.

There doesn't seem to be one best practice that will work with all parents and kids for a lot of aspects of parenting. Or, if there is, we haven't figured out what it is. About the best that you can do is find something that will work for you, your family, and your kid.

Lots of new parents want to stock up on all kinds of stuff (nappies, clothes, etc) before the baby comes, or before the baby needs it. Don't do this. Buy a SMALL quantity of whatever it is when you need it, and see if it works for you and your child. If it does, THEN you can stock up.

Buy clothes secondhand. Babies don't care, and you get more clothes for your money. This means that you can put off doing laundry for longer.

Everything takes longer than you think it will with a baby or small child. It just does. You'll get less done during the day when you're with your baby or child than you think you will. That's just the way it is.

Don't compare your baby to other babies. Either your baby will be doing less well than theirs, or they'll be doing better. In the former case, you make yourself miserable for likely no reason. In the latter, you might be a smug a-hole. Neither is good. There is a lot of variation in development, and most of it isn't a problem.

Oh, and if you wear anything that is not machine washable around your baby, or, even worse, buy something that is not machine washable for your baby, you're mad.

Have several sets of sheets for the baby's bed and for your bed. Buy LOTS of towels. Quantity is more important than quality. The cheap ones that are aimed at university students are what you want here.

I don’t have any tips as such but would always say trust your instinct. I didn’t understand what people said that to me pre-ds but now I totally get it!

you'll be able to pee without having to hold a squirming baby.
People seriously try to use the loo while holding a baby?? Must be crazy.
My tip, 40 years down the line, is to lose all the books, all they do is inflate your expectations of perfection, and go with your instincts. I honestly think that today's mothers overthink things, it's not really so difficult unless you make it so unless your baby is genuinely sick.

I honestly can't understand this obsession with never putting a baby down, it's a fairly new fad, we had a springy bouncing chair which both ours loved, except number one would press down on the back and catapult number 2 out of it. They've survived.

I think the thing about new babies is that you forget a lot of it. That certainly seems to be the case from some of the advice I’ve had. Probably to enable you to have more if you choose. So @tillytrotter1, you had babies that would be put down. Some people don’t. I don’t think it’s such a modern obsession as ... different babies, different parents.

And while I’m at it: I did find it difficult the first few weeks. It’s boring, demanding and emotionally consuming. I wasn’t expecting perfection of myself, what did a number on me was the total dependency plus c section recovery plus hormones. The adjustment is difficult for some people. I think people forget this though!

reetgood, no bad idea come with actual velcro attached. All babies can be put down, the question is whether or not they cry when you do, and whether you are OK with that.

The modern obsession is making sure that babies never cry. I hate my baby crying, but putting them down for literally a minute to pee isn't going to harm anyone.

Funnily, once people have more than one baby, they don't have a choice a lot of the time, and it's not as if second etc babies end up somehow emotionally stunted because occasionally they had to wait.

My tips:

I agree that Mummy knows best. I've had a couple of doctors give me advice that turned out wrong. A mothers instincts trump all IMO.

You can't give a baby and child too much love but don't mollycoddle them. All the people I know who have issues with their DC are those who mollycoddled them.

Your baby doesn't need loads of stuff. Don't spend money on loads of clothes and the latest baby toys. Household items like a wooden spoon on a saucepan and a tupperware container filled with rice (secured so doesn't open) to shake will highly amuse your baby rather than forking out £££ in BabiesRus.

Listen to your friends, your parents and read a couple of books then make your own mind up. Don't do things just because women in your baby group are all doing it.

There are things you need to make an effort in when your DC is a baby. Don't get stressed over them, but they are important and will lead to an easy life when your DC is older. If your baby sleeps and eats well then your life will be a lot easier all round believe me. These are the things you need to focus your efforts on. All else will fall into place if you get this right.

Start up a bank account for your baby. Put a little bit in every month. By the time they are 18/21 they will have something to help them with their future.

A big cushion in bed is invaluable. Prop baby up on it while cuddling or playing, support your elbow on it while feeding, stuff it under your tummy for comfort while you're still healing, use it as a barrier so one person can sleep while the other is holding the baby, etc. It doesn't have to be a special baby cushion - mine is an ordinary oblong cushion from Ikea.

Agree to lots said!!

Re baby groups - someone told me to get out everyday. However, it's ok to have some days in the house and watch box sets/pig out/feel gross but cuddle baby all day. I felt so pressured to attend every baby group under the sun because the nct lot were, and quite frankly I found sometimes getting out was more stressful. I almost couldn't wait to get back. Pace yourself. Do 1-2 groups a week not 7!

Bath thermometers...pointless. Use elbow and common sense.

Gro egg. Pointless. We have a thermostat up and downstairs, and also a good sense of how hot/cold it is. I used to panic it was 20.1 degrees and actually I just needed to be chill and sensible! It made me neurotic!!!

Scratch mitts are pointless. They never stayed on so built in baby grows with Fold over mitts are the best. Or a pair of socks as gloves!!