Calling all MNers with large families....who work.

[mozhe]

We are expecting our 6th baby in october....all of them will be under 8. We are pretty well organised now, and have a marvellous nanny,( whose been with us since day 1 with our first ), and we will be having a maternity nanny too for the first 6-8 weeks. I usually go back to work at the 8-12 week stage part time and build it up to fulltime from there, but this time am thinking of doing it a bit differently. One MNer who posts regularly,( and speaks a lot of sense imo ), recommends going back much earlier at the 2 week point...I 'm seriously wondering about doing this as I think it would really help me establish a routine quicker. I live in France and work as an academic at the moment.I still breasfeed my twin daughters aged nearly one. Has anyone else tried this ? I'm genuinely interested in other peoples' experiences.

I'm still trying to figure out how one exclusively breastfeeds and goes back to work after 2 weeks.

They just want to feed constantly around that time . . .

Actually I think Xenia made some very good points.

'It said that french women were as a 'population' very unhappy with their lot.

Too bothered about appearances etc and actually envious of british women and our open and honest relationships with one another. '

LOL! I have lived in France.

Believe you me, I never met a one who was jealous of British women!

that is what the report said.

They were envious of the intimate female relationships we had and more and more women were suffering long term unhappiness because of this
Also had a chef on saying french cooking was shit now and they had sat on their laurels for years and now were bottom of the heap but with inflated ideas of how good they were!

Baby in a pram in the garden. I did it. My mum did it. My mil did it. So did lots of other people I know. It was recommended by the midwife with my first baby. The fresh air was good for them.
I also think Xenia has made some good points.

Well, I agree with the cooking part.

I think Xenia brings up some very valid points, however, such as:

'It only becoimes the normal time for those lucky people who can live on the £112 a week maternity pay. Lots of people struggle once the 6 weeks at 90% pay is up. '

VERY true, for many women, although it doesn't appear to be the norm on MN.

yeah i am sure she has but if your best mate said she was leaving a baby at 2 weeks old to go back to work you would balk with the best of em

( sorry that was to juule)

expat - I think xenia already said that she expressed for her older children. I presume the baby was bottlefed with breast milk when she was at work.

It's quite easy to bf a small baby exclusively while working too if you have a job where you're sitting down a lot. Say at a computer, with a bit of practice you can type away with baby snuggly cuddled in between your arms and feeding.

(lots of full time at home mumsnetters must have learnt this skill too, as well as the working ones ).

Yes, I read that juule, but I still don't see how that would be possible because you'd be expressing a lot or the supply would drop.

'yeah i am sure she has but if your best mate said she was leaving a baby at 2 weeks old to go back to work you would balk with the best of em '

I wouldn't. Because in the US where I came from, this is very common as there is no requirement for paid maternity leave there.

Yes, but fennel, that would require the baby being with you and not w/a nanny or maternity nurse.

I dunno.

My mother was always up to something either in or out of the house when i was young - parenting did not appear to be a part of that something

so maybe i am wrong and its all about what you do when you are there

still think iam right

On the French women issue - many years ago now I remember a Canadian girlfriend saying to me about her French female work colleagues that "they were not bonded to anyone". And there is definitely some truth in that. French people are "bonded" in a very different way to the British, and family relationships and friendships are based on other values and considerations. The blood bond is considered far more important than the emotional bond, for example (inheritance and marriage laws are illustrative of this).

Yes, I am used to this as well, Anna, being from a Mexican-American culture and having a French grandmother.

My French grandmother was an orphan, but when she married my grandfather, who was the 4th of 15 children, she said she felt she finally had the 'bonds' she craved all her life and socialised mainly with my grandfather's kindred.

Sometimes I am struck by how much English women can put their friends above their kin.

Again, a cultural difference, I suppose, but I count my sister and my many cousins are friends and spent my childhood 'hanging out' mostly with people who were also relatives.

i would be a very lonely person if i did not have the closeness of my female friends who have repaired the scars of a deeply dysfunctional family

Yes, I suppose if you had a dysfunctional family this would be a factor.

On the whole, I find families more isolated here, though.

Not sure why this is.

Just an observation, though.

Xenia I seriously worry about your mental health

there is sanity on this board!!! Thankyou Enid !

I'm wondering what people mean by,' being around for your newborn ' ? In the same room / building,( like Xenia ? in which case why are people so hostile to her returning to her work in another room at 2 weeks ? ). in the child's life ? As far as I'm aware I'm ' around ' for my children 24/7...myself and dh organise every single thing they need, I provide breastmilk/love/care/nurturing/money etc etc AND also a lot of actual time..7.30pm to 7.30am. Most women around the world combine mothering with work, it is not unusual...what is, is the way some affluent,( relatively speaking ), western women have turned parenting into something akin to a full time job.

there whilst they are asleep

Enid why are you worried about Xenia's mental health ? She sounds like a very well balanced person to me and her children have a good role model too

Not just there when they're asleep, there for bathtime, stories, breakfast, in the night if they wake.

I'm not saying it would be right for everyone (I've been lucky enough always to work part time), but I agree that some people seem to make staying at home with children a full time job when the reality of it is that a lot of SAHMs seem to spend half the time hanging out having coffee with their friends, going to the park etc which is lovely for them and their kids, but is not a JOB! It's what I do on my days off.

many children,( especially british...), go to bed unnaturally early and on their own...mine don't. We sleep with or very near to our children until they decide to move away,( not yet in the case of our 6 year old who still sleeps in our room, and yet our twins sleep together in a cot in another room already ),and they usually go to bed when we do...so plenty of time to spend together . Happily in France children encouraged to nap in afternoons,( the twins sleep for 3.5 hours every afternoon whilst I am at work ), and we all get up early and go for a swim togetherbefore work/school/nursery...There are different patterns to follow you know, that allow for work/play/family life...