Calling all MNers with large families....who work.

[mozhe]

We are expecting our 6th baby in october....all of them will be under 8. We are pretty well organised now, and have a marvellous nanny,( whose been with us since day 1 with our first ), and we will be having a maternity nanny too for the first 6-8 weeks. I usually go back to work at the 8-12 week stage part time and build it up to fulltime from there, but this time am thinking of doing it a bit differently. One MNer who posts regularly,( and speaks a lot of sense imo ), recommends going back much earlier at the 2 week point...I 'm seriously wondering about doing this as I think it would really help me establish a routine quicker. I live in France and work as an academic at the moment.I still breasfeed my twin daughters aged nearly one. Has anyone else tried this ? I'm genuinely interested in other peoples' experiences.

I think you're best going back in the week afterthe baby is born. That will help you carry on as normal.

No you cannot come back to the workplace,( in France at least, not sure about UK ), before 2 weeks due to insurance or some such..
When did you go back moondog ? Do you have experience of going back very early /

I expect moondog is perhaps being sarcastic

Well perhaps just MNers who actually want to share experiences could post ? Moondog can just go to bed...

maybe moondog was thinkinhg of your baby

most probably

lol mozhe I don't think many do this. I do think you miss out on a lot but if work is flexible and hours are short and nanny is good....
What is your commute like? Are you returning to UK? Don't know whether under French law you could stagger/spread mat leave.
I did think that the mner in question worked from home so breastfeeding etc easier that way. (I could be wrong)
Sorry 1 handed typing and random thoughts.
Congrats on the baby

'Normally' i work as a hospital doctor, but am having an 18 month sabbatical at a french university in an academic post,( pretty much 9-5, about 30 minutes commute, we're due back in Uk,( and back to doctoring in july 08 ).
MNer who did v.early return was commuting too as I recall,( xenia ?). I don't think I'm missing out nor the baby...ime it's quality not quantity.

sorry was loling at the moondog going to bed bit not trying to criticise. just 'asking' some questions that might crystalise your thoughts so to speak (and trying to minimise typing at same time). I'm pretty sure I read some comments from Xenia about nanny bringing baby while she was feeding (but ?have also read about her cycling to work with dc so who knows.) I'm sure she'll find this in the morning.
I agree with quality not quantity but still think if you are away for 1/3 of childs life you will miss 1/3 of 'things' could argue more when older due to sleeping! talternatively there is the pov that says the first time you see it is the first time they do it.
I guess you also need to considr what you are trying toachieve whilst in France/how mat leave wll impact on it and whether you could extend sabbtical etc. It sounds like you have the early days well covered which is what I was heading to with the staggered mat leave bit eg would you prefer to work 4 days a week?
I do think 9-5 5 days a week away from you baby at 2 weeks old is a lot at an early age (but not judging if that's what you decide t do) Do you know any Americans with children? Could maybe discuss with them, more common to go back early there (but again8-12 weeks I thought)

Also I wonder if perhaps I've misread post it sounds like you have decidedthat's what you want to do rather than wanting to discuss whether to do it or not Sorry I'll go now!!

I think moondog might have been sarky having not recognised you name around. After all, your situation is far from atypical and I admire for you're comittement to your're career. I think ou will have a hoj feeding twins and your newborn absently and it is unlikely you will find experience of such.

I'd take a bit more time off precisely UNTIL the baby is in a routine, then go back at 3 months earliest. I only have one kid so can't say I'm experienced in this, went back when he was 3 months with nanny, and has been great, as manage to express at work and have regular hours, but if you're intending to breastfeed it's just not realistic to go back too soon. Also you must consider your own recovery time and not try and do too much; after all your body takes a big hit and however easy the birth you need time to recover.

It's a very short time in the scheme of things that they're so tiny, I would really take that time off to be a bit primal and just breastfeed, then go back afterwards. Also, if you have already successfully managed with 5 plus job, I"m sure you just need to have a quiet think with DH/DP and you'll come to the right decision to cope with this one too.

best of luck!

Depending on how quickly your recover from the birth surely just continue whatever you are doing now. After my 9th baby I was back doing the school run and everything else by the end of the week. Not quite the same situation as you, I know, as I had baby with me and could bf on demand so I don't know how you would do the feeding. Unless you expressed and left milk for the nanny. What did you do with your twins? Normally takes me at least 2 weeks to get bf-ing established.
Bf-ing aside, as long as you feel well, have someone who will care for your baby, I don't see why you couldn't go back at 2weeks if you feel that strongly about it.

Having said that I've just realised your twins are only 1yo. When I had 3 in 2.5y, one didn't sleep and I was absolutely shattered/drained. Do you get up with the babies in the night? You might find you're exhausted.

How does your nanny feel about looking after all 6 children, with the youngest only being a few weeks old? Have you considered getting 2 nannies?

What time will you be out of the house and what time will you be back? Basically how long will she be expected to look after the children on her own? Looking after 6 children is much harder than 3 obviously so wouldn't expect her to work as long hours.

Bumping for xenia

Why would you want (sounds like you don't need/have to) to leave a 2 week old baby - physically, emotionally etc?

Congratulations. I think I've stopped at 5.

Lots of typical judgmental comments on this thread from you lot which you'd never apply to your sainted husbands I suppose who are back at work after 2 weeks. Sexist to the core.

If you have a nanny then it helps routine to get back sooner and you're not under her feet and it's more peaceful at work. But you need to do as you choose. I was happier working (and financially that's better too) and some women and men would rather be home. In some sense it's less of a shock for a baby - if you're used to a mother and nanny for a short few weeks there's not a huge emotional wrench that many parents subject 1 year olds to when they return to work so psychologically I think there's a good case for going back sooner.

please

Well I wouldn't be making any firm plans to return too quickly as even if your previous births have been a piece of cake there are no guarantees. My main concern would be whether you have enough cover in place - great to have the maternity nurse around, but you're placing an awful lot onto the shoulders of one nanny - 3 under2s would be challenge enough.

As for the pros and cons regarding going back at 2 weeks, the main pro for me would be continuity at work, but if you were able to take the time out for a sabbatical (and presumably some maternity leave with the twins), is it quite so essential? Xenia was at a relatively early stage in her career iirc. I think the thought that it is easier for you to get into a routine is a bit of a red herring tbh. No routine for your family can be set in stone with 3 children that young - their needs change so quickly. You will make the necessary adaptations whenever you return to work whether that is 2 weeks, 12 weeks or a year later.

Given the time of year that you are due I would personally wait until after Christmas before going back to work. It is a busy enough time of year anyway, and by being on leave you can at least join in the various activities of the older children in terms of nativity plays etc.

You know that you will get slated on this site for such a question, especially with maternity leave policies in the UK going in the direction that they are. If you want to find people who have been down this route then I suggest that you search out some of the American parenting sites as US maternity leave still seems to be fairly non-existent.

Absolutely sexist, Xenia. As sexist as women having the babies.

too true ceolas

Yes, women have babies but they can if they choose go back to work at 2 weeks. Their choice and women who criticise them for that are free to do so - I'm really glad we live in a country with relatively free speech, but I can't see any harm it did mine and lots of benefits to me and them. As for physically well I found it more restful at a desk than charging around after toddlers and wielding a hoover.

I have a friend who had six and they had nanny and at one stage when the very youngest were little also a live in au pair too which did help a lot. My five is not typical because we had a group of 3, then nearly 10 years off, then 2 more. So it's almost like 2 families and the adult older ones now are almost like 3 au pairs for the youngest 2.

I agree with the poster who said that you probably won't get a very wide range of helpful responses on MN, this being a UK site and UK maternity leave being very long by international standards - reflecting the generally held opinion in the UK that babies and mothers need to spend quite a bit of time together when babies are little.

I live in France and know plenty of women who took no maternity leave at all - ie they were on the telephone to clients from the labour ward and back in court 48 hours after the birth. Why don't you try talking with professional, self-employed French women eg doctors and lawyers, who will have a lot more experience of this than British women?

Also, Xenia, I think if a man had squeezed a 7lb baby through his nostrils, he might have longer than 2 weeks off as well...maybe to help his body get back in some sort of order.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!