MIL moved in

[Hannabee123]

Post natal depression has really kicked me in the nuts. I will clarify before I begin... I have no desire harming my child she is perfect and kept me alive when I went to kill myself.
I'm just so down all the time I'm a mess and feel like a bad parent. I'm under the care of a crisis team and mental health professionals. Here goes..
My daughter is rolling on 9 weeks old. A few weeks ago I tried to kill myself. I had been keeping my mother in law at arms length throughout pregnancy as she kept upsetting me and becoming too overbearing and generally annoying the hell out of me. When I tried to kill myself my mother in law took the opportunity to become the night in shining armour and move into the spare bedroom / baby's future room. She's been living with us for rolling on 4 weeks now.
At first it was great don't get me wrong. Even now I still appreciate some of the help but this is not turning into a negative for me and here's why...
She's started leaving the house a mess, crumbs on the side and plates and stuff about. She will wash bottles but doesn't do alot to help out. Buys the odd bit of shopping but mostly sits cuddling my daughter.
She's been critesising the fact I'm not doing alot to lose weight. Judges what I eat and drink and is 'encouraging' me to lose weight. Slags off the meals I cooked so I've stopped cooking something which I used to enjoy.
She has her foot in the door and slowly takes over with her routines and the way she does things which I don't like. She put a dummy in my daughter's mouth and kept tapping it with her nail!? Kept not giving her medicine for her reflux so she is pukey and uncomfortable because she does not want to medicate her.
She has taken over my daughter at nights and won't give her back. I was happy for the sleep at first but she has my daughter all night long in the spare bedroom and when we tell her to take a night off she refuses.
I feel like I'm under 24 hour surveillance. She is always sitting next to my daughter's Moses basket. MIL went out today and I took my daughter upstairs so she was with me while I put my makeup on and MIL came back and came charging up in to my room looking for her and took her off into her room.
I feel so low. I feel like I'm unable to be a mother. I was happy for the help but now I'm really not. Do I sound ungrateful or unreasonable??
The health visitor had a word with me in private and said she thinks it's fulfilling my mother in laws needs more than mine.
I'm going to talk to my partner tonight bit I have no idea on how to even begin phasing her out of our house she seems too comfortable. It kills me to see my daughter spending more of her life with my MIL than me.
Has anyone had this!? I feel at a loss

Oh Hanna, I am thinking of you, hoping you can feel the strength and love we're sending you.

Thinking of you Hanna, and praying for you and your precious DD. How are you?

It's been a hard day. I went to the solicitor and they said i need to gather things together and gather as many professionals letters as I can to help my case. She said she has never seen anything like this in her history and said the police made a terrible decision letting my child go with them and theybshould have removed me and the child. She said it's extremely awful that a 9 week old baby has been removed from it's mother and if confident of a good outcome it may take weeks though due to courts being backed up.
I have a to do list as long as my arm. Unfortunately he is on the birth certificate but they are hidden at my parents house.
My dad is complaining to services as everyone feels I have been massively let down
The unit is a load of bollocks and won't even happen now. It's just a battle now.

I've been on the phone almost constantly. My ex wanted to meet with me to discuss seeing my child SUPERVISED.
I said I will not meet but spoke on the phone and recorded it. I think he has seeked legal advice and has been told he is on thin ice as he has jurastiallly changed his tune. I may get to see her under supervision but if he will not leave me in the room with a member of the crisis team I will walk away. I'm not a threat to my child I have done nothing wrong and I will not have him in that room as much as it will kill me I will just leave as it is the only very little bonding time I will have. 4th night of being away from her it feels like years.
It feels like someone has died. My.family keep breaking down especially my mum. I keep it together well but at night when I'm alone I cry and I look at her pictures and I feel my heart break. When the morning comes im so busy and determined i pit my focus into it.
I don't want to see her. I don't want to see her because I want it to be when I'm taking her home not for an hour or so.

I hate him. I've never felt so broken I've never seen my family so broken.
I'm still living at my friends locally I will see what happens when I put the information to my solicitor on Wednesday and then probably move back to my parents. I have very little hope seeing much of her until i can legally fuck them over. I will just travel to appointments and try to take each day as it comes.
I'm exhausted but I can't settle myself to sleep as much as I try. I'm missing out on so much I'm missing her so much it's soul destroying

Bless you. I keep looking for your updates.
I think you could be right he realises he's on thin ice. He's an absolute arsehole for letting this happen. Any decent man would have take her to the unit.

Fingers crossed that given her age that they manage to speed up the court process.

I'd also hope his solicitor will purswade him to hand her over.

Oh god, this is heartbreaking, I’m so sorry Hanna. A nine week old baby should be with its mummy. Keep fighting.

@Hanna

I am sorry to ask this but how did you find your solicitor?

Is she a Family Law Solicitor?

Without sounding dismissive, cases like yours happen everyday, I know, it happened to me (not my partner but another family member).

Sorry to not explain what happened but I cannot think about it, let alone talk about what happened.

The point I am trying to make is that even if a Family Law solicitor has not personally dealt with a case like this then they should have at least heard about one through their colleagues and the like.

The fact that your solicitor seems so shocked by what has happened to you, is deeply worrying me especially with regards to whether she really is the right person to advise you on what to do.

Please get some more legal advice, speak to the CAB, anything but you need to get a court date ASAP for a hearing.

Hanna you’re doing brilliantly. You sound so strong and focused - and certainly nothing like the jibbering wreck you’ve been led to believe you are.

You should be bloody proud of yourself

Have a look at this as it will explain the situation very simply - www.separateddads.co.uk/what-happens-if-ex-keeps-children-without-consent.html

(It does explain it with the roles reversed to your situation but the advice is the same whether or mother or father is the one that is being denied access to their child, as long as they both have PR)

Oh hanna im so sorry your going through this :( my heartbreaks for you xxx

Hanna if you refuse to see her for a supervised contact can that be used against you in the future? Don't do anything that they might be able to throw back in your face at a later date.

If you see her supervised, what is to stop you refusing to let her go? Nobody can wrestle her out of your arms & if they try you call the Police because you've been assaulted.

This may we'll be terrible advice but I am so angry for you. They are awful people to have done this to you.

Did your Solicitoe mention emergency court hearings? Surely your circumstances should allow you to be allocated one?

You are doing amazingly well, hope you get her back soon.

Up thread, someone mentioned getting a passport for her, if you can its a good idea as I get the impressions they are not English nationals and you don't want to run the risk of her being taken to another country. Its actually not too difficult to get a certified replacement birth certificate.

Ignore me, it's probably fat bwttervyiu listen to your solicitor! I would ask about an emergency hearing though.

Thinking of you Hanna. Stay strong and you will get there. I suspect you solicitor is shocked by the amount of evidence you have and also the behaviour of you MIL and partner.

I do wonder though whether a short visit to your baby with your family for support could end very well for you.....

Good point about passports.

You should contact the Passport Office and tell them the situation and see if they cando anything about not giving the father a passport for the baby until the case hasbeen to court.

As it stands, the father is currently legally entitled to get a passport for the baby without the mother's consent.

Hanna I hope you get some decent progress with this today.
I wonder if Persiancatlady has a point that your solicitor may not have the experience you need in family law. I'm surprised they didn't mention emergency court hearing.
Hope you get some progress today. Keep strong. Your family and all of us are behind you.

AvoidingDM
You are right the OP needs go get an Emergency Court Hearing ASAP.

I am thinking that it might be a good idea to go down to the County Court and ask for help.

The relevant law is the Children Act 1989 and you need to ask about a Child Arrangements Order

I really feel for you. I hope this solicitor isn't the one your parents have used for business purposes.

Woman's Aid should be able to recommend somebody who specialises in Family stuff because this isn't just your usual access, and maintainence disputes.

Sending you strength, OP.

You will get her back and one day this horrible time will be a distant memory.
You will have a happy life with your daughter, never forget that, even if things look very dark at the moment.

It‘s an utter disgrace that you have to fight for your child.

Yes you definitely need an experienced solicitor.

And you need to take every opportunity to see your DD supervised or not. It will be good for you. It will be good for HER. You are her mum. She needs you. But most of all you need to be seen to do everything you can to put her well being first. Your partner and his mum are obviously not doing so much as they will maintain that they are. You need to be seen as the calm level headed one in this. Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face by refusing his offer. Be seen to be doing everything and anything to see her. And stay local if you can. Keep pushing for the unit. If your partner and his mother are saying they are worried about your mental health you pushing for the unit is the logical route I would have thought.

If the solicitor thinks the police should have removed the baby back to you is it worth trying that again? With the solicitor to talk to th police?

As others have suggested you can get an emergency court hearing. Don’t listen to courts being backed up. You need this sorted ASAP.

I do remember someone on here was advised to go down to the court once and fill in certain forms there and as far as I recall she got help there and the outcome she wanted. I can’t remember the full details unfortunately.

I know it’s difficult to see her with him or her there, but please don’t refuse to see her.
As others have said it will be good for her and amazing for you. Text and say you need to see her this morning however that happens, it’s recorded.
Even though it hurts, refusing to see her when he has offered access will go in his favour that you refused to see your baby.
See her this morning and ask again for this afternoon, then again this evening. Spend as much time as you can with her. You might get the opportunity to leave with her as well.

That's a really good suggestion to see if you can prevent a passport being issued. I have the fear Mil is going to want to take LO to Poland.

You need to do everything you can to get this into court this week. Speak with the court yourself, try the police/ SW again, solicitor can't be allowed to sit on this.