"How to talk so kdis will listenand listen so kids will talk" - anyone want to go trhough this book?

[Porcupine]

and see hwat we think of it?

Its wuite heavy reading( not intellectually) just very close set type and lots of americna egs
But i reckon we cna do it.

so you are supposed to say

'hmm'

'that must make you feel ver XXXXX'

'wouldn;'t it be wonderful if you could just YYYYYYY'

'Now shut up and get in the shopping trolly'

'look the dwarves are laughing at you'

Is that it?

Still cannot locate dwarves. Fell that I am being subtly disadvantaged in this method of child rearing

hmm I don't really get the fantasy thing either

DD: I don't WANT to clear the table
ME: Imagine if we didn't clear the table and rats moved in and ate us all up in the middle of the night!
DD:

You're not really supposed to parrot back word for word, you're just supposed to show that you're listening and repeat back in another way.

e.g. ds: "my teacher yelled at me"
me: "oh, mrs x was cross with you today?"
ds: "yes, and it wasn't even my fault."
me: "you feel she's been unfair."

etc

For the fantasy: "you wish mrs x wasn't grumpy with you all the time."

mb and rubber duck
go to top of class
okt he dwarves are dbinned now
you lto are STUCK ON CHAPTER ONE moev on ononoon

[Sharpens pencil, straightens paper. Rules margin down left-hand side of page.)

Miss, I couldn't make it today but am catching up. Children are being strangely reasonable so have failed to do any fieldwork.

Other people on this thread are funnier, but NOBODY TRIES HARDER.

am pmsl at some of these mummy/child convos - This thread should be up for an award

Oh, this has made me laugh. I am still stuck on Chapter 1 too, and am very confused by the not saying 'no' bit. I always do that and they just say "Does that mean no, then?".

DS1: "I haven't had time to go on the computer today"
Me: "Mmmm"
DS1: "Mummeeeeee....I haven't had time to go on the computer today"
Me: "Yes, you must be disappointed, but you've been busy with other things"
DS1: "When can I go on the computer?"
Me: "Wouldn't it be great if there were 36 hours in a day, instead of just 24? Then you could fit everything in"
DS1: "What are you talking about?"

I love this thread, I wonder how effective it is with teens and OHs? It's made me laugh out loud several times

I shall try it and let you know.. might be a while cos they're all away til tuesday

blisssssssssssss

singers girl you are being too vague
you coudl haev rpesented a time int he second sentence

god that was a really serious anwer.

The recognising children's emotions convos work a lot less well if you are rushed for time, IME. Many times nothing but clear quick fire orders will do. Then you have the chats about feeling and emotions at bedtime.

Thinking about my sons, the talking about emotions bit can be a real gift to them as they are natural procrastinators and want to chat, not get on with stuff.

OK I have never read the book!

agree with morningpaper about the tone. I tend to sound menacing I repeat things back, especially if I am getting stressed.

DS: this! this! this! play! play! (pointing frantically at the park with his favourite slide in it as we whip past in the car late for tea and overtired)

ME: We're going home for tea now, I know you're disappointed but we'll come back and play another time (hmm, not quite there I don't think)

DS: WAAAAAAAA! Where's Daddy?? Want Daddy!

ME: I'm sorry you're upset sweetie, we're going home to have stories now (fave thing, usually works like a charm)

DS: Mummy...sorry....NO !!!!

I think I missed a bit of empathy then failed on the stating problem bit before falling flat on my face at the giving choices part.
Sigh. Should I have just said "but we need to go home for tea now" in order to flummox him? I think he would have said "Tea! No! No!".

Skulks off back to the drawing board.

Problems with tone best met by adopting american accent imo. This also temporarily throws them, and they forget what it was they were having a strop about. Good to keep everyone on the edge I think during this experiment.
But y'know what? This stuff really works. We're having a ball here. Morning example:

Me Your bedroom is not tidy. I can see toys everywhere.
DD3 Shall I tidy it then?

Wow. Also this:

Me We need to go to the supermarket this morning.
DS2 No way.
Me If we don't go there will be food next week, and if I have to go in the week then I can't work, then there won't be any food nor any money and we won't be able to stay in our house.
DS2 Okay then.

I like this. I find these kind of apocalyptic consequences work best.

kitbit - you're being too reasonable. You need to freak them out a bit more. So during tantrum in back of car you echo and say 'You want to go to the park', then you say, 'You'd like to go to the park and play there until next week. Wouldn't that be great?' then you say 'You're screaming and shouting and kicking the back of my seat because you want to go, but you'll stop soon because I'm being so weird.'

lol@ apocalyptic

pleas emove on from chapter one
h"as anyone tried how tosay y no wihtout saying no?"

No. I mean - this problem hasn't yet arisen. Though actually now I think of it, in the supermarket DS2 wanted something in the trolley (see still sticking with the trolley) and I said 'it'll rot your teeth' and that worked. Does it count?
Also am moving on from chapter one, but like all best converts am carrying its message with me.

ok.. it doesn't work on teens

We're all dressed and redy to go out for breakfast and then shopping. DD is home for the weekend.

DD16 - I can't go out til I've had a bath I need to shave my legs
Me - hmmm uh huh
DD - Muuuuuuuuuuuuummmm!!
me - it must be very frustrating for you to have hairy legs when we need to go out asap because we're meeting grandma at the cafe
DD - WTF???
Me - Wouldn't it be great if we lived in a world where legs magically shaved themselves and nobody had to have hairy legs ever again
DD - Are you on drugs?
Me - if I lived in a world like that I would wave my non hairy arms proudly in the air to show off
DD - but for them to be self shaving they'd have to have little arms growing out of them to shave them for you and then you'd look like a twat

At this point I'm crying with laughter and she's in the bath soo...... I'm a misrable failure

oops.. nonhairy arms should be legs

I might come across as a wee bit earnest in comparison to the other posts on this thread, but my DP and I absolutley love this book and use the methods everyday with our son. We've had wonderful results... he's 2 and a half...

ahundredtimes....ahhhh, OK so "this! this! play! play!" should be met with "we could go and play but then Noddy might turn into a dalek so we'd better not"...freaky enough?

Kitbit, I reckon scoring very high, if a little off message. Am still waiting for dcs to make shockingly inappropriate remark so I can frame good not no response. Am impatient. Might need to do this to the question, 'can we have some lunch?' if things stay this bad.

moonymama - I appear facaetious but actually am finding this method fantastically efficient and with excellent humour value to boot. Honestly.

you lot are over usign the fantasy bit
100 i loveya