"How to talk so kdis will listenand listen so kids will talk" - anyone want to go trhough this book?

[Porcupine]

and see hwat we think of it?

Its wuite heavy reading( not intellectually) just very close set type and lots of americna egs
But i reckon we cna do it.

good point HE but that mum soudns a wanker

ah yes, indeed she is.

yeah that poor kid...

I don't know, sounds a more reasonable response than saying
'You want to dress up because you love dressing up and it's hard to be told you can't, perhaps we should contact a professional chef to find out what they do in their restaurants when the waiters decide they want to put on princess dresses five minutes before the food is cooked' - which is what I'm currently being brainwashed into saying.

Soooooooooooo

When the tone deaf kid with a cloth ear and a face which looks as if she hit every branch out of the ugly tree she fell out of tells me she is going to be a singing star I'm not to snear 'Yer, right, and I'm going to be the next Kate Moss'

Is that right?

I should say , 'Ohh that is intereting. Waiting round doing fuck all school work while you sit on your arse waiting for the call from the X factor will be very good for your self confidence'

oh porkypete i do love you
this thread has made me laugh and laugh

"Her dd 'Mum can we dress up'"

WOHM response: Of course, but not right now. Shoot me an email and I'll see if I can't schedule a dressing-up window in my diary for some time early Q3. We can run through your homework G&Os [goals and objectives] at the same time.

DD1: OK [Utterly bewildered but aware that mommy is treating her with the same respect she accords her adult colleagues and empowering her to resolve her dressing up issues, goes off to reload the Nightmare on Elm Street dvd.]

Works for me!

Or perhaps you could just 'describe the problem' MB such as - 'As a rule singing stars are very attractive.'

Or one I have just done.

Can I come to the chip shop with you?

No

OK then

Easy peasy?

Anyone else want chips while I'm there?

or i suppse, @usualy famous singers can hold a tune'

Not, that is just a load of shit nowerdays isn't it?

oh god, i started another thread about how to stop myself weeping after an infuriating phone call with my mother, I should have just followed the techniques on this thread instead. It has made me HOWL with laughter. Thank you.

Yes, but who cares you've reached the main objectives of this lesson - you haven't said NO and you've undermined her confidence and self-belief in a really arch and unaggressive way, so congratulations all round, I think

You were right PAFC it did take 30 mins to read

Supper is late

But I really need to get into this book and so does DH..

Will be following

Oranges - why don't you use the book's techniques on your mother? And then you could write a book and become very famous and rich.

"How to get your mother to respect you and do as she's told".

Marvellous.

PAFC, I'm touched with that welcome. I'm terribly impressed with the breadth of your portfolio - stretching from Potty Training Boot Camp Lieutenant Colonel to Family Dynamics Therapist. Not to mention the day job.

You know they're resurrected the lsit thread.......

Isn't there a book for sales professionals "Getting to Yes" - isn't this just "Getting to No, But Only After You Have Exhausted Umming, Echoing, Informing, Describing, Accepting, Substituting, Pausing" Anyway, I've not caught up with you all so I'll butt out until I've reread and am really putting HTT into practice

Rushing in from cooking to share this:

DS1 I'm going to kill DS2. I mean it. I am. Now.
But then he will be dead (stating the problem)
DS1 YES, EXACTLY.
Aha ahum (I know but old habits die hard)
DS1 I'm going to strangle him with this
But then he won't be able to breath any more (still persisting with the stating the problem thingy)
DS1: You're really annoying me now.
The dwarfs will miss him (new problem, more persuasive problem, I think.)

Butwill the Dwarves miss him? Or are you misleading him? That sort of thing can shatter a child's trust you know.

Where do I get the dwarves? I nicked a shopping trolly on the way home, so I'm half way there?

You're funny MB. How are the chips?
Am now so fluently brilliant at this that when DS1 says 'you know those dwarfs really don't miss ds2 at all, and I'm feeling oddly undermined and insecure about it because you said they would' I can shoot right back with, 'You're feeling oddly undermined and insecure about it. That's understandable. You're also in prison which may be contributing to that vague sense of unease you are describing.'

Easy. Park the shopping trolley somewhere handy, though whilst having a crucial role in chapter 3, does seem to have been forgotten somewhat in chapter 4.

My success of the evening.

Ds2 really really upset that he didn't get a treat after dinner when ds1 did (ds2 didn't eat all his dinner and didn't even make a very good attempt - natural consequence, tada!). Big theatrical sobs, oh the injustice of it all.

I took him out for a cuddle, then decided he was being fake and started doing big theatrical sobs of my own. He started to giggle and stopped crying.

Not sure what technique that is, but job done

Cod/Porky: Does HTT endorse the fine art of ignoring? Not ignoring the child just the behaviour. DD2 (4.5) is going through a victimised/pathetic voice/Paltrow-stylee-tears phase and I just know that the 'I feel your pain' approach would be fatal, when what she needs is a 'I'm not even noticing your pseudo-pain, whoa, did UpsyDaisyDo really do that to HigglePiggle?' ignore then distract approach. It works well on mild hissy fits too but just doesn't chime well with the whole notion of respecting and acknowledging your child's emotions, however ludicrous and inappropriate they may be.

Perhaps this is a US/UK cultural divide. Judging by the large but non-randomised sample of US colleagues with whom I've worked over the last decade, they tend to take things Very Seriously and maximise issues whilst the Brits tend towards the disastrously facetious and/or the 'brace up it's only a flesh wound' de-emphasising of a situation.

Issymum you may be right. We've got that Blitz spirit. Darling it's just a tiny piece of shrapnel!

I am finding I can't do any of this without sounding eithe r(a) rudely sarcastic or (b) grossly disinterested. I don't know why - it just seems to SOUND that way when it comes out of my mouth.

dd1: I don't want to clear the table
Me: Hmmm You don't want to clear the table (EITHER SOUNDS LIKE: hmmm I'm just thinking about something utterly unrelated but so much more interesting OR hmmm Do I Look Like I Give A Toss?)

I just don't have the right natural tone

Can someone just run ove the basics with me 'cos I need to rehearse

So when I say to DS in the morning

"It's time to get dressed"
And he says
"I don;t want to"

Do I then say

"You must be feeling very ... today

and he says

"Yes Mummy I am"

so i say

"Wouldn;t it be fantasic if your clothes would just jump onto you as if by magic without you having to take you pjs off first"

Is that right? I will try it & report back, but what feeling should I use? Why doesn;t DS want to get dressed? And why do I not know?

I can;t remember ever not wanting to, except when my Mum made me wear navy knee length socks, but that was an objection to the specific clothing. I would happily have put white ones on. DS objects to the whole thing.