"How to talk so kdis will listenand listen so kids will talk" - anyone want to go trhough this book?

[Porcupine]

and see hwat we think of it?

Its wuite heavy reading( not intellectually) just very close set type and lots of americna egs
But i reckon we cna do it.

NB i can give you a banning order

Go on then, if you think you are 'erd enough

N B but if the cap fits

Well hush my mouth , Peter, I thought it just might be a typo!

im going ot give up on this htread.

Nooo... don't give up - it's useful!

It's the natural consequences thing I always have problems with. Thinking of a fair consequence can be bloody hard sometimes.

What a great thread. OMG, so much of it rings true with my two. Esp the going to bed stuff...GRRR, Mum I just need to get a book, just need the toilet, there's a spider in the bath, just want to give you a hug...oh, what's Dad playing on the Xbox, can I just watch this race, Mum I just need the toilet again, Mum I can see some light shining through my curtains.

Have had a brief read through, will give it a go.... be interesting to see how it goes.

Is there a chapter on, how to cope when you're pregnant and you're on the verge of moving out? ... I love them really

I read '1..2..3.. Magic' a couple of years ago, fantastic book, need to have a re-read, I've slipped back into old habits

yes m'lud

I've had this book ages and never managed to read through it - just skimmed bits. But from Cod's synopsis I think I'm doing it anyway.

DD yabbers nonstop in my ear while I don't really listen but just keep making soothing noises and saying "yes, dear" and "I see" and "mmmmm".

See, I am a great mum

QED

adn its your farking worhsip

oops

yes your farking worship

DS2 I'm not eating. I want to go on the computer.
Me: Mmmmm, (nodding head)
DS2 Why are you doing that?
Me I was just thinking how great it would be if we never had to eat and we could just play computer games all day.
DS2: You're weird. If you did that you would DIE.
Me: Hmm, (more nodding)
DS2: What are we eating? I'll tell you what would be great would be if we had a line of like dwarfs or something by the window and we could throw them out whenever we felt cross.
Me: Hmm. I can't think of an appropriate non-judegemental soccer mom/ car pool mom response to make to that.

well thst easy you hsoudl have just said yes he can

Oh. So we're doing positive parenting too are we? Christ, it's a big ask this.

God I need this book. Ds3 is out of control. He's only 2 though - it won't work will it?

LOL at all the kids thinking that their DMs have turned a little odd following this thread.

I got the same effect when I started to say 'I hear what you say' (as recomended in a managing teens session I went on) They all thought I'd gone farking bonkers

Please don't give it up, it's really useful. And your summaries are very pithy. [weapons-grade smarm]

Also, I am skint and don't want to buy the book.

I take your point about missing out the 'aha, uh-humm' stage earlier. Why is it important though? Usually I try not to grunt on principle, but will make an exception if necessary.

cos you are actively listening

and if oyu have ever ranted to someone who just sitsn ad lsitens to you youll knwo that you thne start back trakcing
( liek when you complain in a shop)

OK! That makes sense.

Thinking about it, I have a friend who's a clinical psychologist, and she does this all the time.

Cod you were right, this thread is marvellous

v funny and helpful

do keep it up

Yeah mb, you get that look because 'I hear what you say,' is usually followed by, 'and I'm not listening to it/going to do anything about it.'

I've just done a 1,2,3 Magic course and thought that was good. I found How to Talk all a bit wordy, but do some of the important bits. Like Uh-huh, and ahhh, especially if I'm mumsnetting.

Cod is right, it's so disconcerting to rant at someone who just listens, you run out of steam so much quicker.

Re: emotional literacy (chapter 1), the workshop I was mentioning was to do with deaf children who may need more direct input and explanations about feelings and other words as they are less likely to overhear them in others' conversations. Also they may have difficulty in perceiving sarcasm as may not differentiate the slight change of tone in the voice (although sooner or later they'll make up for this by understanding the body language that goes with it). Anyway, I can't remember sarcasm being recommended in HTTSKWL. Also because of vocabulary & grammar limitations, I know my son at a younger age would have lost interest if I painfully tried to find the right words to describe feelings, all those "I'd have thought you would have been feeling..." etc. Which is why it probably wouldn't work as well with a very young toddler either.