"How to talk so kdis will listenand listen so kids will talk" - anyone want to go trhough this book?

[Porcupine]

and see hwat we think of it?

Its wuite heavy reading( not intellectually) just very close set type and lots of americna egs
But i reckon we cna do it.

ARF.
THEY ARE GREAT TEAM THOUGH. ALL K LIEK EACH OTHER
ANWYAY WILL G O OFFNOW TO READ CHAPTER THREE

Saint maybe do you use it?

Read it a couple of years ago and the really similar sibling one. Can't find it; prob forced some poor unwilling friend to borrow it, but I try to use that way of talking all the time

My dcs are not the kind of people who respond well to 'do what i say, not what i do'

and neither am i, so fair enough

but they really do respond like beautiful little desert plants when it rains to a bit of respect and listening

so it works for me

and it doesn't come naturally to me; I'm very bossy

and must go as now the appropriate response to them is 'you must be re-eally hungry'

I had this convo with DS on our way home today:

DS "are we going to Tesco?"

me "no we're going home"

DS "but I waaaaannnnttt to go to TESCOS!!!"

me "I understand that but we're going home".

DS doesn't mention it again.

rewind to two weeks ago, I've had a stressful day, DS is grumpy, we're on our way home:

DS "are we going to Tesco?"

me"no we're going home"

DS 2but I waaannnt to go to TESCO!!!!"

me "well we're not going to TESCO, we're going home"

DS (with an increasingly whiny voice) "but I want to go to TESCO!!"

me "well we're not GOING"

ds "yes we are, I'll make you go"

me "no we're not you can't make me"

ds"I'll be very cross with you if you don't take me"

me "I'll be cross with you if you mention it again"

etc etc
you get the picture.

I prefer the opther way! much less stressful all round, now just have to remember to use it...

I need a sign. Mummy on mumsnett.
Also - Mummy needs space.
Ds said to me today. No mummy, I need space.
Where did that come from ??????!!!

I have the tesco thing, almost everynight, climbingwalls. And I don't understand why

does it say anything about choices?

eg: You can go outside to play (cause you are annoying me)
or help me with the washing up and all the other mundane things I have to get through?

my ds has a thing for sainsbury's and also cafes

lol I have got the "I just need some space" from DS too!

and the classic "sorry I didn't listen to you before mummy, I'm just a bit stressed"!! (the excuse I often find myself using )

welldont saintmaybe and slimbing walsl
i wonder if tis only working as we are outfoxing htem by behaving atypically?

Does it tell you how to deal with a complete meltdown with a two year old at a supermarket checkout?
Can't believe the looks I got at the weekend-I tried everything and she still screamed her head off

I just implemented some techniques borrowed from this thread at what was promising to be a very fractious/overtired bathtime/bedtime.
Crikey, it worked!

It felt a bit like pretending to be a good parent, which doesn't come easily. And it's exhausting, listening. As is being sympathetic when what you really want to do is stamp your foot.
But the 'pretending' route is probably far less stressful than the alternative.

hey BAKER!! RESULT!!

One thing my dad used to do with us (amongst the many bad things lol) was when we nags and whined for stuff, he would pretend to be Sooty and say "Izzy Whizzy let's get busy....Ta-daaaahhh! Nope, it didn't work, sorry"

It kind of showed us that it just wasn't happening, better than saying "I said NO and if you ask me again I'll smack your backside!"

Whoosh what was reason for meltdown?
want sweets? bored and want to go home? miscellanous mummy being mean?

i think 2 year solds scoot uner the realms of this book
they are after all utter freaks

Mrs B-there seemed to be no reason-but I guess just got bored/uncomfortable being sat in a trolley-guess I would too.Just couldn't risk letting her out though as God only knows where she would have ended up.

Cod-think you have hit the nail on the head

I missed this thread before which is sad as I have just finished this book.

Trouble is my memory is so crap I keep recognising scenario and thinking ''ooohh, now, I know what I'm supposed to say now...shit, WTF is it I'm supposed to say..?''
Meanwhile poor child had wandered off dolefully to share his strife or ire with goldfish who is a better listenrer and has better memory!

Tee hee. At swimming today DS1 (8) said, "I'm hungry. Have you got any snacks?". I started to say, "You can't possibly be hungry - you've just had two huge bowls of cereal", but, mindful of this thread, stopped at the "You..." and started again with "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't bring any snacks. That's a shame. You'll have to wait until we get home."

Then he started moaning on about how he didn't want eggs for tea. So I said "You must feel disappointed it's not one of your favourite meals".

But I sound so ...... cheesy.

PMSL, yes, they seemed to have missed out that chapter!