No baby sitters ever at all!

[toffeetops]

I was just wondering what other parents do for child care? Me and DH have no one to babysit our 11 month old. Myself and DH have looked after Dc from day one with no help from anyone. What do you do when you both need to go to an important event where it's not appropriate to take a child? Me and dh would love a date night even as we get no couple time and to put it bluntly I miss him! I guess there's nothing I can do other then to accept no social life ever for a very long time. I'm just interested in your thoughts.

Jessie that’s good to know and makes me feel better about it.

NoSwsForYou Yeah it’s been mentioned in enough do a way and they’re not interested, they have busy lives and a lot of commitments.

of

I chose to have a child so believe me I’m not complaining.

SleepingStandingUp I’m on maternity leave
So who does ask the night wakings and feeds? Virtually all the childcare? Probably a good deal of the housework?
You work full time too, 7 days with night callouts and no time off. My point was don't devalue what you do. Dh would have his own child if you asked nicely but would eye roll over why you need to because you chose to have a child. I know our isn't the point if your thread but this is how you end up being s year down the line moaning that you work but still do the bulk of child and house work and you never have any free time etc. You need to put the boundaries in now

It's not too late toffee - I did it again when we moved where we live now when dc1 was 19 months and I was expecting dc2. We weren't remote when I had dc1 but we are here - 5 miles away from the nearest bigger village with toddlers groups. 3 miles from the nearest village shop.

Are you a bit isolated (not just geographically but in terms of transport). I only lived here a couple of weeks without a car and I was on the verge of leaving - it's unbearably isolating not to have transport if you're remote. We're also 3 miles from the nearest regular bus line - the only scheduled bus that runs through our village only runs once in each direction per day and is basically a school bus. Though anyone can catch it if they want to go to town for exactly the length of a school day...

We didn't have parents near us, or any friends sufficiently close to babysit either.

So we joined an agency. All their babysitters were nannies, or nurses or teachers - so they were all experienced in looking after children. And they're only strangers once! After someone has been that you like, you can request them each time - as long as they're available, of course.

Please at least investigate this option. You do need some down time!

It's hard isn't it OP. My DS is nearly 5 and DH and I haven't been out since he was born. We live abroad so have no family around.

Thanks Evelynismycatsformerspyname yes very isolated and not great transport links unfortunately. We do get our for some nice scenic walks.

out

We live abroad so have another issue with things like language barriers, absolutely zero family about.

We asked friends about Babysitters and their recommendations, I’m sure there is a local fb baby group in your area as well. The lady who looks after our baby was a stranger at first but we’ve got to know her, our baby really likes here. Hoping to bribe her with extra biscuits to make sure she keeps coming back .

I’d also suggest you set aside time for yourself every week and leave your DP to it. Honestly, does them no favours to think they ‘can’t’ settle them. My DH does bedtime now and he works 6 days a week.

As others have said it's important to build a network in your situation (which was also my situation) in case of an actual emergency.

If you collapse with appendicitis, or one of your parents (if they are alive and hundreds of miles away) is in a critical condition in hospital and needs you, or your DH is in a traffic accident and needs you at his bedside because he's in a bad way... If you have either known paid babysitters or a deliberately built up network of mum friends you'll have someone to call to have DC in an emergency.

This is what you do- text all your friends...dear lovely friends, I am desperate for a date night out with DH and was wondering if any if you would be prepared to babysit X for a couple of hours one eve? I will settle X before we go, can offer a glass of wine, some fancy chocs and a cosy fire and of course would be happy to reciprocate the favour in some way.😁

Do either of you have parents who live further away but come to visit from time to time? I appreciate that there may be no GPS in the picture at all but if there are and they just live far away, could they give you a night to yourselves if they are staying with you, or you stay with them? That’s what my PIL do sometimes (my own parents are dead).

Ok there are a couple of things:

It’s really important that your DH can look after your child alone. What if you were ill, needed surgery or god forbid died? It’s part of your responsibilities as parents not to let this slide.

If he’s not confident, start fixing that. My DH made sure he was able to look after our twins on his own (other than breastfeeding!) right from day 1.

Secondly the fact that they don’t have children doesn’t mean they don’t know about children. Some of them will have babysat as teens, have baby nieces or newphews other friends with children. Ask some leading questions and find out.

Finally the fact that your friends with babies don’t need you to sit for them doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t be quite happy to sit for you. I have two sets of willing GPs so don’t need help from friends but quite happily sit for two or three friends that don’t have available Grandparents. Sitting in someone else’s house eating biscuits and watching TV while their D.C. sleeps is in no way taxing. I’m quite happy to help my friends out.

You need to ask though.

Aww thanks your kind response ladies. Hopefully things will work out, I know dc wont be tiny forever.

for you kind responses

really important that you do not use the language “babysitting” when referring to the child’s father. Otherwise implies to him that childcare it always your responsibility and that him looking after his child is somehow optional.

Everyone is a stranger before you know them. Ask around and find a local trained Nanny or nursery nurse who has checkable references and knows child first aid. Check the references. Get them to do a meet and greet when you’re not going out. Frankly I would much rather that than a childless friend who wouldn’t know what to do in an emergency. For this age group I would personally not use a teen neighbour unless working in childcare. We have no family or friends who will babysit but really no need to be a mummy martyr and stay in for the foreseeable.

We don't have any family or friends help. Over the years we've used nursery nurses from DS's nursery, our cleaner (bonus, she liked to iron while watching TV so we paid her extra to do that), and currently our neighbour who also babysits through Sitters. I know she calls people before she sits, is very well qualified, and Sitters check them thoroughly.

Book a babysitter but stay with them the first time? Sort of like a mother's help. You could Potter about doing some housework or something and they can look after the baby with you there.
You then would know them a little and you can decide if you feel confident to leave your baby with them on their own.

Apologies, I'm just on way out so admit I haven't read the whole thread so not sure if this has been covered.

Does your DC go to nursery for anytime during the week? Often the nursery staff (especially the younger ones) are happy to babysit for you at home to earn some extra money. And DC would be familiar with them. Not something I did but I do have a couple of friends who have found this to be very useful!

We've used paid babysitters for date nights since our DS was 3 months, we usually go once a month. We have a couple of regular ones who are childminders during the day so we know they're vetted and trained. We don't have any family or suitable friends to ask locally, so it was our only option unless we wanted to go for years without going out together. I go out for a hobby/social nights out about once a week and DH looks after DS then.

We didn't have relatives to babysit either, so put an advert in the local post office. A lovely lady answered our ad and babysat for us, one night a week, for over 10 years. She became part of our family and much loved by my children. Like the cliche - strangers are only friends you've not yet met.

Hate to be the bearer of bad news but the smaller they are the easier it is to leave them with a stranger, you might find it harder if the first time you do it your child is a toddler with separation anxiety.

I guess you’re not going back to work then as you haven’t mentioned any plans for daytime childcare.

We don’t. When the grandparents come and stay (both sets live 400 miles away) they offer us a night out which we occasionally accept, or else we take it in turns to go out. I have friends who would babysit and I would happily leave them with but they are normally the people I want to go out with! My kids are 6 and 4. Doesn’t really bother me anymore. I’m at that stage where I can’t understand where the time is going so I figure before we know it they’ll be able to look after themselves and we’ll have loads of time to go out together.