No baby sitters ever at all!

[toffeetops]

I was just wondering what other parents do for child care? Me and DH have no one to babysit our 11 month old. Myself and DH have looked after Dc from day one with no help from anyone. What do you do when you both need to go to an important event where it's not appropriate to take a child? Me and dh would love a date night even as we get no couple time and to put it bluntly I miss him! I guess there's nothing I can do other then to accept no social life ever for a very long time. I'm just interested in your thoughts.

I’ll have to bite the bullet and try a sitter but not keen on idea of a stranger being in my house and with me baby, would be more comfortable if it was somebody I knew. I know I’m my own worst enemy!

I don't. My mum has babysat once i the last two years but I have 4 and I understand they are hard work.

Thanks ladies I’ve made a note of the links, hopefully I’ll pluck up the courage to go ahead with it. I just feel I’ve lost myself at the moment and worried I’m gettinf depressed!

Boohoo. Cant find childcare because noone you trust but wont leave them witg friends or babysitters. So its your problem then? Why u making a thread about it.

Definitely arrange some nights out for yourself and leave your husband in charge.
However, we don't have family nearby so our first night out together wasn't until DS was 8yrs and a good friend offered to babysit.
If you can, could you try to set up a babysitting group with a couple of friends?

Darcychu I don’t have friend that will babysit

As others have said, a father can't babysit his own child. He's parenting.
If you don't trust anyone to look after your child, not sure what you want to achieve? We have no family near by, so use an agency, and staff from local nursery. All CRB checked, and I sought references. Think it's either accept never going out, or accept that you'll have to try it once.

Otherwise I would I would love to leave with somebody I know

It depends on the nature of the important event you both need to go to and wether yo actually do both need to go. We compromise and one person goes.
Date night is on the sofa after Toddler2.8 is in bed.

HOWEVER the controlling raised eye etc is not ok. You both chose to have a baby. I assume he goes out alone? Tell him to grow up and look after his child

Yes thank you. Thanks for your help l knew you lovely ladies would be helpful even darcy thank you all

We've never paid a babysitter though and have never had babysitters close enough to babysit just for an evening. PIL used to have the children for an overnight or two during most school holidays though. We have 3 kids and they did struggle with both the boys at once, and there was a phase when dc2 didn't want to be away from us and we didn't make him, so we usually had fewer kids at home not none... We did go away for a night twice and out for dinner a few times though. Not desperately often.

I remember the first time I went out without dc1 was awful - she was 5 months and screaming when I left. Went to a restaurant without mobile reception and my friends assured me she'd have stopped after 5 minutes but I got home 4 hours later to find DH with a pillow on his own head on the sofa and DD purple in the face, sweaty and still screaming! DH said he'd had to put her in the cot and walk away as he couldn't cope.

However we did try again once she was weaning and taking water and milk from a cup, and then she was fine. From 7 months DH looked after her one day per week while I worked out my notice after maternity leave and DD was happy with him.

I left dc3 with DH two nights a week from 4 months to teach an evening class I'd committed to teach before realising that I was pregnant!

So things can (and should) change with your DH.

DC1 will be old enough to babysit herself soon :D

Darcychu gets tonight's empathy award

Pay a sitter, radical I know🤨

Ask on a local Parenting Facebook page If anyone can recommend a good babysitter in your area.

Baby sitting agency when DD1 was very little. A friend's au pair sometimes.

Now either staff from nursery or the teens down our lane - their mum is just a few doors down if there are any issues and the kids go to sleep before we go.

The reality is, if you don't have family or friends to help then you'll need to use a "stranger". If you're not comfortable with that, that's fine, but the only way you will get time alone is by using paid help

Stay in until the baby is 18 then. Btw dh isnt babysitting his own child and why would he mind you going out🤨

I have 2DS (6&2) and we basically don't go anywhere separately after dark. IL's will occasionally have them over night but it involved a 200 mile round trip so we have used them a handful of times.
It's a pain but we've adapted. For example we've just been invited to a child free wedding. We simply can't go (it's on DH's side and the il's are going). I've been invited to a birthday party but DH already had agreed to something else so I can't go. We can't afford a babysitter and my kids have never really been left.

If you go through an agency you can specify you only want someone qualified, with x number of years experience and sparkling references -
your little munchkin will be fine! If you want to find your own sitter look on childcare.co.uk . It's expensive but you need only contact people who really tick your boxes. I have very happy memories of my babysitters from when I was young. And I know I'm a totally awesome one myself these days - I'm sure you'll find someone perfect!

Your husband cannot babysit. Parents do not babysit their own loinfruit.

You really need to get out of the mindset of saying your husband would be “babysitting” If he ever had sole charge of your child. That is encouraging him to abdicate responsibility as a parent.

But surely he must have had sole charge before now? Have you never had your hair cut or just gone to the shops on your own for a few hours since the DC was born?

You’re being a doormat. If you were to go out with friends in the evening then the child would mostly be asleep, how on Earth is that difficult for him?

My DH takes our son to swimming lessons every Saturday morning, started when he was 3 months old. We think it’s really important for them to have something that they do together without me.

As to going out together, I am not sure what you were expecting people to say- if you refuse to leave your child with someone you don’t know (regardless of their references and qualifications) and you don’t know anyone who will babysit, there is no solution.

You don’t say if you work but I am guessing you are still on maternity leave? Will you ever put DC into nursery? If so, once DC has settled in you and your husband could take a day’s annual leave together now and again to have a nice adult day alone.

I live in London and only one of my friends had a parent living nearby who could babysit. All of the rest of us have had to pay for babysitting.

When my children were babies, we asked friends' experienced aupairs if they wanted some extra work. When they were older a variety of lovely local teenagers helped us out. Now my teen does babysitting locally.

It's really quite a normal thing to do!

It's not always as easy as paying a sitter. I would never leave my children with a stranger, just couldn't bring myself to do it, whether they were professional or not. Don't know anyone who has done it either.

Thanks everyone. Dh has yes for small periods of time and probably would if I have a discussion with him. I haven’t been being entirely honest with him About how low I am feeling. He gets very tired as he works 6 days a week so prob my Fault on not wanting to ask him. To be honest I’d rather have an evening out with him as we both need it more than ever. I guess my only option is paid babysitters who I don’t know.

Thanks demirose87 that’s exactly how I feel I’m not comfortable with strangers.

I think your choices are to challenge your worry about leaving your DC with somebody you don't know (but you can get to know them, you know?) or to stay in and have no child-free couple time outside of the home until your DC is old enough to be left on their own.

I understand your reluctance but many people are in your kind of situation - we were too. The time does pass, but only you can decide what you are comfortable with.