No baby sitters ever at all!

[toffeetops]

I was just wondering what other parents do for child care? Me and DH have no one to babysit our 11 month old. Myself and DH have looked after Dc from day one with no help from anyone. What do you do when you both need to go to an important event where it's not appropriate to take a child? Me and dh would love a date night even as we get no couple time and to put it bluntly I miss him! I guess there's nothing I can do other then to accept no social life ever for a very long time. I'm just interested in your thoughts.

demi presumably you live somewhere where most people are "local" and still living in their home town. In areas of the country where most people have moved for work and hardly anyone has local family or local old school friends most people pay babysitters or swap favours with baby group or antenatal class friends.

Surely when they go to nursery or school they will be left with strangers?

Hmmm. There are lots of us without aunties and grandparents to babysit. Maybe your title should have been how to go out without baby if I don’t trust friends or hired babysitters to look after young child? The answer is you don’t. But you do expect your dh to be absolutely fine with parenting on his own, I assume he chose to have the child too.

I'm talking about babysitters from agencies and things. I wouldn't have an issue if I knew the babysitter.

You need to loosen control, relax and trust a baby sitter. Spending time on your own as a couple is good for your mental health and your relationship. You need to be able to make time for each other.

Schools are different. I mean paying a stranger to come into the home and mind my children.

Yes dc will windyone but I’ll feel alittlebetter once walking, talking and old enough to know what’s going on

We first decided to try to pay a babysitter when dc2 was nearly 2, but not one of the local teens who babysits would babysit 3 kids under 8! They all only babysat for people with one baby or toddler and no other kids... But we don't live in the UK and do live in an area where 90% of people live within a few miles of where they were born... So no babysitting agencies (there are in the nearest city but it's too far). So we never did.

It's probably a good idea to build your babysitter contacts now, while you just have one child!

timeisnotaline I do trust friends but don’t have any that will babysit!

demirose87 Exactly that’s how I feel too

I’ve made a note of the link, thanks everybody for your help

Have you asked them toffee ?

I very deliberately networked while pregnant and while dc1 was tiny to build up a support network of friends in the same position of not knowing anyone else with a baby and not having a support network already. It was the main reason I went to antenatal classes and baby groups. I think we all did. All supported each other. Still in touch now the first DC we were pregnant with when we met are all at secondary, even though I've moved abroad.

No I haven’t but the friends I have work fulltime, have busy lives and don’t have a clue about babies! Oh well....

Haven’t managed to go to many baby groups as l live remotely and unfortunately haven’t built up a network. Wish I had ken though, thanks for your help.

Should have Said one

See, I may be in the minority here, but I wouldn't leave my children with a teenager unless I personally knew them well enough to know they were responsible and capable to care for my children.
You wouldn't entrust your child with a stranger off the street so why would you leave them with a person presumably found off the internet or heard of through someone else? I may not have many nights out now, but thats the price I pay for having four young children. In my opinion, that can wait until the children are older. My priority are my kids, not my social life. But yes, I get that it is important to have time off, and I do very very rarely, but again, I chose to have children and I doubt most mums of four kids are out every week.

DS is nearly 2 and we’ve never left him with anyone but GPs. I wouldn’t use a babysitting agency but then again he’s my PFB and I can accept that I’m probably being silly!!

What made it easier for me (I don’t like my in laws) was making sure I was there to put DS to bed and going out after, even if DP went first and I met him there. In reality, that only happened once when he went to a wedding that started during the day - children weren’t allowed so I just met him in the evening.

that’s a long winded way of saying that would your childless friends be more confident/you be more confident in your childless friends babysitting if they were just sitting downstairs while your baby slept? I understand that’s dependant on whether they’re a good sleeper/have an early ish bedtime. Just a thought, OP.

Also, have you asked any of your childless friends? If you’re just assuming they wouldn’t like to, ask them! They might love the idea, and just because they don’t have their own they might have younger siblings/cousins/other friends with children/be a TA/childminder/work in a nursery/be a teacher any number of things that might mean they are more ‘confident’ with children than you originally thought.

So poor DH works 6 days do is tired?

How many days do you work OP?

demirose87 Yeah that’s the way I feel also. How old are your dc? If you’ve had time out occasionally who looks after them? I guess it’s easier if you know somebody but I’m not that lucky!

SleepingStandingUp I’m on maternity leave

It is not just important to have time off though - it is vital to have a back up system in case of need - to have people around who COULD step in and take the kids - that is why we cultivated the babysitting of local teenagers from the kids being very young. (as we had no family around)

I wouldn't trust my child with a stranger off the street but I would however leave them with a fully qualified, CRB checked, childcare professional who you could then build up a relationship with allowing you to have a night out.

We (DH or I) wpuld babysit for friends before we had kids. So we were novice but we did fine. Even if your friends don’t have children it doesn’t mean they’re incapable and I bet if you asked they’d be happy to help! If anything, it might be that kids are better for them / show them where things are / enjoy the novelty.
Hope you find someone x

Any time I try to go and leave my husband to baby sit

When you look after your child do you call it babysitting? No? A father looking after their child is not babysitting!

We had nobody to have DD until my parents moved back from abroad when DD was about 18 months old. DH worked away during the week. It’s just how life was.

Agency babysitters are often nannies or nursery staff doing extra work on the side. The one we use doesn’t have unqualified teenagers in its books. I doubt that any do.