Will SS take this child ?

[matt1978]

I've name changed in case family are on here.
I have a close relative who is expecting a baby.
This isn't really relevant but he has achondroplasia which they've just found out the baby has inherited (his first child to a different mother did not).

His mother called mine in a panic as SS have become involved. Unknown to her (but maybe to my family member) the mother of the baby has had two previous babies taken away at birth as she was in an abusive relationship which she wouldn't / couldn't / didn't leave. She has no contact with those kids who have been adopted. She also grew up in the system and has no relationship with her family.
My question is - as she's now in a relationship with my cousin and they have the support of his mother - what are the hopes of them being allowed to keep this baby and will it be taken or will they just be monitored and supported ?

Are your cousin and the mother fit, safe people for the baby to be around? Healthy boundaries, good place to live?

I'm no expert but I think they will do a full parenting assessment and decide on that basis what is best for the child

they won't automatically remove the child just because previous children went into care. They have to get a court order to remove a child and there has to be evidence of the child being at risk of harm.

Within my extended family is a woman who had her first two taken from her (the second at birth). She has complex mental health issues, and a chaotic lifestyle, but with support from her family and Social Services she has been allowed to keep subsequent dc.

I would expect some fairly serious monitoring to begin with, but if the parents prove capable (with additional support if needed) I would be hopeful they'd be given the chance.

terry in some ways yes. They both have learning difficulties and on top of his achondroplasia he is also extremely obese - he has had recent back surgery and is now registered disabled and uses a motorized chair to get around. On the other hand he has rented his own place for years and has previously been in full time employment for many years
He is around 30 years old but not very mature if that makes sense
I want to be careful what I say as I'm not judging their capacity to parent I'm just curious what SS will consider.
He has an older child who is great - she lives with her mum who has the support of her own Mum and my family member I believe has partial custody as in she stays over with him etc

hirples thank you that's interesting .
In terms of wider support systems, though the Mum has none of her own family I know part of it was that my aunt (his mum) had been asked to present herself in SS meetings as someone who will give a lot of support to them both and I don't doubt she will. It would be very sad for my cousin to lose his child that he's very excited and thrilled about

A lot of it is going to fall on your aunt's shoulders then. Would it work for both parents and your aunt to share a home?

hirples I'm not even sure of the current set up and even if they're living together right now!
I do predict my aunt ending up being pseudo mother to ensure the baby is kept and who knows maybe they could live together !
It does give me anxiety in a way as my aunt herself was a pretty dysfunctional (not abusive in any way just chaotic) mother to my cousins - for background she was married to my mums brother who passed away when my cousins were toddlers. She's subsequently done a number of things and behaved in ways that have lead to my sister going totally NC with them and me mostly.

@Charolais is writing utter bullocks and I used to work for SS. Dangerous bollocks that stops people seeking help when they should and, once again, paints SWs as evil weirdos, rather than the dedicated public servants I know them to be. SS are overworked, under resourced and under incredible pressure.

Amazingly people go into SW because they want to help people.

I know parents with LDs who have been supported to parent. It's difficulty say in this case with various difficulties and disabilities and people involved because that involves a LOT of assessments.

Fingers crossed!

Reported Charolais' post as really dangerous (and inaccurate) advice and perpetuating the myth of forced adoption.

Also reported luckily I'm smart enough to know she's talking crap

Damaged babies? Wtf?!

Sounds like Charolais has had her kid/s taken into Care! With good reason, I'm sure!

IME,Charlois is right. (Not personal experience just working closely with the 'system').

gay regardless, her comments and yours are frankly irrelevant to the original post

Charolais is completely wrong. SS don't just remove healthy children. That is ridiculous. It is possible that a child with disabilities would be harder to place for adoption but it can and does happen. I am a retired social worker and sit on a panel which agrees adoption plans and matches children with adopters. All the children places are damaged in some way because of their early childhood.

Going back to the OP. SS will do a thorough assessment and there will be a multi agency decision on what happens when the child is born. Just because a parent has had children removed previously it doesn't mean subsequent children will be removed. If the mother is in a different relationship and the circumstances have changed for the better then they would likely keep the child. Obviously I have no way of knowing if this is the case here. If there are family willing to step in and offer support this will be looked upon favourably.

Charolais is wrong and is posting misinformation.

I've adopted a child with disabilities.

When I worked in SS, we had many, many children with additional needs, learning difficulties, physical conditions etc- being on a care order often meant their families accessing the support they desperately needed, that they were denied previously when not deemed to be in enough need FFS
Probably about 20% of our authority's LAC were children with disabilities.

Some were abandoned at birth by parents that couldn't cope with multiple and profound disabilities- these were always adopted! It was a v speedy process, but quicker than usual because parents were in full agreement for adoption to go ahead.

Sorry OP, that's no help to you, but cannot believe the nonsense spouted by people sometimes.

IME, SS will want to support the parents, particularly as one is previously known to them and teach other has additional needs. In the past, the parents could have gone to a supported parent unit after baby is born, so they can get help with the practicalities of parenting, and be assessed (and hopefully found sound). I am not sure there are any of these left though, as there have been so many cuts to SS. All the units in my authority have closed

Charolais is wrong
There are very many disabled children in the system. Children with disabilities usually need more care than non disabled ones. More appointments to turn up to, meds to remember, hygiene to maintain, behaviour to manage etc etc.
Therefore if a parent would struggle to remain under the threshold for intervention with a non disabled child they are much more likely to struggle with a disabled one
Disabled children have far more professionals involved from an early age. More professionals= more scrutiny. More monitoring by more people with more experience (or who think they have it).

So unless Charolais thinks that every medical professional in the land is a lizard involved in the Great Conspiracy her theory doesn't make sense.
Not that the Lizards would make sense but I am trying to work out her line of reasoning.
Children are taken into care to protect them NOT to fuel the mythical adoption industry.
Of course the system makes mistakes and is often led by resources rather than need. That doesn't mean the kids it works with are NOT at risk.

The couple in the OP are extremely vulnerable to having their baby removed. I would be lying if I denied that.
Mum has had two removed already, dad doesn't sound as if he can look after a baby without a lot of support and the baby is high risk due to their additional needs.

It looks to me that the best chance for this baby to stay out of care is for a family member to take guardianship.

Charolais is right about one thing. Disabled children are far less likely to get adopted than non disabled ones. However the myth of the perfect, healthy, non traumatised baby being plucked for sale to awaiting parents is just that, a myth.

mail so have I and the law said that we, as family, had to be approached first.
So the Stolen for Rich Stranger theory isn't really stacking up.

Thanks Mrsdv for backing me up. Sometimes I get so cross with the lies about adoption

Some of these replies have gone off on a tangent re adoption - let me stress that adoption is not the issue here and this soon to be born child is not what I consider seriously disabled having achondroplasia- yes there will be unique issues but as my cousin has proven a normal life with job house partner and children is all possible. So I am not asking about the adoption of a disabled child here. I was asking for experience and knowledge of the system which I am ignorant of, if a person has been flagged are they given later chances
Although it sounds like a struggle I hope they will have opportunity to prove themselves both for them and the child's sake
Thanks for the considered and intelligent responses

It’s bullshit like @Charolais is spouting that create the stigma around adoption - it’s utter bollocks.

OP, with the best will in the world, SS are not the big bad wolf. I think the question also needs to be asked - would your family members really provide the best home for this child? It doesn’t sound like you think so.

fenella I am ignoring those posts as have first hand experience of adoption !
In answer to your Q - no I don't have high hopes about any of this - in an ideal world this kid would grow up happy with its parents but I am fearful for its future considering its options. I am a close by blood family member but no longer close in relationship - definitely not able to offer practical help as live abroad but enough to worry for all parties as no one wants to see a family member suffer.
Initially happy that my cousin who's had a rough time with his height and weight and depression seemed to have found a partner to create a family with it was a sad shock to find out the possibility it might be taken away from him
I have no experience of SS so appreciate any advice given