Terrible twos / threenager support thread

[Belleende]

Hello all,

Thought I would start this and see where is goes. I am mum to 2 DDS. One 7 weeks and one 2.5. currently on mat leave.

My DD1 has always been a lively high energy kid, but has lately been incredibly challenging. Last week it took me 1.5 hours to get her into her clothes and out the door. I started a thread here and got great support.

There are lots of separate threads with good advice on, but I thought it might be helpful to have a go to place for help support and advice on dealing with the daily challenges of toddler wrangling.

My current challenges include, how to get dressed without a drama, how to manage transitions without meltdowns, to nap or not to nap, how to maintain sanity when toddler asks for a bath and then refuses to get in it, how to keep it light and playful when you are feeling just short of murderous.

Say howdy if you think this might be useful and we can go from there.

Ruby Wasn't going to log on tonight but checked in and saw your post. Hope it goes well for you, those questionnaires are ridiculous. My HV gave up with them in the end and designed her own - she's a lovely older woman who loves toddlers!

Hope it all goes well for you, the GDD diagnosis for us was not a shock but I still had a cry about it with DD so don't be ashamed if that happens.

DDs had a blood test today and I'm so nervous for the results.

Hey ruby still need to agree a date for play date but will be this week or next. I just think they are going to be a) v house proud and b) used to a more placid toddler (this kid slept through from 8 weeks!). Has to happen tho.
Crappy news on the surgery snoopy, I hope you heal fast. I really hated having to keep DD1 at arms length towards the end of my pregnancy. She is just so strong and unpredictable, and likes to fling herself around a bit, it had to be done. I get all the cuddles I can now. She was running rings around me at the end, she got the shock of her life when I was able to run after her again.

Good luck with the HV ruby I hope you get a decent one who is on the ball and proactive. They seem to be such a mixed bunch.

Had grumpy OH to contend with tonight. DD was v tired at bed time and was teetering on a knife edge. I was totally managing this, in comes DP, he is tired and grumpy and wants her to go to bed NOW. Cue epic meltdown. TBF he did acknowledge that he did not deal with it well. Not sure what is harder to deal with, stroppy toddler or grumpy DP.

We're so lucky, we traded our HV for a specialist HV real early - wonky chromosomes, o3 and ng - they're awesome. One has a sn daughter, both have lots of experience. They understand it all

Hope the 2 year check goes well ruby! I didn't realise they still did that which means DD will have hers soon and I'll have to admit to them that she has chocolate spread on toast for dinner wholemeal bread though haha.

To be fair my OH does take her to some groups but only because I make him go

They might not snoopy our HV don’t do the 9/12m checks any more because they are too busy so I can see the same thing happening with the 2yr checks.

Good luck with yours Ruby

DH takes DS swimming which he loves but he refuses to go to soft play because ‘people might try and talk to me and it’ll be ackward’

Oh no. DD1 is being lovely. Sitting beside me singing whilst I feed her sister. Unfortunately the words to her little ditty are " bugger, bugger, bugger me".

Took DD to a soft play this morning, she ended up seeing one of her Nursery friends. They were inseparable, it was adorable.

And then went to MILs this afternoon and some how ended up in the supermarket with DH without DD, first time I've been able to shop without a pushchair in over 2 years, was lovely but odd as I had to carry my shopping!

Hope it went well Ruby.

Belle I'm trying not to laugh but not being very successful

Oh bless her Belle. DS has an egg on his head from falling over whilst I was looking at clothes. For him if that's any defence. He's currently watching Guardians of the Galaxy aka Owls oh not swapped already. How can my 2'6 yo work the sodding X Box?

What's worse is that I have to take the blame for this one. DP fs and blinds all the time, but she never copies him. I said bugger me once, months ago and this is what she copies.

Belle DD pointed at her friend at Nursery and said "pk after hearing it from my mother, was so embarrassed...DH and I don't swear in front of her

Belle sorry, that did make me laugh. They always parrot the things you really really didnt want them to hear!

Day 6 of 7 without DH tomorrow. This week has kicked my arse. It is 4.30. We've been up since 4. DS refused to nap all afternoon yesterday and refused to be put down so ended up doing playdoh and making fairy cakes while jiggling whinging baby. He screamed while I bathed DD and while I made her dinner. I was losing my shit. Then he fell asleep at 5.30. hurray, I thought. Except now he is up for the day at 4.

I am ridiculously tired. I don't know what I'm going to do today but it is already stretching ahead of me endlessly and I feel like crying.

Plus DH has just texted complaining about the fact he has to sit on a plane home for 23 hours. I would do literally anything for 23 hours peace.

LOL Belle

Wolves, hope you get some sort of break today (nap time?) and that your DH comes home and takes over for a while so you can sleeeeep!! We are all sending you (or as needed!) with big hugs. Childcare sucks sometimes and men rarely notice/ appreciate it; my DTs are 2.3 now and my DP has never, and I mean never, looked after them for the day on his own. He once took them out 10am - 4pm to an event with his mum & dad - literally gave them to his DP to look after all day, he just did the driving - and when he got back he refused to have dinner with the DC as he'd 'had them all day and deserved a break'

Our 2 year check was postponed, the kind lady offered to come to my house instead! She was a nursery nurse rather than a HV so I assume our HVs are short staffed and asking for assistance from other sectors? She's coming round in a fortnight anyway, not too long to wait.

Thank you Belle. In fairness my DH has acknowledged how hard this week is on me and has said he wouldn't have coped were roles reversed. But I still think he takes for granted the fact that it will never be reversed because I don't have a job that requires travel/ am breastfeeding a bottle refuser every hour.

DD doesn't do naptime anymore unfortunately but we have quiet time, which is now. DS is asleep, a godawful programme called Word Party is on TV and I am eating a secret biscuit in the kitchen.

We actually had our 2 year check this morning. One of the things I had to do was do a series of actions and count how many she copied - opening and closing mouth, patting cheek, pulling ear lobe etc. She didn't copy any of them, she just looked at me and said "why are you doing that mummy?" which I thought was reasonable but equaled a cross in her book. We also had a cause for concern because she doesn't engage other children in play, she still plays alongside them and in most cases ignores them entirely.

Funny how I often just come out of these things with a list of new shit I have to worry about!

A week without dh would kill me Wolves. Hang on in there. He'll be home soon!

Dd has started to say things like "oh my God". I didn’t even realise we said it cry much but we must do!

Thanks snuggly and also Ruby, who I just realised I mixed up with Belle earlier. My excuse is sleep deprivation!

upthewolves my son would look at me like I was crazy too. He will stick his tongue out back but only if he feels like playing. He is just too cool for me.

If your user name is indicative of where you live our kids can ignore each other some time and give us condescending looks if you need coffee company.

In our house ignoring other kids is a win because he no longer cries when they come near him or refuses to walk past them! Just think how much less bitchy offices would be if people did what our kids did and just ignored people they didn't want to talk to instead of creating drama. Our kids are leading the charge for peace haha

And I did one weekend without DH so basically Thursday at work, Thursday night out then Friday work then away and home Sunday and it nearly killed me.

Annoyingly he's done 4 or 5 days when I've been away volunteering and coped but he does have his mom come visit for a few hours a couple of days (for company not help) and of course he isn't doing it day in day out for years. But still, I'd like him to be a bit more frazzled when I get home!!

People always offer to help dh if he's on his own with the kids. He doesn't ask them to, in fact he finds it quite patronising!

My good run has come to a crashing end. No sleep for the third night as DD2 looks like she has colic and can only sleep upright on me.
DD1 is batshit mental. Stuff getting hurled left right and centre. Snot flying, shrieking and DP is currently having his kitchen workplace inspected by environmental health. And Andy's bastard dinosaur adventures has been removed from cbeebies so I can't even pull that out of the bag. Going to be a loooooonnnng day.

I series link the best shows so they record automatically. Number blocks, Yakka Dee, Magic Door, Small potatoes.

Is Andy on YouTube Belle? We watch loads of Peppa that way as Netflix only have a few series on there. Or Prehistoric Adventures is still on iPlayer if that would help! Other than that, I feel your pain, DS1 has been up since 5.30am when DP got up for the toilet, and that's been hard work enough

I didn't think my sleep deprivation was that bad wolves but I've just brought clean sofa covers downstairs and put them straight into the machine to wash. Didn't even occur to me that I might not have done something right till I looked at the sofa and thought "you know, I really should change those covers"

Hope your DH is back now and giving you a break. My DP would insist that he could manage perfectly well but all he'd do is take the DC to his mum's 24/7 and let her cope!! Having said that he's just called me to say he's working tomorrow - will be a long day entertaining two toddlers for me.....

How is everyone doing today? Everyone surviving?

DS is currently being quite good, but he is getting a slightly wild look in his eye - the weather here is vile so we are stuck indoors. Hoping it will clear enough for us to at least go into the garden later. I am frazzled to the point that I managed to walk into the house and leave the car engine running - DH realised about 20 minutes later when he went out to shut the gate

I am waiting for our 2 year check - apparently, the HVs here ask the child their questions directly?! That's going to be a fairly one-sided conversation for us 🙄

Sleeping I am going to remember that great perspective on the toddler behaviour! Thank you! Would absolutely love to drink coffee and watch our kids ignore each other but my username is actually a song reference and I'm in Perth, Australia.

Belle and Ruby, solidarity fist bump re: sleep deprivation. I often think all of this would be so much easier if I was just getting more sleep. I think this is why when my well-rested childless friends come over they think everything my children do is adorable.