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Original poster

My child isn’t invited to wedding

110 replies

Megan1357 · 06/01/2018 22:36

Hi, after some advice my friend is getting married in a few weeks I am party of the wedding party. My child will be 2 years old but he’s not invited to the wedding.i originally didn’t give it much thought but now it’s bothering me. She is his godmother and whilst I understand no children will be there other than family I don’t like that my child isn’t invited and we are expected to leave him. How would you mumsnetters feel?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

sandgrown · 07/01/2018 08:35

I was going to say could you.mum or somebody stay nearby to.look after DS for the actual wedding day. We only had family DC at DD's wedding and that was only because all the family and friends were there so there was nobody to look after them! Because of the cost,and size of venue,we would have had to exclude some adult guests we wanted there if we had invited children.

Original poster

Megan1357 · 07/01/2018 08:36

I didn’t realise it was three days to start with, my husband is coming to the wedding but again is best man! They are such good friends and we all see each other all the time, yes I agree who would look after our child whilst we are having pictures? I know all this and I agree taking my two year old to this wedding isn’t practical all but it still doesn’t make me enthusiastic about leaving him for three days. But thanks for all the comments will get on with it and I know he’ll be absolutely fine with his auntie

OP posts:

MiddleClassProblem · 07/01/2018 08:39

Why can’t auntie come and stay near the wedding? Several of us have suggested it...

Is the wedding over 3 days or is it 2 travel days?

Either way you can’t take him anyway with no one to look after him there! I’m not sure you’ve thought it through at all! Where is B&G’s child?

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treaclesoda · 07/01/2018 08:42

I feel for you OP. My children are much older and I'd hate to leave them for three days.

Original poster

Megan1357 · 07/01/2018 08:45

Their child will obviously be at the wedding. Auntie doesn’t want to travel up their and I understand why she says he’s fine with her at home there is no need for her travel with us. Well it’s the night before wedding they want us there the wedding day itself and the day after they are doing another gathering if you like where the family and wedding party are attending. Its really not as big of a deal as it’s been made out I was simply asking how other people would feel and ultimately know that I’m going and my child isn’t.

OP posts:

MaisyPops · 07/01/2018 08:47

I love family weddings with children, but not everyone does.

People are well within their rights to have a child-free / family only kids wedding as long as they are equally understanding that some parents may choose to declinr (because they have very young children / can't arrange childcare / wedding is a distance so it's a bit much to put on family / are thosr people who are surgically attached to their children and won't go anywhere their darlings aren't invited 'just because')

It's not personal to your children.

Bobbybobbins · 07/01/2018 08:53

It's the couple's right to not invite children BUT it's your right to say that you may not be able to attend every part of the 3 day celebration - could you head back the morning after the wedding and miss the gathering the day after? One of my bridesmaids could not make the practice the day before my wedding as she was 8 months pregnant and this was fine!

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 07/01/2018 08:54

If you're a bridesmaid and your DH is best man, who were you planning to look after your toddler during actual ceremony?
Or is Little Johnny going to be standing at the front holding mummy's hand and demanding a wee?

EllaHen · 07/01/2018 08:58

There's no way I would have left dc2 for 3 days when he was 2. Dc1 would have handled it fine but not dc2. He would now though.

If you haven't already booked transport, I would consider skipping the before and after parties.

Only1scoop · 07/01/2018 08:58

I'd skip the last day and go home

MiddleClassProblem · 07/01/2018 09:01

Yup and leave it later to go on the way down if possible.

What’s to here it’s somehere you can only get to via seaplane which is one a day 😂

peanut2017 · 07/01/2018 09:03

It's the bride and grooms decision end of. At a family wedding recently and 3 year old was part of wedding party was acting up. Wouldn't walk down the aisle, chatting during ceremony. Mother had to take her outside.

I don't believe weddings are really the place for young children and actually it's not fair on them. It's a long day, alcohol around etc.

I know it can be a pain for childcare but I assume you had a few months to think about that.

Also you will enjoy it better without having to run after a 2 year old.

Enjoy the wedding and a day/night off

Only1scoop · 07/01/2018 09:03

'What’s to here it’s somehere you can only get to via seaplane which is one a day 😂'

peanut2017 · 07/01/2018 09:04

Also for the recent family wedding we didn't go to the day after thing and they were fine with that. People understand

MiddleClassProblem · 07/01/2018 09:08

*waits to hear

lifechangesforeverinjuly · 07/01/2018 09:10

No children at my wedding, apart from those in the wedding party.

I didn't want children running around, crying - as well as more expense. I also wanted their parents to have the opportunity to go somewhere without them and (hopefully!) have a good time.

bimbobaggins · 07/01/2018 09:13

You’ve not just tried to check into an Airbnb have you?
Yabu, you’ve known from the start he’s not invited but it’s only bothering you now. I wouldn’t bother going if it bothers you

skippykips · 07/01/2018 09:18

I get that people have child free weddings. That is great for them! But I do not leave my children with baby sitters not even my Mum, (during the day. My mum will very occasionally look after kids but I don't leave until they are all in bed) so I would have to decline. My friends would understand that, and wouldn't be peed off with me.
However, I wouldn't get worked up if my closest of friends didn't invite my DCs to their wedding. It is their day after all.

flumpybear · 07/01/2018 09:23

Sorry but you've known about this for a while now so just don't go! I turned down being a bridesmaid for the same reason, then just went to the evening do and husband stayed home - s friend was fine with that

RandomMess · 07/01/2018 09:24

I'm really shocked they haven't included your DC under the circumstances seeing as they have children to accommodate anyway. I'm all for child free but also accept that DC of the family/Bride or Groom party are an exception!

restingbemusedface · 07/01/2018 09:25

So don’t go for 3 days. Explain childcare and just go up for one night or whatever you can do. Surely you’ve thought about this before now?

junebirthdaygirl · 07/01/2018 09:28

I was at a wedding a few weeks ago. Little kids were climbing over the seats. The bridesmaids little guy was running up to join the wedding party in the church. It looked so stressful for her and her dh wasnt bestman. Believe me you do not need that stress. All l could think of was why are those children here. They were not enjoying it as wanted to run around . Even grandparents focus was on keeping an eye on gcs instead of being able to enjoy their own dcs wedding.
Make it a fun time for you and dh. You won't get many opportunities like this. Its ultimately good for your ds if his parents have some fun downtime too.

NataliaOsipova · 07/01/2018 09:30

I think I would feel a bit like you do, to be honest. That said, I'd respect that it was their decision.....and would expect them to respect mine when I said I couldn't go.

How long in advance have you known about all of this? Did you assume you could take your DC when you accepted the invitation/agreed to be a bridesmaid? If so, it's a bit tricky to pull out completely at this stage without looking rude. But there's no way I'd do the three day thing. Just go for the wedding and come home. Not unreasonable at all to say no to their family gathering and go back to your child. Three days is a long time.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 07/01/2018 13:24

God yes, MrsNjie, your toddler should have totally ranked above her husband to be in her affections, ha ha! You're kidding, right?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 07/01/2018 13:28

The three nights was quite a relevant point, was it not? I wonder why it only emerged as a drip feed when you were categorically told you were being unreasonable, op? 🤔

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