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Original poster

My child isn’t invited to wedding

110 replies

Megan1357 · 06/01/2018 22:36

Hi, after some advice my friend is getting married in a few weeks I am party of the wedding party. My child will be 2 years old but he’s not invited to the wedding.i originally didn’t give it much thought but now it’s bothering me. She is his godmother and whilst I understand no children will be there other than family I don’t like that my child isn’t invited and we are expected to leave him. How would you mumsnetters feel?

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FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 06/01/2018 23:16

Did you know about this when you said yes to being part of the wedding party or didn’t you, OP?

Iloveacurry · 06/01/2018 23:17

I am sorry but you’re being unreasonable. It’s your friend’s wedding, they are having just family kids there, not friends kids. Perhaps it’s a cost thing or they just don’t want loads of kids there! This is what I did 12 years ago when I got married. Go and enjoy a child free day.

MrsDilber · 06/01/2018 23:17

Yabu.

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Greensleeves · 06/01/2018 23:17

I just wouldn't go.

MiddleClassProblem · 06/01/2018 23:20

I was a bridesmaid an opted to not take my toddler to the wedding. my parents looked after her whilst DH and I had a rare night together woth old friends too. I want to talk to people, to dance, to not have to police her whilst eating fast to then be free for her. I love her to pieces but you just need some adult only conversation once in a while.

idontlikealdi · 06/01/2018 23:20

Their wedding their choice. If you don't like it don't go.

Atthebottomofthegarden · 06/01/2018 23:22

Yabu. To be frank she’d probably prefer it if the kids in her family weren’t there either, but has been given the 3 line whip! Under 5s are a PITA at weddings.

gamerchick · 06/01/2018 23:23

I’d be buzzing me, child free Grin

In fact if I could have got away not having my then 3 yr old at my own wedding I would have. He did not enjoy it.

Dancinggoat · 06/01/2018 23:23

He's not invited because children change the whole atmosphere of something. Not in a bad way but it becomes very different and not what they want. Just because you like all of us feel our children enhance everything others don't feel that way. Your friend doesn't want that and that's fair enough.

londonrach · 06/01/2018 23:27

Yabu. I had a child free wedding. If you cant go give your apologies. Their wedding, their choice and tbh i completely understand why child free and would understand if you couldnt attend.

londonrach · 06/01/2018 23:30

I have a toddler now and would welcome a child free wedding. Op you couldnt be a bridesmaid at the same time as looking after a toddler

Pennypickle · 06/01/2018 23:33

Child-free weddings are far more preferable. Your friends wedding....Her call. Your precious child is only precious to you. Get used to it

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/01/2018 23:36

How would you manage looking after your child, and doing your bit as part of the wedding party, @Megan1357?

I have been to weddings where my children were invited, and ones where they weren’t, and I respected the bride and groom’s choice.

If they invite your child, how can they refuse to invite the children of other close friends - and if space is limited at their venue, that might mean they can’t invite adults who they actually want there. That is why there were no children except close family at one wedding dh and I went to - we weren’t close family so our dses were not invited - and that was absolutely fine by me - it didn’t even occur to me to complain that my boys weren’t invited.

Dustbunny1900 · 06/01/2018 23:36

My DN (bless him) threw a hissy fit RIGHT when we were saying how’s and my mother had to miss my actual marriage Confused. There will be enough dickhead adults ruining things, no need for a screeching toddler

Dustbunny1900 · 06/01/2018 23:37

That should say vows

Giraffey1 · 06/01/2018 23:37

Their wedding, their choice. You aren’t family, and you know there are no children invited from non-family members. Get a babysitter nd enjoy your day. Your child won’t be missing out.

Branleuse · 06/01/2018 23:37

my kids arent invited to my brother wedding this year. Its a PITA for me, but its fairly common to have child free weddings and i wouldnt dream of saying anything. It does mean my dp cant go though which is a shame

BattleCuntGalactica · 06/01/2018 23:38

Folks don't always want kids as their weddings. You'll just have to find a sitter or other childcare. It's entirely reasonable to not want kids there. Depending on what kind of atmosphere they want, having kids about could be massively hindering.

Ohmyfuck · 06/01/2018 23:41

It's HER wedding and HER day. The focus is on the wedding couple and I think it's entirely reasonable for her not to invite a toddler.

MrsNjie · 07/01/2018 00:15

Yanbu - I think people are too precious about their weddings anyway though... It's one day, get a grip. (I got married in Africa at a registry office, had lunch, had a nap and went to the beach- no fuss, no expense, no arguments about guestlists...perfect!)

I think she should consider her Godson as family... I was upset when my best friend was thinking of not inviting my son to her massive wedding when he'd been in her life a lot longer than her future husband... I was also bridesmaid.

PodgeBod · 07/01/2018 00:20

I would be annoyed. It's not completely child free if family kids are there and I think a godchild should count as family or as special as family at least.

Original poster
Megan1357 · 07/01/2018 08:19

Wow! Didn’t expect so many responses! Yes I understand it’s her day and that some people don’t want children at their weddings. I will have to leave my child for three nights which is why I’m a bit uneasy about it, the wedding is not close to me. Of course I would never let my friend down and not be her bridesmaid because of this especially at such short notice, after all it is my fault for leaving it so late to actually think about it. She has a child of similar age and I just think would she be so fourth coming to leave her child for three days. I’m sure a lot of mums wouldn’t want to do this so maybe should have explained that to start with but I know I’ll get on with it as I accepted to be bridesmaid and he will be in safe hands. Thank you for all the kind worded posts and to the not so kind worded 😝

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 07/01/2018 08:24

OP you didn't mention having to leave your child for three days in your original post. When I read your first post I thought you meant you'd be leaving your child for maybe 12 hours or so. Not three days.

When she asked you to be bridesmaid did you know that it would involve three days away from home, and would be child free? Or is it just crossed wires? As in you assumed your child would be coming too and she assumed that you had accepted on the understanding that it was adults only?

MiddleClassProblem · 07/01/2018 08:26

Sorry but why 3 nights? Is there anyone who can come with you and watch him in the area the wedding is for the day? Are you a single parent? If so who is meant to look after him when you walk down the aisle etc

UnitedKungdom · 07/01/2018 08:27

A 2 year old at a wedding is a pain in the ass for everyone. You'd need to really want them there as a B&G. And I guess that at the age of marriage lots of friends have toddlers. Best to not invite them all.

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