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Original poster

My child isn’t invited to wedding

110 replies

Megan1357 · 06/01/2018 22:36

Hi, after some advice my friend is getting married in a few weeks I am party of the wedding party. My child will be 2 years old but he’s not invited to the wedding.i originally didn’t give it much thought but now it’s bothering me. She is his godmother and whilst I understand no children will be there other than family I don’t like that my child isn’t invited and we are expected to leave him. How would you mumsnetters feel?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Bananarama12 · 06/01/2018 22:54

I'm looking forward to a child free night!

cathyclown · 06/01/2018 22:56

Getting a deja vu feeling here now.

Kids not invited. Either go and have kid minded off site, or decline.

It is easy isn't it.

It is not YOUR wedding it is theirs.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/01/2018 22:57

Yo can’t ask her to change her bind and invite your child so you either arrange childcare and go or apologise profusely for no longer being able to attend and drop out. It’s very short notice for the latter.

I’d feel fine about it. It’s their wedding and you knew the deal when you accepted the invitation to both attend and be part of the wedding party.

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2 year olds Families General parenting

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 06/01/2018 22:58

Why are you so desperate to bring your two year old, op?!

WitchesHatRim · 06/01/2018 22:58

Wouldn't have an issue

RavenWings · 06/01/2018 22:59

whilst I understand no children will be there other than family I don’t like that my child isn’t invited and we are expected to leave him.

"but but but my ickle preshus is special, of course mine should be invited over the other non-related children, how can I possibly leave my snowflake, how dare the rules apply to me too..."

Absolutely ridiculous OP. A two year old does not need to attend a wedding. Either go, or don't go, easy decision. But stop this whinging and thinking your child is extra special.

RavingRoo · 06/01/2018 23:01

You’re not family, and only family children are permited. It is what it is. You don’t have to accept the invite.

catladyinthemaking · 06/01/2018 23:02

Why would you want to take a 2yo to a wedding?
He’d be so bored and you’d spend the whole time trying to keep him quite and entertained instead of enjoying yourself.

OutComeTheWolves · 06/01/2018 23:03

Have you ever taken a toddler to a wedding op? It's a fecking nightmare.

Even when my brood are invited, I don't bring them (unless it's a family wedding). I take the opportunity to wear nice clothes without getting covered in snot and food, drink lots of prosecco & get drunk with dh.

Graphista · 06/01/2018 23:03

It's a few weeks away now - how long have you actually known he wasn't invited?

I love kids, was a nanny and childminder and for my wedding the kids went on the list of guests first (if I could have I'd have had an adult free wedding )

BUT this is HER and her grooms wedding, not yours.

I'm guessing you knew fairly early on ds not invited and so had the choice either to attend and arrange childcare or not attend. You didn't have to agree to either go or be in the wedding party.

UnicornsandRainbows1 · 06/01/2018 23:04

whilst I understand no children will be there other than family I don’t like that my child isn’t invited

It doesn't matter that you don't like it. You've just explained here why he's not invited and whether she's the godmother or not, if they don't want children/children other than family there than that's the couple's call

expatinscotland · 06/01/2018 23:05

A 2-year-old at a wedding is a recipe for disaster.

cathyclown · 06/01/2018 23:05

Sorry folks, I don't mean to be BAAAD,

But a tiny wedding with two witnesses sounds so hassle free to me now.

Big party a few weeks after the honeymoon and it's all good. Or don't have the post marital party either, honestly most people hate weddings really!

Ask your friends or family and hear the groan.

I know some do..... but most do not.

I await the vitriol for my views.

ChocolatePodge · 06/01/2018 23:06

I wouldn't go if my children weren't invited. Or without my partner for that matter but everyone is different!

Rudi44 · 06/01/2018 23:08

But kids are invited? Family members? I have a god son and consider him to be family.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 06/01/2018 23:08

Or not, Catlady... I'll bet op is the type that would expect all other guests to be so entranced by her adorable bubba that they all take turns with his entertainment, monitor their language, turn the music down if it's too loud, make space on the dance floor if he wants to sprawl there playing with his cars, etc.
Op, nobody wants your 2 year old at what is effectively a night out clubbing.

BaronessBomburst · 06/01/2018 23:08

I went to three weddings when DS was little. I spent all three trying to keep him occupied, quiet, out of the lake, and fed appropriately and at appropriate times. All three were hard work. I pretty much missed all three ceremonies, and didn't get to sit and enjoy my meals. Children at a wedding are an absolute PITA.
YABU - enjoy a day off!

cathyclown · 06/01/2018 23:08

Oh and two year olds should be banned from every wedding too. The day is just far too long for them.

I love children but there is a time and a place.

FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 06/01/2018 23:09

We had a kids room / entertainers ar our wedding. I know that some people may think it’s weird but it was to prevent situations like this....

The issue is... usually I’d say ‘their marriage, their choice’. But the OP is a bridesmaid so she couldn’t decide to just not go to the wedding could she?

Graphista · 06/01/2018 23:11

Of course she could - there was no gun to her head either to be a bridesmaid or attend! She has choices

WitchesHatRim · 06/01/2018 23:13

The issue is... usually I’d say ‘their marriage, their choice’. But the OP is a bridesmaid so she couldn’t decide to just not go to the wedding could she?

Yes she could.

What exactly is she going to do with 2 weeks to go?

ReanimatedSGB · 06/01/2018 23:13

YABU of course. Toddlers are hell on earth at a formal occasion, particularly if there's only one (some people with large families which include a large number of small kids might decide it's worth it to hire a childminder and have the lot catered for in a side room but that's up to them.)
You would only NOT be unreasonable if you have no DP and no family to babysit your DC and your mate knows that childcare is going to be a problem for you.

2pups · 06/01/2018 23:14

I've been to weddings with kids - not much fun for anyone after the first 10 minutes.

They are bored, you can't relax, food is slow, they get tired.

Not fun!

FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 06/01/2018 23:14

But most children were still taken away by an aunt, uncle, parent...at one point.

Weddings aren’t necessarily the right place for children. Ours was loud, a lot of music, alcohol, all my relatives (my grandparents had a lot of siblings....)
Not quite the right place for a kid...would you take your child to a dance club / bar filled with people that have known each other for years / some would genuinely love to kill (or fuck...) each other? I mean, it’s fine at the start of the evening. But alcohol, music etc...

(But it’s probably fine for most calm / child friendly weddings, obviously. If they want you there!)

LookingForwardToChristmas · 06/01/2018 23:15

If it was something that bothered me, which it wouldn’t be, I would have declined the invite at the time. To not go now, or expect your child to be invited, would be really rude.

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