Anyone else not going to baby groups?

[pemberleypearl]

I have a 6 month old DD. I don't go to any groups. I'm quite introverted and have absolutely no desire to make small talk with a bunch of women who I'd only be talking to because they also have a baby. My mum though thinks I should go because DD will enjoy being with other babies. I do worry about that but can't seem to get over my feelings. Anyone else feel this way?

When my children were babies there weren't any groups to go to 😊 I had my friends and some of them had young children too, so sometimes we met at each other's place, in all comfort, and let the children play, eat, nap together. And we talked, sometimes complained, but also helped each-other. I have very fond memories of those moments. All of our children are adults now. Fully functioning adults I dare say! So my dear pemberleypearl, don't worry, life is possible without joining babygroups 😘

I really don't understand why people are making assumptions about op's parenting or personality. I think that if you want to join a group and you enjoy it that's great, I also think if you don't want to then that's great too. Your child will learn things from either choice as they get older, I decided not to go to them as they are not for me personally and I feel it is important to teach your children to be comfortable in their own skin and not to do things just because they think they should now my ds is older we do activities of his choosing and with friends he has made by himself, rather than friends of mine and even though we didn't do the baby group thing he isn't socially awkward in the slightest which in itself has forced me to chat with other parents. I think each to their own but there is I need to be horrible about someone else's choices try being supportive and if you've nothing nice or constructive to say why bother ?

"I feel it is important to teach your children to be comfortable in their own skin"

I so agree loz12345.

I didn't particularly like the toddler groups. I found they were a bit cliquey - I felt like I didn't fit in or didn't share common values (i.e. there was an underlying religious vibe at the ones at churches - although they weren't religious as such, a lot of people going their talked about their faith etc). we got on much better with classes were you actually did something for half an hour or so. But it makes no difference to your child if you go to them or not - children socialise later on at nursery/school etc. It really is a matter of personal choice

Two kids and never made any friends at mother & baby groups. I have no interest in how many cath kids on changing bags they own or what they cook for their husbands dinner... and from my experience of different groups spanning 8 years many attendees are this shallow. Don’t dare discuss politics, academics etc doesn’t go down well.

I know loads of people who’ve made good friends at such groups but I’m not one of them.

I like baby groups. I don’t mind pretending I don’t see 'cliques' or as I like to call them, people who know each other. I enjoy the structure of having something planned. I like spending time with children a similar age as my D.C. so I can see how they all compare.

The village group was an excellent thing as now my eldest goes to the school and I’m not thrown into a group of people who all know each other but not me. And they know my kid too.

Lots of plus points.

I don't think I've been sneering? I apologise if I've offended anyone.
Sorry OP I didn't mean you by that, there's just a few posts which imply it's a certain sort of person who goes to baby groups, who couldn't possibly hold a conversation about anything other than nappies. I dare say some are like that. But some of us are normal, intelligent women who just want to get out of the fucking house.

Not to worry :)

I can't judge women anyway if they do want to just talk about their baby. I've been like that a few times myself!

ROFL at introverts being selfish and terrible parents. Ah yes, all of those children taken by social services because their parents didn't enjoy small talk @Boomerangs have a day off and go to a playgroup to enrich your kids and ensure you aren't selfish you won't be missed I can assure you

I go to baby sensory once a week, but only because my best friend goes who is also on mat leave! I wouldn’t go if it wasn’t for that.

DD is 7 months old, and she is just as happy looking round the supermarket or coming on dog walks. I really think that groups are more for parents benefit at this age (which is no bad thing!).

If it’s not for you, don’t sweat it!

Crickey, some big judgey-pants on this board!

OP, I take my 15mo to something most days, but that's because I enjoy the variety. She seems to like the activities, but it's me that she interacts with so with some effort those could be replicated at home just as well. I'd have to spend some money to give her that variety of experience, but I'm currently paying for classes on two days, so I bet there wouldn't be much in it. She very much enjoys being out of the house so she can run around and explore, but the park, the pet store and museums are all just as fun to her.

Classes are ONE way of providing a stimulating environment for a baby/toddler. Chose whatever way works for you and your family. As many others have said, babies don't really start developing peer interactions till the age of two, so you can always have a rethink later on if that seems appropriate.

So glad I saw this thread. My first baby is 3 months old and i feel the constant pressure to take her to groups but i have no desire to go- why does everyone assume mums want to do this and why is there so much pressure- people saying I "should" take her to this and that group?
Like other people here have said at 3 months she won't be interacting with other babies not for a while yet. Im quite introverted too and the idea of making small talk and trying to speak to other mums who willl no doubt form cliques is really uncomfortable for me. I like making friends but more of a one on one basis -groups are not my thing so think I'll reserve this to when she's old enough to interact.

i never went to any of these, I'm socially anxious as it is but the thought of sitting around talking to mum's about baby stuff all day made me want to slit my throat. i took my son out to parks and to town and to meet friends or family, we got out and about a lot anyway. i don't think it benefits everyone. if u don't want to go then dont.

I'm a huge introvert but went to loads of baby/toddler groups as I found I was really unhappy being on my own with a baby all day (no extended family around). I preferred the church hall type ones as they were friendlier. Usually DD would sleep in her sling whilst I was there and being out of the house made maternity leave seem survivable. I liked talking to the parents of older toddlers so I could see it did get better! But not everyone feels like I did!

Now DD is two and I still go to some of those groups (work part-time and she goes to nursery). What I really appreciate about them now is that they provide things like painting and glueing activities every week so I don't have to do all that at home! And there are more toys for her to play with there - big ride on toys and climbing frames/slides which we haven't got at home so it gives her different play options. She also now enjoys interacting with the other children. So, even if you don't want to now with a baby, they are worth looking into when she's bigger.

Oh, I found the groups at the children's centre were the best for avoiding parental interaction! They are very focused on child development and don't provide drinks for parents so you are meant to interact with your child not sit around chatting all the time whilst drinking tea (this is why my DH took her there as he hated all the interaction at other groups!!)

My son didn't do well at structured groups, we tried messy play, music one and a sensory one. They're so expensive so we tried a few HV ones instead and we were the only people there twice so just took the pressure of myself. We both hated it. He got overwhelmed and never likes getting mucky/messy or being spoken to by strangers.

I used to go swimming with a friend that also had a baby when he was about 9m, i did the park with grand parents/ friends with/without kids and also went to a stay and play at a sensory space.

Now we do play gyms and they're hell on earth, today he got scratched and bitten by a stray 2yo, last two times he's ended up with a sickness bug the next day. But he enjoys it so will persevere for him.

Your baby is still so young, as s/he gets older you'll take him places to burn off energy. S/he will develop perfectly normally without sticking their fingers in spaghetti and sitting on tin foil.

Have to say some of these comments are brilliant and I'm so happy I'm not the only one who agrees with the sentiment in this discussion. I personally think people that are drumming on about baby groups are just adding to the pressure that new mums are already under. I'm all up for baby classes like music, sensory, massage etc as there's an element of learning something new and you might meet some cool people while you're there (if you're lucky) . But baby groups are a waste of time if you're not a person who enjoys them and people shouldn't feel as if they are somehow depriving their child of crucial development milestones if they don't go. Baby groups for the most part are unfortunately full of fake, competitive and sometimes bitch women sorry.

I went to loads with DD1 as I wanted to make local friends and it was a way in. Also, I quite enjoyed them.

Then with dd2 I tried a few again, but couldn’t be bothered/was bored rigid/didn’t want to talk about babies anymore. Dd2 has not been damaged by this and in fact is far more social than DD1 ever has been.

If you don’t want to go, don’t.

I do recommend swimming though (not classes - just go). Both mine love being In The water