Anyone else not going to baby groups?

[pemberleypearl]

I have a 6 month old DD. I don't go to any groups. I'm quite introverted and have absolutely no desire to make small talk with a bunch of women who I'd only be talking to because they also have a baby. My mum though thinks I should go because DD will enjoy being with other babies. I do worry about that but can't seem to get over my feelings. Anyone else feel this way?

Doesn’t have to be their exact age but just other young children. I’m not going to engage in some sort of discussion as it bleeding obvious children need a social life. I’m surprised that some parents think it’s ok for their children to not see/spend time with other children.

I think children need to socialise but not necessarily exclusively with children at 6 months old!

Don't engage now if you want but you were quite happy to call me selfish. Just because you want to go to a group with a 6 month old, doesn't make others selfish for not doing so.

If it helps - I did all the groups. DS has met almost every baby in town on a weekly basis - he couldn't care less about it. He doesn't recognise them (although he does recognise their mums!) and they don't recognise each other. Kids don't make friendships until between the ages of 2.5 and 3 years. It'll be fine 😊

Yes my DD loves adults and recognises lots. She's a very happy friendly baby but I keep her close to me. I think this security is what has helped her be so friendly.

Most of my actual friends have kids the same age as me so I’ve never really bothered to go. We just meet up at soft play/each other’s houses instead. The few times I have gone have always been with friends too so I’ve always had someone. I don’t think they have any benefit to the child until they are toddlers, and then you spend most of your time being a referee.

I felt like this. Hated the idea of groups. Like to chat but I am quite introverted.
However, energetic 18 month old and exhausted pregnant with second child I decided to give it a go. It was great. My son got to run around, play with different toys, experience a loud, busy environment. The volunteers at the group would play with him so he got to speak to other adults.
Turned out a lot of the children he played with there went on to go to the same pre school and now school as him so it helped him to have familiar faces there.
I didn’t enjoy it as such, but it has been massively beneficial to both of us.

I went to Hartbeeps (music and sensory) and Waterbabies. DS loved both (adores bathtimes so loves swimming with Mummy, and loves sparkly things, lights and people singing to him so loves Hartbeeps).

I don’t have any particular drive to make Mum Friends - I have my existing friends, and most of them have children so I have people to chat to about baby stuff already. I don’t really socialise with the other mums at groups except to say hello at the start. It’s all one to one time with DS. But some things (like a swimming pool) I can’t provide at home. Plus he likes going out and grinning at random strangers so he loves it.

I used to do a Mum and Baby Pilates class and that was quite social, but the main point for me was the pilates not the socialising. I wouldn’t bother with a stay’n’play or mums’ coffee morning. I’d rather take him for a walk.

PMSL at a 6mo “learning” from another baby. DS barely even registers that other babies exist. Loves trying to steal attention from their mums (and particularly dads - there’s one dad at swimming who DS is in LOVE with 😂). But he just sees the other babies as part of the furniture.

Babies need to socialise with other people, particularly their primary carer, but not specifically other children until they are about 18-24mo.

@Pop24 babies learn from each other hahahhahhaha babies learn from their main caregivers. Everyone knows that, they lean body language, facial expressions, sounds, gestures and words from their caregiver. For the first couple of years the caregiver is the only 'social' person that is needed in a baby's life. That's how they learn how to interact with people, and THEN at 2/3 years of age, when they start recognising that other children exist and are real beings, they start to lean about making friends, using their social techniques learnt from the (you guessed it) - MAIN CAREGIVER

PMSFL I can just picture two 6mo at a playgroup plotting on the best way to steal snacks from mummy's handbag

I second what Prosecco has said and so would any child psychologist.

Please don't worry OP, a 6 month old baby does not need to socialise with other 6 month old babies they just need their primary caregiver at this very very young stage.

I haven't been to any with my 5 month old - I could never get the confidence to go plus I'm not really that great at making small talk.

I heard about one from one of these meet other mums apps.. one lady said oh come along I'll meet you before so we can go together so you won't have to walk in on your own. So I got dd all ready and walked to meet her, stood out in the cold waiting for her for 30 mins dd got fed up in the pram and I messaged her 3 times but no reply so I went home. Never bothered again after that.

When my children were little (many years ago) there were no baby groups or massage etc. At the health visitor's suggestion we set up a mother and toddler group. As well as a weekly group we did trips, fundraising activities and nights out for the mums. Some of those women are still my close friends nearly 40 years later. I know groups are not for everybody but I like to think we helped some mums who were lonely.

I went to two and found them very hard work - I had no problem BF and an easy birth. Upset a lot of mums there who had difficulty feeding or a hard birth. Apparently its not allowed to discuss these things...

If you find the right ones, then they are brilliant - great fun for the kids, and you get to chat, drink coffee and meet new people who may possibly become friends. If you're not working or going back to work, then you do have to make a bit of an effort to find friends who are in the same situation as you, becaue they're not just there iyswim.
They are not all the same though, which is why I think it's important not to dismiss all of them having just tried one or two. I've been to many, many groups with my two (ds1 is now 10yo, ds2 is 2.8yo), and I've had some awful experiences. But I've also had a brilliant time and have ended up making great friends. It helps if you joing groups which do something you like too - I'd never go to baby swimming as I loathe it, but I'm in our library toddler group because I love reading.

Ps. Am a little relived my kids isn't the only one ignoring all the babies and just trying to charm the mums!

I’m also an introvert and very shy but I make a conscious effort to go to baby groups

1. it gets me out my comfort zone and I would like to make mummy friends.

2. I’m paranoid my DS will end up like me if I don’t give him the opportunity to interact with new babies/adults.

I go to more structured classes like rhymetime and swimming lessons as they are much less daunting then going into a room and having to mingle otherwise being the one sitting alone.

I think it depends clearly on whether you want to make mummy friends. I have none and this doesn't bother me.

When my child is older she will probably benefit from socialising with children, but I don't believe this is required yet.

I’ve a three month old DD. We do lots of social stuff, but it’s all for me! I love having the opportunity to make friends. Do what works for you. Yes when she’s older she’ll need your help to learn how to interact with other adults and children, but at six months??!

Yeah, I think it does depend on the mother wanting to make friends and I’m sure everyone is probably right about babies not needing social interaction until 2-3.

But for me personally, I want my DS to not have too many of my quiet and shy traits and if he does, I’ll forever be thinking “is it because I never took him to interact with babies from a young age”. I want him to grow up being confident and happy as I’m sure you do for your DD so I take him to baby groups (just in case). They also get us out the house which I like.

I'd agree that really between age 2-3 groups are helpful; before that it's more about the parents. My twins are 3 in march and we do a group most days. They ask to go once we've done school run and there is much sadness if we're not off to playgroup. Good practice for nursery next year. Also good to get the endless colds out the way before school.

You sound incredibly defensive about this. It's fine if you choose not to attend these groups but deriding someone who went after you to ensure you knew what support in the community is available, is rather mean.

Your baby won't be six months forever and having local contacts and even yes, Mummy friends, could be valuable as your child gets older and you can't sit simply cuddling them all day.

Having people whose children are developing around the same time, sickening with the same bugs, applying to the same childcare and schools, facing problems trying to retain balance in their relationship whilst parenting, etc can be invaluable.

If you’re not that bothered about it then don’t post a thread on it. If you are fine with not going to them and having no Mum friends then that’s your choice . Some people do some people don’t

I don't wish to be mean about the person who ran after me and I'm sorry if I have been. I just didn't understand why they couldn't take several previous "no thank you"s. It's like asking someone if they're fine. You are, and you say so - several times. After a while you end up being annoyed!

I guess I started the thread because I wished to explore my feelings. Thanks for your input everyone. I still feel like k Don't want to make friends with local mum's but I do acknowledge that may change in future.

I am friendly I promise though! I probably am coming across as bitchy :(

If you think your baby is fine without them and you don't want to go to any activities with them then why do you care? It's working for you, crack on.

Personally I do plan on taking my baby to some groups next year just to get me out of the house and talking to adults during the day. I have plenty of friends already, many with children, but they are all at work during the day and I find being stuck at home with a baby isolating. No need to sneer at people for wanting to meet other mums. And I'm sure my baby will feel secure enough to be friendly (what a bizarre statement) even if I force her to meet other babies.

I don't think I've been sneering? I apologise if I've offended anyone.