Anyone else not going to baby groups?

[pemberleypearl]

I have a 6 month old DD. I don't go to any groups. I'm quite introverted and have absolutely no desire to make small talk with a bunch of women who I'd only be talking to because they also have a baby. My mum though thinks I should go because DD will enjoy being with other babies. I do worry about that but can't seem to get over my feelings. Anyone else feel this way?

My son in nearly 10 months old. We've been to the odd group and baby yoga but it's not really my scene. The only one we do go to regularly, but not every week, is a rhyme time at the library. I enjoy that as we are learning rhymes that we can sing at home, including Welsh ones (dad's side of the family are Welsh speaking so he will be too) it's free and something to do, and We also get lots of books out. I talk to the other parents but it's casual which I like. Aside from that, I don't bother as it's not my scene. Plus, I'm back in work part time so time is another factor now. We do the food shop one day a week so he gets lots of interaction with that at 10 months old! Lots of people fussing over him (which he loves!), sounds, colours, me talking to him, etc. I personally think he gets more stimulation from the weekly shop than baby groups.

Don't feel obligated to go if you don't want to. Perhaps try a few out to get a feel for things then go from there

Im also quite introverted/socially inept in these situations so I do classes rather than groups. Things like swimming groups or baby sensory- I look at it as a good way to spend some really nice time with DD doing things that she loves. The thought of just bowling up to one where you sit around in circles drinking tea fills me with absolute dread tbh.

I never bothered. I can’t imagine anything worse than sitting in a room of people i don’t know trying to make small talk while running around after an energetic baby.

For some people though, they are a real lifeline as being at home with a baby can be incredibly isolating.

It’s completely up to you, but your LO won’t suffer with just you and your family for company.

I've done all of them with DS but I've quite chatty so it's been fine. There are some groups that aren't that friendly but DS is one now so we go for the change of scenery and toys for him - he genuinely enjoys it and I don't care if I'm talking to others or not as we're too busy having fun together.

DD is 2 and a half and I’ve taken her twice. The groups local to me are horrid - poorly run, bitchy and cliquey. 🤔

I hated most groups. I found they were populated by the local NCT groups and the women were only I interested in talking to each other. Cliquey and horrid

I found them a real lifeline despite being introverted - but I hated being stuck inside so it was somewhere to go/a change of scenery. I never found them the hellish places full of cliques and bitches they are sometimes represented as on here either. All that said, they're not essential at all and if you don't fancy them and you and your baby are happy enough as you are then I wouldn't bother.

Your baby might not know the difference at 6mo but it won't be long before they will definitely benefit from activities and interacting with other children. Its not imperative to get that from going to groups if you have a circle of friends or family with kids or if dc will soon be going to nursery. I would personally give it a go before you knock it, you might be surprised by how much you both enjoy it.

I found baby and toddler groups very forced and artificial (and in most cases very competitive) so I stopped going. Nobody suffered, nobody's development was stunted and nobody is a quivering agoraphobic wreck because of this.
If you like it, go. If you don't like it, stay at home. Whatever works for you, really. I doubt it will make any long term difference to your baby.

Hmm some mixed opinions.

I definitely do not want to go atm. My DD is the only baby/young kid in the family at the minute but she gets lots of attention from her aunts and uncles and cousins (older). I haven't planned to send her to nursery for some time as my mum would be looking after her when I go back to work part time. I don't want to hold her back but equally can't easily change my personality just because have a baby.

Ah, there's an easy solution right there. Get your mum to take her when she looks after her!

I went to baby massage classes. My baby was 6 weeks old. Everyone else's baby was 9-12 months. Which means they all talked between themselves and I was left out. As the class holder said 6 week old babies dont do much
My baby lay on her mat while all the other crawled and played with toys. I gave up after 3 weeks.

She probably will tbh. My mum's a chatter :)

But I'm currently in denial about having to leave the baby to go back to work at all. I've left her 3 times, 2 times for an hour and once for 2 hours. Each of those times with my mum and auntie but I hated it and couldn't wait to get back!

OP I am exactly the same. Five month old baby and up until yesterday I had been to no groups whatsoever.
But I booked her a Xmas baby sensory class as a kind of Xmas present.
I bloody hated it
It’s not for me. All the mums were regulars and knew each other. I nearly walked out before it even started. I forced myself to go in. Baby didn’t care about being there. Didn’t seem like she enjoyed it. She epically kicked off 10mins before the end when a balloon touched her. In a rush to get out I pulled my back picking up the car seat and shoved 2oz of milk that she didn’t finish in my handbag and when I got home it had leaked everywhere
(There was a couple there with a newborn baby that slept through the entire thing.... it cost £15!! What a waste?!?)
I promised myself that after Xmas I would start taking her to groups but it’s put me off. I’m 32 and all my friends had babies mid 20s so I don’t really know anyone with a baby. She starts nursery in April and I feel like when she starts she won’t even know other kids exist ! But I feel like I’m forcing myself to do things that aren’t my scene when she probably won’t even care if she’s there or playing at home!

I didn't do any and dd is very sociable, she has lots of friends at nursery, it hasn't affected her development at all, if you don't want to go don't.

“but I do wonder why on earth she felt the need to run after me.”

Because many new mums feel isolated. I did. I was very grateful that I could take DD to toddler groups. I don’t originate from the area and knew no-one at all. You are lucky that you have your family on your doorstep. I didn’t have that.

No introvert likes it but you’re being selfish. You have to suck it up and go for the sake of dd. She needs to socialise with other babies. It’s simply not fair to keep kids in isolation with only adult company.

Yes I am aware that many mum's find them lovely which is great! I don't want mum's being isolated. However I am allowed to be annoyed by what I find rather intrusive and repetitive "caring". I've had to say many times that I'm not interested!

Please do tell me how a 6 month old socialises....

I would say you should put her in nursery unless your mum is prepared to go when you go back to work.

You didn't answer how a 6 month old socialises. And funnily enough even though my HV has suggested groups she certainly hasn't said that it's selfish not to go!

They love other babies. They learn from them, they like and need company their own age as much as we do. Honestly I was the same as you and then I decided I had to go when my dd was 6 m. I’ve never looked back. Have some friends who have not socialised theirs much and it really really shows especially when they come to start nursery.

But you’re choosing to avoid something because you Don’t like it that would hugely benefit dd, sorry yes it’s selfish. I know I’ve been there but it’s really not as bad as it seems.

Why should a 6mo be in nursery? They will get plenty of socialising when they start talking

Why necessarily their own age? The groups wouldn't even necessarily be her age children. One group is all under-1s so could include 2 month old and 11 month olds, so my DD wouldn't be at their point, developmentally. I mean, there are other babies at baby clinic but none of them are too interested in each other. Like my DD, they just want Mum.