Does your toddler have meltdowns like this?

[daimbar]

My 2.5 year old DD has at least one meltdown like this a day (usually 2 or 3) and I thought it was fairly standard until I had to take her home in a taxi yesterday and the taxi driver said he had four children and he’d never seen anything like it.
⁃ comes out of nowhere over nothing (or something trivial like she has put her shoes on the wrong feet.
⁃ Starts with screaming, shouting and throwing herself on the floor (often banging her head quite hard)
⁃ Screams intensely if I go near her or touch her. Claws at my face, tries to scratch my eyes
⁃ She has wild, unfocused eyes - similar to when she had night terrors when she was younger.
⁃ Thrashes about, kicks, screams for approx 20-30 minutes. Any attempt to touch or speak to her just prolongs it
⁃ Once she has ‘come around’ she’s quite meek and often wants to cuddle

Does this sound normal? Or should I worry? She sleeps and eats well so I don’t think it’s down to being hungry or tired.

I only have experience of my daughter but to me this sounds absolutely normal.

And my parents tell me I was the same.
I'm still prone to having occasional tantrums over little things now ( mid 30s) but mainly keep it to shouting and crying and have stopped throwing myself on the floor I have no advice im sorry but you do have my sympathies.

Hi OP, for goodness sake don't take any notice of the taxi driver! People often forget the terrible twos and tantrums.

If you were not concerned before now then I would trust your instincts.

I always found sleep to be a major factor with tantrums. Does your DD still nap?

I have to say in my limited experience 3 x 30 min tantrums a day on that scale does sound a little extreme, my DD just turned 4 and I can only think of once or twice where she had a tantrum to that extent but they are all different and we might have got away lightly..agree that tiredness can be a big factor though.

Sounds a bit like "marshmallow gate" in our house (note: not an isolated incident): I gave DS (2.5 years) a marshmallow. HELL ENSUED. He threw the marshmallow, so I picked it up. HELL ENSUED. So I gave him back the marshmallow which he clutched in a sweaty fist for a full 20 minutes, screaching, lying on the floor flailing.

I still have no idea what happened

They can be very emotional at this age.

Does your dd have milder tantrums in amongst the meltdowns OP? Or is it all or nothing?

I do agree with the pp who said 3 times a day at full intensity is definitely a lot...

We lived over the road from preschool. It finished after lunch. DS2, at the age of 2, would have been perfectly capable of walking. Because preschool was far too exciting to bother about a silly morning nap, the first time I collected him I had to drag a screaming toddler across the road. The 2nd time I had the buggy, reclined, straps out the way, so he could just climb in. He fell straight to sleep. Guess what I did every day after that? 😂

Thanks all for the replies. Yes Rat, she has regular tantrums too, for example when she doesn't want to get in her car seat, but these meltdowns are on another level.

She still has a midday nap for an hour but the meltdowns are often in the run up to nap time or bed time.

She's always been highly strung and would get very overstimulated as a baby and scream a lot. It was a nightmare trying to breastfeed her as I couldn't calm her enough to get her to latch - the midwife remarked she was unusually difficult!

Sounds like nap time and bedtime are too late. Could you bring them forward to before when she'd usually have a meltdown?

In that case it sounds quite like my DS with having epic meltdowns around nap time. I've come to regard it as normal (although I don't know if it is) although for ages I was genuinely worried he was in some sort of pain he couldn't articulate or that there was something actually WRONG with him. The tantrums we so extreme and so inexplicable! They're much better now he recognises when he's tired and will ask to nap, but after naps is still very hit and miss.

Don't know if that helps at all :/

Honestly? My daughter’s three next month and had never had an episode like that. Tantrums, yes, but she can be talked out of them fairly quickly and she just cries and stamps her foot rather than lashing out. But that doesn’t necessarily mean anything, all children are different.

It's worth a try Evil - bedtime is currently 7.30.

She goes to nursery 3 days a week and the meltdowns are worse these days. The problem is she often refuses to eat at nursery so is hungry when we get home so by the time she's had some food, had a bath and got in her PJs it's 7pm. Maybe I should sacrifice the bath on nursery days.

That might be a good idea, then give her a really good scrub on the other 4! 😂

I’ve never had anything like that & DS is 2y 2m - so still plenty of time
He definitely gets hangry & upset when he’s tired though, there’s such a large variation on what’s ‘normal’ I wouldn’t worry unless you have any other concerns.

Just a message of solidarity - my 26 month old is very similar! I find it hard because lots of advice focuses on cuddling them to calm them down etc but for my DD that makes it worse - she doesn't want me near her. It is like a wild rage and then like you say she comes out of it and usually wants a cuddle then. It's hard work and I worry sometimes too but I think it is on the spectrum of normal!

No. I would not tolerate that more than once.

My three year old has massive tantrums from nowhere and suddenly snaps out of it. Not as frequent anymore. My two year old very rarely has one - i think they’re both normal! I wouldn’t worry but it is worth looking at techniques for dealing with it and trying different things as it took a few attempts to work out the best approach for my daughter.

Phew thanks Squirrel! I guess it’s must be their temperament. The teenage years are going to be a joy!

I'm intrigued. How would you stop it then ArgyMargy?

Argymargy and what exactly would you do to stop it?

Great minds harpy! 😂

How do you respond when she tantrums? I would give no attention. Walk away, read a book, avoid eye contact.

Yes please share your secret Argy?!

Ignore it.

Hahahahahahahahaha. Jesus, is that all it takes? Why did I not think of that?

Choude If we’re at home I make sure she’s safe and can’t hurt herself and leave her to come around. If we’re out I hold her so she can’t throw herself in the road.
Trying to reason with her or tell her off just makes her scream louder and louder.